现在做上蜡刮蜡的动作
Show me wax on, wax off.
[84年电影《空手道小子》]
老天 我真是爱死八十年代了
Man, I loved the '80s.
那个年代流行的是《外星人》
It was the age of E.T.
T先生和音乐电视
Mr. T., and MTV.
那个时候 这个世界还很小
Back then, the world was still small.
没有手♥机♥ 没有互联网和推特
No cell phones or internet or twitter.
朋友就住在一条街上
Your friends lived on your street,
家人和你一起坐在餐桌边
and your family were the people at your dinner table.
如果你以为这些笑容满面的人是我的家人
If you were assuming these smiley people were my family,
那你就错了 我们表达爱意的方式很另类
they're not. We showed our affection in a different way.
我记忆中的八十年代就是这样
This is how I remember the '80s.
没有育儿博客
There were no parenting blogs,
没有花生过敏 有的就是疯狂
or peanut allergies; just a whole lotta crazy.
看这个小呆子
Ah, look at that little geek.
对 这就是我 亚当·金伯格
Yep, that's me, Adam Goldberg.
我们家是街坊里第一个有摄像机的
We were the first on our block to get a video camera,
我用它拍下了我的整个童年
and I used it to record my entire childhood.
8月17日5点47分
我回家了
I'm home!
这个一进门就脱裤子的人
The man parking his pants at the front door,
是我老爸 默里·金伯格
that's my dad, Murray Goldberg.
电视归我了
TV's mine!
自从他上次心脏病发后
Ever since his last heart attack,
他决心锻炼身体 健康饮食
he became determined to exercise, eat better,
不再大声嚷嚷 但是不管用
And not yell so much. It wasn't working.
关掉摄像机
Stop with the camera!
我那超级友好的大姐爱丽卡
My super-friendly sister Erica.
可喜欢和人沟通了 除了自家人
She loved to talk to people, just not us.
亚当 你搞什么鬼 小心我给你破相
Adam, what the hell? I'm gonna crimp your face.
老妈
Mom!
巴瑞·金伯格 教科书式的排行中间综合症
Barry Goldberg, textbook middle child,
典型的反应夸张
and classic over-reactor.
你是个骗子 西蒙 你是个骗子
You're a liar, Simon! You are a liar!
别再拍了
Stop videotaping!
最后介绍我的霸道母亲大人
And finally, my overbearing "Smother,"
贝弗莉·金伯格
Beverly Goldberg.
家庭主妇 铁娘子
A homemaker, a ball breaker,
可以合理安排时间保持身材
who found the time to stay fit,
养育儿女 同时把孩子们逼疯
raise the kids, and drive us all insane.
9月2日6点03分
没错 我们一家人会大声嚷嚷会吵架
Yeah, we were the family that yelled and cursed,
但到今天 我们依然是相亲相爱的一家人
but to this day, we still love each other.
这就是我的一家人
This is my family...
金伯格一家
The Goldbergs.
那是9月3日
It was September 3,
金伯格一家的早上一如往常
It began as a typical morning in the Goldberg house.
你什么都不懂 他对我来说并不算太老
You don't know anything. He's not too old for me.
他是大学生 爱丽卡
He's in college, Erica!
错 他退学组乐队去了
Wrong. He dropped out to start a band.
你现在觉得自己很傻吧
Don't you feel stupid now?
妈 拉链拉不上
Mom, they don't zip.
你能帮个忙吗
Can you help me with this?
瞧你啊
Oh, look at you.
你姐的牛仔裤这么合身 干嘛要去重新买♥♥呢
Oh, why go shopping when your sister's jeans fit you so perfectly?
"这么合身" 难看死了
Fit me perfectly? They're horrible.
屁♥股♥松 前面紧
They're roomy in the hips and tight in the front.
我看起来就像波姬·小丝
I look like Brooke Shields.
她漂亮极了
And she's beautiful.
听着 你要懂得感恩
Look, you need to be grateful,
因为总有一天 我不会再为你穿衣打扮了
because one day, I won't be here to help dress you.
你一直这么说 我什么时候才能盼到这天
You keep sayin' that, but when?
和平时一样 老妈一天的开始
As always, my mom began the day
就是帮我们穿衣 给我们吃饭
by dressing us, feeding us,
无视所有的人类容忍♥极限
and ignoring any sense of human boundaries.
我的宝贝在哪里
Where's my baby?
生日快乐 早餐想来点什么
Happy birthday. What do you want for breakfast?
-来点隐私 -得了
- Privacy! - Oh, please.
别忘了洗屁屁
Don't forget to wash your bottom.
巴瑞难得的好心情
Barry was in a rare good mood.
他满16岁了
He was turning 16,
这一天他已经等了一辈子了
a day he'd been waiting for his whole life.
叮当响 是钥匙
It's jingling. It's keys.
钥匙意味着车
Keys means car,
车就意味着可以逃离你们这些妖怪
car means freedom from all you monsters.
我爱你 妈
I love you, mom.
这是什么鬼东西
What the hell is this?
吊坠项链
It's a locket.
里面放着我的相片
It's got my picture inside
这样你可以一直把妈妈挂在心口上
so you can always have your mother near your heart.
亲爱的 你还没有准备好开车
Sweetie, you're just not ready to drive.
你太不成熟 而且说实话
You're too immature, and quite honestly,
你的弦绷得有些紧[容易激动]
a little high-Strung.
我的弦绷得不紧
I am not high-Strung!
绷得刚刚好 就像网球拍或是班卓琴
I'm strung just fine, like a tennis racket or a banjo--
我觉得这样很好
You know, I think it's great,
我这个年级所有的酷哥
'cause all the cool guys in my grade,
-都有老妈的相片吊坠 -喂
- They have mom lockets. - Hey!
-所有的 -别惹我 好吗
- All of 'em. - Don't poke the bear, all right?
你不想戴吗 没关系
You don't wanna wear it, fine.
-我扔进垃圾桶 -去啊
- I'll throw it in the trash. - Go ahead.
-我去啦 -快扔
- Here I go. - Do it.
-去啊 -扔进垃圾桶
- Go ahead. - Gonna go in the garbage.
难以置信
Unbelievable.
你居然让我把这个扔进垃圾桶
You were gonna let me throw this in the trash.
完全不负责任 你甭想开车
Totally irresponsible. You're not driving.
老天 爸 拜托劝你老婆几句吧
Oh, god. Dad, please talk some sense into your wife.
她刚才说的话太有争议性了
She saying some pretty controversial things over there.
无论你妈刚才说的什么废话我都赞成
I agree with whatever nonsense your mother just said.
拜托 这不公平
Come on, this is not fair.
谁告诉你人生是公平的 你这个笨蛋
Who the hell told you life was fair, ya moron?
老爸丰富多彩的语言
Dad's colorful way of speaking
听起来似乎有些严格 但其实不是的
may seem a bit harsh; it really wasn't.
你得学会理解"默里语"
You just had to learn how to speak Murray.
现在是夜晚两点
It's 2:00 A.M.
我还以为你死了 我恨不得杀了你
I thought you were dead. I could kill you.
我好担心你
你们弄坏了 真是太好了
You broke it. It's amazing.
你们这些小兔崽子就会弄坏东西
You little bastards ruin everything.
你们的行为令我失望
以你这么聪明的人来说
For someone so smart,
你平时真是表现得太白♥痴♥了
you sure act like an idiot.
做得好
好了 别生气撅嘴了
All right, stop your pouting.
我有礼物给你
I got you something,
我想你会喜欢的
and I think you're gonna like it.
快速马车合唱团
Reo Speedwagon?
这是排行榜前40名
This is top 40!
你完全不理解我
You don't know me at all.
我爱的是饶舌 街头诗歌♥ 你懂不懂啊
I'm into rap, the poetry of the streets. Come on!
不 我问过山姆·古迪音乐连锁店的人了
No, no, I talked to the guy at Sam Goody.
他说这盘磁带非常流行
He said it was a hip track.
你问过山姆·古迪本人了吗
Well, did you talk to Sam Goody himself?
有吗 没有 你只是随便问了一个
Huh? Did you? No. You talked to a random jag-off
对音乐一点也不懂的白♥痴♥
who knows nothing about real music.
你不在没发言权好吗
You weren't there, okay?
那家伙戴了耳环 穿着牛仔夹克
The guy had an earring, he had a Jean jacket,
衣服上全是纽扣 全是
covered in buttons. Covered!
别让你♥爸♥爸生气
Don't get your father all worked up.
我已经生气了
I'm already all worked up.
-亲爱的 -冷静 呼吸
- Honey... - Calm down, breathe.
我在呼吸 我在呼吸
I'm breathin', I'm breathin', okay?
你这是想要你老爸的命
You're killing your father.
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