My first year at William Penn,
I thought I'd really connected with the students.
But then, over the summer,
Barry and I saw "Dangerous Minds,"
starring Michelle Pfeiffer.
There are no victims in this classroom!
Seeing that movie made me realize
I could go deeper,
really getting involved with these kids,
which they need,
because they are dealing with a lot of scary stuff.
For my second year back,
I was determined to get all up in their business
by going full Pfeiffer.
Good. I got your attention.
Sextuplets. Six notes per measure.
Oh, yeah, we're goin' there.
Oh, come on.
Welcome to Guitar 2. Any questions?
Yeah, why are you dressed like Olivia Newton-John at the end of "Grease"?
I'm dressed like your worst nightmare --
a teacher who cares.
The curriculum says the first song we're learning
is "Row, Row, Row Your Boat."
That's not real-life stuff.
How many of you have ever even rowed a boat?
But was it gently down a stream?
I want to teach music that speaks to me,
like Fiona Apple.
What song speaks to you, Bobby Maloney?
Is "Row, Row, Row Your Boat" Definitely off the table?
What about you, Aaron Rubin?
"Who Let the Dogs Out"?
Why would you throw that?!
As your prize for a great answer.
Next time, you should try throwing it to somebody
with better hand-eye coordination.
Like my blind grandma.
好啊 罗尼 忍♥痛大笑
Sure, Ronnie. Laugh through the pain.
But having a blind grandma sounds heavy.
If you ever want to rap about it...
Yeah, I'd like that.
It's been hard 'cause she has to touch my face
with her weird old-lady hands all the time.
Veronica, when parents are stressed,
sometimes, the children feel the pain.
But you're a resilient young woman.
You will get through this kitchen remodel.
To make toast, I have to walk all the way to the garage.
Hey, there are no victims in this classroom.
But if you start to feel overwhelmed,
you can call me anytime on my new mobile phone.
I may take you up on that.
My parents are picking out tile tonight,
and they're a mile apart.
How was your summer?
I went zip-lining in Costa Rica,
and I fed fresh clams to a capuchin monkey.
Nobody tells you what to do when you run out of clams.
I heard you giving out your personal phone number to a student?
This year, I decided I wanna give these kids more.
Classic second-year-teacher mistake.
They suck you in with their needy, little faces,
and the next thing you know, you're at their house,
pretending to be their butler so you can impress some
rich girl they met at soccer camp.
On the plus side,
I did learn how to make a mean Beef Wellington.
I would totally do that.
As your mentor, I have to say
that getting too close will end up biting you in the ass,
like a small but aggressive monkey jonesing for clams.
巴里 猜猜看 我进走廊了
Barry, guess what. I'm walking into the hallway.
I know! The reception is so clear!
I said it's clear.
Wait, y-- Hold on. You're breaking up.
不不 不是我们 我没说分手
No! No, no! Not us! No, we're not breaking up!
Barry, are you crying?
This thing is a miracle.
Looks like Lainey Lewis joined the space program over the summer.
Barry and I got them so we can stayin constant contact with each other.
We are crushing the long-distance-relationship thing.
So, you guys made it through the summer, then?
Ah. Man, that's...good.
Still going strong, like Brad and Gwyneth.
Brad and Gwyny are Splitsville.
But they got the same haircut!
I had a pretty bitchin' summer.
I, uh, I did the whole Renaissance Faire circuit.
I threw some pottery.
Oh. You all have some Swedish butter pots coming, by the way.
So, where's this new teacher we're supposed to be meeting?
I just left a bunch of unsupervised fourth-graders
to Clorox my gym mats.
Oh! Well, here she is now.
...this is our new biology teacher, Ms. Wilma Howell.
I was clever enough to steal Wilma away
from my good friend the commandant
at Valley Forge Prep.
If you've never heard a Marine colonel sobbing on the phone,
it is actually... very unsettling.
He's a good friend and a real American hero.
What do you got there?
Treats on the first day, huh?
Oh, are these mochi balls?
Actually, mouse-y balls.
Frozen baby mice I feed to my classroom snake.
That's... really upsetting.
It's biology. Circle of life.
Sadly, nothing'll shock these kids.
They see worse out there every day
in this snake-eat-mice world.
Do I need to put my name on this?
Uh, I think the whole freezer's yours now.
Uh, let me get my Lean Cuisines out of there.
What? It's how Coop keeps it tight.
会有文化冲击吧 威尔玛 毕竟你来自军校
Must be a culture shock, Wilma, coming from a military school.
Well, if it helps ease the transition at all,
please feel free to call me Colonel Fun.
Oh, by the way, Friday is Pajama Day,
and that's an order from the colonel.
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