I'm so bored of living.
I wake up every morning in the same bed with the same person.
Brush my teeth.
I get dressed.
And I eat the same breakfast.
And then take the same commute to work.
I'm 28 years old, and I'm terrified this is all there is.
Sometimes, I'll be in the store,
and I'll be looking at two different cans of beans,
and I'll think,
"These beans are better."
"No, these beans are better."
And then I'll think,
"That's the most boring thought anyone's ever had."
I mean, God! Everything is pointless.
Anyway, what's up with you?
What's new with me?
- Nothing... - Great.
No... My face is really itchy.
What, are you getting eczema?
不 我没有 你为什么这么说
No, I'm not getting-- Why would you even say that?
Look at my finger.
Oh, my God!
- Reed Hollingsworth. - What's wrong with Reed?
Nothing. At all.
He's fine. He's totally fine.
And unassuming, and nice.
He's very nice.
Well, that's good. It's a good thing to be nice.
And his family is really rich,
and well-connected, and super classist.
- Oh, they're "classist"? - And racist.
This is about the asparagus.
"Oh, I see we're passing the asparagus
- counterclockwise tonight--" - So his mom has an idea
about the proper way to pass food around a dining table.
"Is that how they do it in México?!"
Maybe she was legitimately curious.
We're not from Mexico.
Yeah, but our mom is.
Do you think Dad would have liked Reed?
Yeah, I do, actually.
And you don't think it's weird to get married without Dad there?
What am I supposed to do, just never get married?
That's an idea.
Ladies. Get you another round?
Yes, I will have a Fancy Familiar.
I don't know what that is.
It's a Mozambique Samba just without the sherbet.
你好蠢 闭嘴吧 你干嘛总是这样
You're so stupid. Stop it, why do you always do that?
Um, we're gonna have shots of Patrón, please.
And don't go far 'cause you're gonna have to keep fillin' 'em up.
You got it.
And why did you order shots? You know I'm trying to drink less.
阿尔玛 你唯一的姐妹刚刚订婚 必须喝烈酒
Alma, your only sister just got engaged. We're doing shots.
And then I'm going to make you
listen to the story of how he proposed.
- Oh, my God. - It's so romantic.
I am going to need booze for this.
Two shots of Patrón.
- What? - To my sister
and her life choices which... I support.
What are you doing?
I'm humping your butt.
How long you gonna do that?
Until it annoys you.
I want the mouth.
Can you promise me that we're not going to be
like one of those boring couples who like...
...gets married and settles down
and has babies and is like all happy?
-太恶心了 不会的 -谢谢
- Ew, gross. Never. - Thank you.
But it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world.
-不 不 不 -好了
- No. No, no. - That's it!
That's the wrong answer!
You're humping me again?
You're so crazy.
No, I'm not.
-我没疯 -好吧 对不起
- I'm not crazy. - Okay. Sorry. Sorry.
I just can't do it.
I can't do the wedding and the birth announcements
and the piano lessons
and the matching Halloween costumes.
True that, matching Halloween costumes are lame.
But, what if you went as Batman
and I went as Bruce Wayne,
and then every time we were together,
I'll be like, "Batman! We're in the same room?
We must totally be different people, everyone."
That's a couple's costume.
No, it's totally different
because one's Batman
and one's Bruce Wayne.
Two different people.
But for real. I don't want to settle down.
-未来的事谁知道呢 -不 我知道
- You never know what's gonna happen. - No. I know.
Okay, we won't settle down.
We'll be vagabonds or cat burglars
or hot air balloonists.
I like that.
And then we'll settle down and have kids.
- What? - I'm sleeping.
The room is spinning.
卡西 不 卡西 我们没有
Cassie, no! Cassie, we don't--
不 不要挤 不
No. Don't squeeze it. No.
Is everything okay here?
Yeah, Cassie's just being A c. U. n. T.
好吧 卡西 你需要休息吗
Okay. I... Cassie? Cassie, do you need a time out?
- No! - Right.
- Seems like you do. - Yeah.
- Let's do it. Come on. - There you go.
Come on. Cassie!
All right, we're gonna sit here 'till you calm down.
'Cause I get paid to force you to behave. Pretty weird, right?
- I don't want a time out! - It's not so bad.
Did you know that the Kogi tribe of Colombia
puts their babies in a dark cave?
- Yeah, I know that. - Oh, you really, you know that?
Well, did you know they keep those babies
in a dark cave for nine years?
And as the babies grow,
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