And the moon...
The moon was shining down on him.
Like out of a movie.
Like an alien ship was beaming down right on him
as if maybe the moon had taken my wish
all those years ago about my dad
and just got to hearing about it all these years later
and couldn't get to it in time and...
and couldn't do anything about it now,
so it tried to make up for it, and it brought him here, Ming.
And Ming said the whole night he was thinking about me.
Anyway, he leans in for a kiss, and I...
I kissed him back.
In the moonlight.
And as soon as I pulled away,
I ran back inside and shut the door.
And I danced.
He called me right after but I didn't pick up,
I was too scared, you know?
And I went to bed...
I went to bed dreaming about that kiss.
I thought about it every night.
Day after night, night after day.
Ming called again a few times that week, but I...
Oh, I was too nervous to answer.
I guess I...
Well, I just didn't want him to say it was wrong or a mistake,
or... or that he didn't want to give me the wrong idea, you know?
I was trying to muster the courage.
I was trying to muster it up.
And I was going to call back, I was going to call and say
what a lovely kiss that was.
And maybe we should do it again.
And every night I thought about that kiss
and how full it made me, and how I was going to call him back,
and what I was going to say and...
And then one day, I'm standing in the market,
and I see him there.
And I smiled.
And he sees me and he smiles back.
And I wave.
And he waves back.
And then we just drift together...
in the freezer aisle in front of the fish sticks.
And then a woman with the curliest hair I've ever seen
puts her hand on his shoulder.
"This is my wife, Carol," Ming says.
然后有两个小孩... 不 三个小孩
And then two little kids... No, three little kids,
two boys and a girl, grab him by the leg.
"爸爸 爸爸 我们能买♥♥巧克力饼干吗"
"Dad, Dad, can we have Chocolate Hobnobs, please?"
And I looked down.
My hands looked different.
I have these wrinkles now.
My legs have varicose veins and...
而且我... 我的皮肤粗糙不平 又皱又掉屑...
and I'm, um... a little bit lumpy in parts, and stretchy and flaky and...
and I have a few gray hairs and...
And I look in the freezer window where the fish sticks are
and I... I see myself and suddenly...
And he is, too, and I...
suppose I'd, uh... I just lost track of time.
He introduced me to her, his wife, Carol.
She seemed uninterested in me.
If she only knew how much he meant to me,
I think she might have been more interested in me.
If only Ming knew how much he meant to me.
If only I knew how much I meant to me.
And I thought...
what if those were our kids?
I thought... I would have been a great mom.
And I thought...
if I died, my kids would have kept my sweater,
and curled up with it when things got hard
or they got gassy.
And I thought, oh, I...
I really should have picked up his call.
And I thought, why do I always think
I'm going to be a bother?
And I thought, why am I so scared of being seen?
At least when I was younger, I had some semblance of choice
in the matter of my invisibility.
But now, being of a certain age,
to put it politely...
that's what scares me the most.
That I gave up all those good years because I was scared,
and now I'm here and I'm losing my say in the matter.
Old age is a strange, blunt foe.
And it fights dirty.
It isn't fair.
At first, I started noticing it years ago
when I turned 6♥4♥, this matter of "old."
But little things add up.
It was the bus ride back from the funeral
just a couple of months ago that did it.
I was waiting. I was on the bus for some time,
and I was waiting for my stop, and an hour goes by,
and then two, until I'm the last one on the bus.
Just me and the driver.
I look out the window and I don't recognize the streets.
And finally, the bus turns into a parking lot,
the bus depot.
The bus stops,
and the engine cuts and the lights turn off.
And I didn't even say anything. I just sat there.
I just sat there until the driver realized,
he... he was walking off the bus when he noticed me.
He jumped like I was a ghost.
"Oh! Didn't see you there," he said.
I didn't see you there.
I paid my fare.
Took my seat.
But how unfair not to see me.
How unfair not to know that I have things inside of me, too.
我也有感觉 可以表达 思考 我也了解
I... I have things I feel and I say and I think and I know.
I... I have funny jokes sometimes.
Really funny jokes.
Jokes that the late hosts would use on their shows if they knew them.
Yeah, I'm bold in that way.
And I'm wickedly smart.
I mean, sometimes I think of things, you know,
如果我有时间 有钱 就会去搞发明什么的...
inventions and things that if I had the time or the money and...
And, heck, I'm sexy in here, too.
I could put on a red lip, I could put on some rouge.