能够与他们最凶残的同类战斗
capable of combating the most ferocious of their kind.
真混♥蛋♥
What a douche.
但我不能凭一己之力 我需要帮助
But I can't do it alone. I need your help.
我需要你们帮我寻找这些魔法生物
I need you to help me find these creatures--
那些可能潜藏在我们当中的生物
creatures that may be hiding right here amongst us.
现在 请大家拿出手♥机♥
Now, everyone take out your smartphones.
最好是帕尔默科技的
Better be PalmerTech.
我开♥发♥了一个简单的应用软件
I have created a small, simple app,
可以改变世界的软件
that will change the world.
我希望你们即刻下载
And I want you all to download it right now.
应用软件名叫天眼
The app is called Eyes.
在天眼软件中 你可以分享实时的
Now, on Eyes, you will be able to share real-time,
救命的怪物行踪
life-saving monster sightings.
分享它 我会过去救你
Share them, and I will be there to save you.
记住 力量掌握在你们手中
Remember, the power is in the Palmer of your hands.
你真的希望我们相信怪物的存在吗
You really expect us to believe monsters exist?
我以为你会证明给我们看
I thought you were going to offer us proof.
谢谢 辛迪 你说得很对
Thank you, Cindy. You are absolutely right.
这就是你的证据
Here is your proof.
她看起来像一个本该在书店里工作的
Now, this may look like a helpless hipster
无助的嬉皮士
who should be working at a bookstore,
但请相信我
but believe me,
她完全是一个更危险的存在
she is something altogether more dangerous.
-玛仕 -约翰
- Masher. - John?
好了 你冷静一点
Yeah, yeah, all right, keep your hair on.
没必要告诉整个俱乐部
No need to tell the whole bloody club.
兄弟 我现在知道你是疯了
Oh, buddy, now I know you're out of your mind.
-你来地狱做什么 -我来拯救一个朋友
- What are you doing in hell? - I'm here to save a friend.
他的灵魂现在属于尼禄
His soul belongs to Neron.
谢谢 亲爱的 他买♥♥单
Cheers, love. He's paying.
未经尼禄许可没人可进入他的灵魂库
Nobody gets into Neron's soul vault without his say-so.
除了三巨头
Except the Triumvirate,
我有一个对付他们的办法
and I have a plan to deal with them,
但首先 有一种预感我需要确认一下
but first, there's a hunch I need to confirm.
尼禄在进行什么交易
What's Neron trading at?
他很沉着 但我告诉你一个小秘密
He's steady, but I'll let you in on a little secret.
他的库存准备上涨
His stock is about to rise.
我说的是地球上的大量灵魂收集
I'm talking a massive soul collection on Earth.
你知道这意味着什么吗
You know what that means?
尼禄终于开始为他的地狱王座而战
Neron is finally making his play for the throne of hell.
谢谢 玛仕 我可以利用这点
Oh, cheers, Masher. I can use that.
小心点 约翰
Be careful, John.
并不是每位被你送回地狱的魔鬼
Not every demon you've sent to hell
都像我一样宽宏大量
is as forgiving as I am.
是的 我难道不知道吗
Yeah, don't I know it.
你死定了 魔鬼猎人
You're dead, demon hunter.
我本来打算当一名魔鬼直肠科医生
I was going to be a demon proctologist,
但薪水并不高
but the pay wasn't as good.
抓住他
Hold him.
卡利布拉西斯 你看起来真帅 伙计
Oh, Calibraxis. Hey, looking good, mate.
-你留胡须了 -约翰·康斯坦丁
- You grow your beard? - John Constantine.
我会好好享受看着你断气
I'm really going to enjoy watching you breathe your last.
我请求谈判
I invoke a parley.
我要求与三巨头谈谈
I demand to speak to the Triumvirate.
我是魔鬼 不是海盗 约翰
I'm a demon, not a pirate, John.
我还以为你懂规矩
I thought you understood the rules.
你这条小蛆
Well, you little maggot,
只要我还活着
as long as I'm alive,
三巨头就可以把我
then the Triumvirate can pass me around
玩弄于股掌之中
like a little sparrow amongst the cats.
一旦我死了 你这愚笨的混♥蛋♥
But as soon as I die, you dim-witted dick,
我的灵魂就属于尼禄的了
then my soul belongs to Neron,
三巨头就无法在我身上
and then the Triumvirate lose out
施展他们计划好的
on all the tasty little bits of torture
有趣折磨
that they've got planned for me.
你有两个选择
So you've got two choices:
不是杀了我
You can either kill me
激怒管这个地方的老家伙们
and royally piss off the old bags that run this place,
就是带我去和三巨头谈话
or take me to speak with the Triumvirate.
我发现逃亡者 别这样
I'm detecting a fugitive alert--stop it--
在宗教法庭 格林船长
at the Inquisition, Captain Green.
我不折磨人
Oh, I don't do torture.
-差点骗到我了 -态度好点
- Could've fooled me. - Hey. Play nice.
在B队执行后备计划时
We have to distract Gary
我们要分散盖瑞的注意力
while the B team is plan B... ing.
英国烘焙大赛上的小仙女
Would a fairy at the Great British Bakeoff
适合你吗
suit your fancy?
我们是不是该
Shall we, uh...
保持冷静 继续做点心呢
keep calm and pastry on?
我会设定航线的 船长
I'll plot a course, Captain.
懂了吗
Get it?
保持冷静 继续做点心
"Keep calm and pastry on"?
说得好 船长
Good one, Cap.
-太好笑了 -谢谢你们
- Hilarious. - Thanks, guys.
谢谢
Thanks. Yeah.
大家仔细看看她 吴蒙娜
Take a good, long look at her-- Mona Wu.
你在街上看到她 你不会多想
You saw her on the street, you wouldn't think twice.
加油 蒙娜 别如他所愿
Come on, Mona. Don't give him what he wants.
但是她的情况很奇怪也很暴♥力♥
But she has a strange and violent condition...
在她爱上一个令人厌恶的怪物时引起的
brought about when she fell in love with a repulsive creature.
我觉得桥上的场景应该有更多人
I feel like a bridge scene should have more people.
不 我们喜欢三人桥上场景
Oh, no, we love three-people bridge scenes.
不然我们最后只会整天无所事事
Yeah, otherwise we just end up standing around all day.
所以米克总是脾气暴躁
Oh, that's why Mick's always grumpy.
别这样 蒙娜
Come on, Mona.
我答应给这些人一场表演
I promised these fine people a show.
别让大家久等
Let's not keep them waiting.
立刻变身 不然就会像科南一样死去
Shift now or end up dead like Konane.
各位 世界上第一个狼人存在的证据
Folks, proof of the world's very first werewolf.
我们缺少的就是那几个小子
That's what we're missing-- the boys!
-不是 -是的
- No. - Yeah.
仙女教母
Fairy Godmother?
-Z -B
- Z. - B.
-她把他变没了 -大家瞧瞧
- She made him disappear! - Well, well, well...
这是什么
what do we have here?
观众中还有更多的人有魔法
More magic in the audience?
她是他们的同类
She's one of them!
他说得对 我是
He's right. I am.
她是女巫 女巫 女巫
She's a witch. Witch. Witch.
女巫 女巫 女巫
Witch, witch, witch!
女巫 女巫
Witch, witch...
别担心 各位 女巫跑不远的
Don't worry, folks. The witch won't get far.
只要每个人都下载天眼软件
Not as long as everyone downloads the Eyes app.
分享自己所见之事 我们会找到女巫的
Share your sightings. We'll find the witch.
用不了多久
It's only a matter of time.
莎拉 你们没事吧
Sara, you guys okay?
只要继续安抚盖瑞 我们就没事
Yeah, we're fine, as long as we keep placating Gary.
看来查莉和Z是我们最后的希望
I guess Charlie and Z are our last hope.
-好极了 我们完蛋了 -欢迎来到地狱
- Great, we're toast. - Welcome to hell.
晚上好 我是你们的船长
Good evening, this is your captain speaking.
就...
Just--
什么
What?
我们会在高空飞行
We'll be cruising at a high altitude
去拯救英国的一场烘焙大赛
on our way to save a bakeoff in Britain.
-好棒 -好棒
- Whoo, yeah. - Yeah.
盖瑞 那是钢铁小子的战服吗
Gary, is that the Kid Steel costume?
你们喜欢吗
You like-y?
为什么会有人愿意做跟班呢
Why would anyone wish to be a sidekick?
-把腿放下 -他真是个傻蛋
- Close your legs. - Oh, he's such an idiot.
什么
What?