So, anyway, of course, now the guy's on top of me
going at it, you know.
T-shirt's still on 'cause his breasts are bigger than mine.
And I told him...
What? I was jealous.
So, anyway, the dummy starts asking me questions.
"Are you close..."
I'm like, "Yeah. Yeah, I'm close...
I'm close to getting a buzzcut, a flannel shirt
and finally accepting Melissa Etheridge's dinner invite!"
I'm still Deborah Vance.
Good night, Las Vegas!
- Great show. - Thank you.
Love these new heels.
Yeah, let's use them this Friday night
but let's put a little tread on the bottom.
- Copy. - I almost slipped.
I knew these earrings were gonna be too heavy.
I was right.
- Towel? - No, thanks, sweetie.
So, Bill, how'd they do?
Didn't cover the f**kin' spread. I'm out two grand.
Good luck with Beverly.
You sleep on the couch more than my dogs do.
- Hey, Deb. - Lookin' good, ladies.
They want us wheels-up in 25.
- I'll be quick. - And after the taping tomorrow
I got QVC to give us a studio space to shoot the Christmas album cover.
Ooh, love it.
Also, Damien has some historic news.
- eBay is my bitch. - No.
- The Verdure tapestry is yours. - Oh, yes!
That's what I like to hear.
- Great show, Deb. - Thanks, baby.
- Car's out front. - Okay. Let's party.
Aw, did you like the show?
I'm so sorry. We're running late to the airport.
Thank you so much.
Oh, love you guys. Love you guys.
Look at the veining.
Wow, this rose marble.
Look at the detail in that crystal work.
It's like a million little winks.
I've never found glass handles like this
on any bath caddy that I have ever used.
- Very intentional. - Oh, I am hearing
- that we have sold out once again. - Oh, my goodness!
We are a team. That's incredible.
Someone's been a bad boy.
- Have you been a bad boy? - Ho, ho, ho.
- Oh. He called me a ho. - Have you been naughty or nice?
Good night, Ronnie.
There you are, my darlings. There you go.
You know how I'm redoing the casino's east tower?
- Oh, yeah. - So, the contractor
double orders everything.
And what the hell am I supposed to do with two tons of fertilizer?
Dump it on Steve Wynn's doorstep.
- Bingo. - Come on. You set me up.
Deb, 2,500 shows.
- Now, I think it's a Vegas record. - It is.
- Well then, cheers. - Cheers.
And they're naming a street after you.
I know. Deborah Vance Drive.
It'll probably be a dead end with an abortion clinic on it.
Now that the big show's all planned
maybe it's a good time to talk about the future.
You know you'll always be a part of the Palmetto's history
it'd be good if you did a few less shows a year.
Good for who?
Yeah. I need some marquee dates for new acts...
What the hell is that?
They're a beatbox-forward a cappella group.
They do medleys.
They won "The Sing-Off."
Who gives a shit?
Look, I have two buckets to fill, families and idiots in their 20s.
The families want to see singing and dancing
and the college kids want to spend a grand
to watch a guy in a helmet hit "play" on an iPod.
You're forgetting about your third bucket...
people from Florida.
They love me, and my numbers are strong.
You'll still be doing shows, just not Friday and Saturday.
Oh, just the most important nights. Un-f**king-believable.
Deb, why do you even want to do a hundred-plus shows a year?
It's not like you're having fun.
I mean, you're on cruise control up there.
I f**king wish!
- All right. - I wish I was on cruise control.
I've been playing defense my entire career
thanks to assholes like you!
- Deborah, calm down, please. - Oh, what do you care?
You own the place, and the service sucks.
- Great. - Where's my f**king doggy bag?
Okay, all right.
- I'll take his too. - Okay.
And the fork!
There was a cockroach in my salad!
I guess I should just jump out the window.
Well, you'd probably just break your legs
because there's that 12th-floor terrace, but...
if you're seriously thinking of hurting yourself...
Plus, I've told you how I would kill myself
- a million times. - Yeah.
I'd wear a suicide vest on...
- Watch What Happens Live. - Watch What Happens Live.
- Very funny. - You can't get me a meeting
to write on anything.
I'm just... I'm just done because of one mistake?
Well, it was one mistake and then a series of replies
where you doubled down, Ava.
I didn't do anything wrong.
Here, you're dripping on the leather.
I just got those chairs. It was a whole thing.
I had to get approvals.
Look, you know I love your strong female POV. Obsessed.
But maybe in the future
you don't need to say
exactly how you're feeling about everything at all times.
Oh, my God.
I'm sorry if I was unfiltered and honest or whatever
but that's literally what people like about my writing.
Now, all of a sudden, it's a problem?
- I mean, where's the line? - I don't know, okay?
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