这就是电影的标准结局:
This is how the movie always ends:
男人回到妻子身边
the man slinks back to his wife,
狐狸精独自买♥♥醉
and the whore ends up drunk and alone.
我现在有四个孩子
Actually, now that I got four kids,
听起来没那么糟
it doesn't sound so bad.
我在想下周带艾普尔去餐厅
I was thinking of taking April to a restaurant next week.
你懂的 去给她打气
You know, to cheer her up.
贝丝·安 战争结束了
Beth Ann, the war is over.
你赢了 让敌人在失败中蹒跚吧
You won. Let the enemy limp away in defeat.
过去几周艾普尔和我变得很亲密
April and I grew very close these last few weeks.
这是真正的友谊
It's a true friendship.
她以为你的名字是希拉
She thinks your name is Sheila.
我承认 这很复杂...
I admit, it's a complicated...
宝贝 怎么了
Honey! What's wrong?
艾普尔在我的车道上
April is in my driveway.
我去
Shit.
她来这干嘛
What is she doing here?
我他妈怎么知道
Why the fuck should I know?
我们不能开门
We can't open the door.
应该避免不了了
I think we're gonna have to.
我觉得她看到我了
I think she saw me.
你得假装是我
You have to be me.
你疯了吗
Are you crazy?
拜托 我求你了
Please. I'm begging.
好吧
Fine.
我勒个去
Christ on a cracker.
别讲脏话
Don't swear.
友善一点
And be nice.
需要帮忙吗
May I help you?
你是罗伯特·斯坦顿太太吗
Are you Mrs. Robert Stanton?
是的
Yes.
请问你是谁 可以告诉我吗
And who might you be, pray tell?
我是艾普尔
I'm April.
我是格伦代尔的詹森餐厅的一名服务员
I'm... a-a waitress at Jansen's Diner in Glendale.
你丈夫是我的常客之一
Your husband is one of my regulars.
是吗
Is he?
是的
Yes.
我不是有意催你的 亲爱的
I don't mean to rush you, dear,
但我有窗帘要镶边 烤箱里还烤着面包
but I have curtains to hem and croutons in the oven.
好的 我只是想过来告诉你
Yes, I just wanted to come by to say
你丈夫吃饭时把外套落在餐厅了
that I think your husband might have left his coat at the diner.
饶了我吧
Well, mercy me.
我不确定是不是他的 但是...
I-I'm not even sure if it's his, but...
如果你不介意的话请告诉他我来过
if you wouldn't mind just telling him that I stopped by
然后让他给我打电♥话♥
and asking him to call me.
他知道你的号♥码...[意大利人口音]
He knows your number...
号♥码
number?
打给餐厅
At the diner.
他可以打给餐厅找我
He could just give me a call at the diner.
我会转告的
I'll tell him.
-再见吧 -再见
- Bye now. - Goodbye.
我从来没说过"饶了我吧"
I have never said "Mercy me."
但是你确实会自己烤面包
But you do bake your own croutons.
不敢相信艾普尔真的来我家了
I can't believe April actually came to the house.
不得不说 她挺厉害的
Got to say, I'm impressed.
那逼可不会轻易认输
That tramp, she ain't going down without a fight.
我这逼也不会
Well, this tramp isn't either.
你懂我意思
You know what I mean.
我十分钟后就得出发
I have to leave in ten minutes,
我完全不知道该穿什么
and I have got absolutely no idea what to wear.
你真可爱
You're so cute,
去和新男友吃个晚餐这么激动
all aflutter over your dinner with your new beau.
这个粉色会不会太基了
Is this pastel too gay?
你有见过不基的粉色吗
Have you ever seen a straight pastel?
你能放下报纸来帮帮我吗
Will you please put the paper down and help me?
我打算给你找个好地方住
I'm trying to find a nice place for you to live.
桑福德帕姆斯的公♥寓♥房♥间怎么样
Oh, what about a condo at Sanford Palms?
桑福德帕姆斯
Sanford Palms?
那地方离这里就五个街区
That's only about five blocks away from here.
我还是想和你共度电影之夜
Well, I still want us to have our movie nights.
这样你喝了鸡尾酒就不用开车回家啦
You wouldn't have to drive home after cocktails.
我们的朋友会鄙视我们的
Our friends are going to despise us.
为什么
Why?
当人们分手时
When people split up,
他们喜欢怨恨和发怒
they prefer venom and fireworks,
哭闹和指责
tears and accusations.
太小孩子气了
So childish and petty.
-再说我们上周已经这样做过了 -也对
- Besides, we did that last week. - Right.
我把范围缩小到了这两件
I've narrowed it down to these two.
你更喜欢哪件
Which do you prefer?
亚麻的那件
The linen.
你确定吗
Are you sure?
你干嘛在意穿什么
Why do you care which suit?
要不了多久就要脱掉
How long is it gonna be on, really?
我是个品行端正的女孩儿 真的[出自电影《窈窕淑女》]
Oi! I'm a good girl, I am.
我只会让给我买♥♥了龙虾的先生碰我
I don't let no gentleman touch me what ain't bought me lobster first.
是汤米来了
Oh, that's Tommy.
跟他说话别学伊莉莎
Don't do Eliza for him.
他理解不了这梗
He won't understand the reference,
他会以为你中风了
and he'll think you're having a stroke.
没错 年轻一代人失去了很多幽默感
Yes. Much humor is lost on the younger generation.
裤子
Trousers!
汤米 快进来
Tommy. Come in.
格罗夫先生去哪儿了
Where's Mr. Grove?
他今晚有约会
He has a date tonight.
跟男人吗
With a guy?
是的
Yes.
我虽然失去了丈夫 但却收获了一个"基蜜"
I've lost a husband, but I've gained a gay sidekick.
我很高兴
I'm glad.
因为现在...
Because now...
我们再亲热就不用躲躲藏藏的了
we don't have to hide when we do this.
我感觉到有奇怪的东西在顶着我
I'm feeling something interesting.
那能怪我吗
Can you blame me?
我不是说你的下面 是这里
Not down there-- up here.
这是送给我的吗
Is this for me?
我本来想留到晚餐后再送给你的
I was saving that for after dinner.
你能再等一会儿吗
Do you think you can wait?
真是个好问题
What a question.
当然等不及啦
Of course not.
太美了
It's stunning.
你的品味提升了不少
Your taste is improving.
像你这样的女人值得拥有最好的
A woman like you deserves the best.
我希望你能明白 我可以给予你最好的
And I-I want you to see that I can give that to you.
汤米
Tommy!
他还没走吗
He hasn't left yet?
谢天谢地我逮着你了
Thank God I caught you.
我需要外人对我的服装发表下看法
I need fresh eyes on an outfit.
萨蒙妮更喜欢亚麻布的这件
Uh, Simone prefers the linen,
但我觉得海军蓝的这件更显瘦
but I think the navy's more slimming.
你觉得呢
Thoughts?
你本来就不胖啊
Y-You're not fat.
没错 作为直男 我的确算是很瘦了
Yes. As a straight man, I am boyishly slim.
但作为基佬 我还是再瘦一点比较好 所以...
However, as a homo, I could afford to lose a few. So...
瞧瞧汤米送了我什么礼物
See what Tommy gave me.
天呐 瞧瞧
Hark at you.
戴蒙德·吉姆·布雷迪手段
Diamond Jim Brady Bunch.
总之 该选哪件
Anyway, which one?
随便选一件吧
Just pick one.
海军蓝
Navy.
那就海军蓝了 谢谢
Navy it is. Thank you.