你们自便吧
You guys,um,make yourselves comfortable.
好的
Okay.
瞧见没?
See?
人们能懂
People get it.
以奥丁(北欧神话中的主神)的名义起誓 实在太好吃了
By Odin's beard,this is good Chex mix.
不用了 我对花生过敏
No,thanks. Peanuts.
这身紧身衣可没法让我肿胀
I can't afford to swell up in these tights.
我搞不懂
I'm confused.
如果没有游♥行 我们来这干吗?
If there's no costume parade,what are we doing here?
参与社交活动啊 认识新朋友
We're socializing,meeting new people.
靠传心术吗?
Telepathically?
嗨 你们什么时候来的?
Oh,hey,when did you get here?
嗨
Hi.
Penny的猫女装是我见过最差的一套
Penny is wearing the worst Catwoman costume I've ever seen.
比哈里·贝瑞还差 (她曾因<猫女>一片勇夺金酸梅最差女主角)
And that includes Halle Berry's.
她不是猫女 只是一只普通的猫
She's not Catwoman. She's just a generic cat.
正是由于竞争机制的缺乏
And that's the kind of sloppy costuming
才会导致这种三流造型的出现
which results from a lack of rules and competion.
嘿 快瞧那个性感小护士
Hey,guys,check out the sexy nurse.
是时候咳嗽装病了
I believe it's time for me to turn my head and cough.
你准备怎么做?
What is your move?
用照镜子那招
I'm going to use the mirror technique.
她拨她的头发 我就拨我的
She brushes her hair back,I brush my hair back...
她耸肩 我也耸肩
She shrugs,I shrug.
她下意识里就会觉得 我们心有灵犀 注定是一对
Subconsciously she's thinking,"We're in sync. We belong together."
你哪学来的这一套?
Where do you get this stuff?
心理学期刊 网络调查
You know,psychology journals,Internet research,
电视上也有教如何追求MM
and there's this great show on VH-1 about how to pick up girls.
我有他那么自信就好了
Oh,if only I had his confidence.
我不知道怎么和女生说话 或者当着女生的面说话...
I have such difficulty speaking to women,or around women...
甚至是和娘娘腔说话 有时也有点困难
or at times even effeminate men.
如果那个听诊器能正常使用
If that's a working stethoscope,
不如你来测测我的心跳吧?
maybe you'd like to hear my heart skip a beat?
不用了
No,thanks.
我说真的 我有瞬间自发性心律失常
No,seriously,you can.I have transient idiopathic arrhythmia.
我想去认识Penny的朋友们
I want to get to know Penny's friends,
但我不知道该怎么和他们交谈
I just don't know how to talk to these people.
这点上 我也许可以帮到你
Well,I actually might be able to help.
怎么说?
How so?
就像Jane Goodall观察黑猩猩一样 (英国科学家 以对黑猩猩的研究闻名世界)
Like Jane Goodall observing the apes,
起初他们之间的互动是混乱且无组织性的
I initially saw their interactions as confusing and unstructured.
但渐渐有模式可循
But patterns emerge.
他们有自己独特的语言
They have their own language,if you will.
继续
Go on.
新来的人在接近现有的小团体时会说
Well,it seems that the newcomer approaches the existing group with the greeting,
"我看起来喝醉了吗?"
"How wasted am I?"
然后对方会回应"老兄..."
Which is met with an approving chorus of "Dude."
然后呢?
Then what happens?
我只研究到这个阶段
That's as far as I've gotten.
真是荒谬
This is ridiculous.
我准备上了
I'm jumping in.
祝你好运
Good luck.
不 你跟我一起
No,you're coming with me.
我看没这必要
Oh,I hardly think so.
来嘛
Oh,come on.
你不怕我给你难堪?
Aren't you afraid I'll embarrass you?
怕 可我需要一个副手 (wingman:原意指护航的飞机)
Yes; but I need a wing man.
好吧 可是如果要拿飞行来做比喻的话
All right,but if we're going to use flight metaphors,
我更适合联邦航空局里
I'm much more suited to being the guy
那个事故调查员的角色
from the FAA analyzing wreckage.
嗨
Hi.
- 嗨 - 你好
Hi. Hello.
你这身是扮谁?
So what are you supposed to be?
我? 我给点提示
Me? I'll give you a hint.
火车?
A choo-choo train?
接近了!
Close!
一列脑震荡的火车?
A brain damaged choo-choo train?
我看起来喝醉了吗?
How wasted am I?
我还是不懂
I still don't get it.
我是多普勒效应
I'm the Doppler effect.
如果那是指一种"学习无能"
Okay,if that's some sort of learning disability,
那么你也模仿得太烂了
I think it's very insensitive.
直接告诉人家 你是斑马不就省事了?
Why don't you just tell people you're a zebra?
那你怎么不告诉人家你是 七个小矮人之一?
Well,why don't you just tell people you're one of the seven dwarves?
因为我是弗拉多
Because I'm Frodo.
没错 我是多普勒效应
Yes,well,I'm the Doppler effect.
- 不会吧 - 怎么了?
-Oh,no. -What?
那是Penny的前男友
That's Penny's ex-boyfriend.
他来这里干吗?
What do you suppose he's doing here?
干扰这里的重力场吗?
Besides disrupting the local gravity field.
他要是再大块点 月亮会成为他的卫星
If he were any bigger,he'd have moons orbiting him.
你真刻薄
Oh,snap.
那么 我们似乎该走了
So,I guess we'll be leaving now.
为什么要我们走?
Why should we leave?
很明显他是不请自来 Penny看都不想看他
For all we know he crashed the party and Penny doesn't even want him here.
还有后备假设吗?
You have a backup hypothesis?
也许他们只是想做回朋友
Maybe they want to be friends.
又或者她想做朋友 而他想要更多
Or maybe she wants to be friends and he wants something more.
那么他和我就在同一圈里
Then he and I are on equal ground.
没错 但你比他更接近目标
Yes,but you're much closer to it than he is.
如果是1500年前
Look,if this was 1,500 years ago,
凭这身体格和力量
by virtue of his size and strength,
Kurt可以任意挑选自己的女性♥伴♥侣
Kurt would be entitled to his choice of female partners.
还有男性♥伴♥侣 动物伴侣
And male partners,animal partners,
巨型远古茄子
large primordial eggplants--
几乎要啥有啥
pretty much whatever tickled his fancy.
没错 但当今社会已经今非昔比了
Yes,but our society has undergone a paradigm shift.
这是信息时代 Sheldon
In the Information Age,Sheldon,
你和我才是炙手可热的
you and I are the alpha males.
我们不该退缩
We shouldn't have to back down.
说得好
True.
你干吗不发短信告诉他 看看他会不会退缩?
Why don't you text him that and see if he backs down?
不
No.
我要面对面向他展现我的优势
I'm going to assert my dominance face-to-face.
面对面? 你是要他坐下
Face-to-face? Are you going to wait for him to sit down,
还是自己站在咖啡桌上?
or are you going to stand on the coffee table?
嗨 Penny
Hello,Penny.
嗨 Kurt
Hello,Kurt.
嗨 你们玩得还好吗?
Oh,hey,guys,are you having a good time?
鉴于人们对我扮相的反应
Given the reaction to my costume,
这次派对对美国教育制度 提出了严厉的控诉
this party is a scathing indictment of the American education system.
你是斑马 对吧?
What,you're a zebra,right?
可怜的孩子
Yet another child left behind.
你又是什么 精灵?
And what are you supposed to be,an elf?
不 我是霍比特人
No,I'm a hobbit.
有什么不同?
What's the difference?
霍比特人是居住在地下 非不死的半成年人
A hobbit is a mortal halfling inhabitant of Middle Earth,
而精灵则是不死而高大的战士
whereas an elf is an immortal,tall warrior.
那你为什么要做个矮人呢?
So why the hell would you want to be a hobbit?
因为他既不高也会死
Because he's neither tall nor immortal
而且我们没有人能成为闪电侠
and none of us could be The Flash.
随你怎说
Well,whatever.
不如你们赶紧消失
Why don't you go hop off on a quest?
我正和Penny说话呢
I'm talking to Penny here.
我想我们都在和Penny说话
I think we're all talking to Penny here.
我没有 我没恶意
I'm not. No offense.
好吧 可能你没听懂我意思
Okay,maybe you didn't hear me.
- 滚蛋 - 好啦 Kurt 有礼貌点
-Go away. -All right,Kurt,be nice.
我很有礼貌
Oh,I am being nice.