我需要几只"豚鼠"做实验
I need some guinea pigs.
在Reseda有家供应实验动物的公司 你可以去试试
Okay,there's a lab animal supply company in reseda you could try.
但如果你的研究需要人类志愿者
But if your research is going to have human applications,
我能建议你换成小白鼠吗?
may I suggest white mice instead?
它们的头脑机能和我们的更接近
Their brain chemistry is far closer to ours.
我向上帝发誓 Sheldon 总有一天
I swear to god,sheldon,one day,
我会跟上你的说话思维
I'm going to get the hang of talking to you.
这话他妈妈说了几年了
His mom's been saying that for years.
什么事?
What's up?
我总算说服餐馆老板 把我换到吧台
Well,I finally convinced the restaurant to give me a bartending shift,
所以我需要练习调酒
so I need to practice mixing drinks.
哦 太好了
Oh,great.
任何事情的成功关键 都是熟能生巧
Well,the key to acquiring proficiency in any task is repetition.
显然也有例外
With certain obvious exceptions.
比如说 自杀suicide,for example.
Leonard 怎么样?
So,leonard,how about it?
你知道 Penny 我们很乐意帮助你
You know,penny,we'd love to help you,
但Raj现在正面临很艰难的情况
but raj is going through some stuff right now,
而且他不喝酒 所以...
and besides,he doesn't drink,so...
是吗?
really?
Raj现在很痛苦 所以愿意尝试喝酒
Um,raj is going through some stuff right now and he'd like to take up drinking.
好了 给你 Leonard
Okay,here you go,leonard.
龙舌兰日出酒
One tequila sunrise.
谢谢
Thank you.
知道吗 这杯酒能极好地诠释
You know,this drink is a wonderful example of
重力不同的各种液体 是如何在圆柱容器内相互作用的
how liquids with different specific gravities interact in a cylindrical container.
谢谢
Thank you.
好吧 Raj 你要什么?
Okay,raj,what'll it be?
随便你推荐
Whatever you recommend.
草蜢酒怎么样?
Uh,how about a grasshopper?
我调的草蜢酒很棒
I make a mean grasshopper.
行吗? 好的
Okay? Good.Coming up.
Sheldon 你要什么?
Sheldon,what are you going to have?
我要一杯健怡可乐
I'll have a diet coke.
好吧 你能点鸡尾酒吗?
Okay,can you please order a cocktail?
我需要练习怎么调酒
I need to practice mixing drinks.
好吧
Fine.
我要圣洁古巴利布瑞酒 (由新鲜酸橙 可乐调制)
I'll have a virgin cuba libre.
那是朗姆可乐酒 去掉朗姆酒
That's,um,rum and coke without the rum.
对
Yes.
- 那么...可乐 - 是的
- So...coke. - Yes.
能不能是健怡的吗?
And would you make it diet?
冰箱里有罐装的
There's a can in the fridge.
一杯传统的古巴利布瑞酒 是在高脚杯中加入酸橙
A cuba libre traditionally comes in a tall glass with a lime wedge.
那你游去古巴吧
Then swim to cuba.
吧台侍者应该具有人际交往能力
Bartenders are supposed to have people skills.
好啦
Okay.
Raj 给你
Raj,here you go.
好啦 下一个到谁?
All right. Who's next?
我想试试光滑的咪♥咪
I'd like to try a slippery nipple.
好吧 你没资格了
Okay,you're cut off.
谁要续杯?
Anybody need a refill?
我的人生驶向何方 Penny?
Where did my life go,penny?
眼下我还是无忧无虑的单身汉
One day I'm a carefree bachelor,
转眼我就结婚了 载着一车小孩 去新德里郊外打板球比赛
and the next I'm married and driving a minivan to peewee cricket matches in suburban new delhi.
你在跟我说话?
Are you talking to me?
这儿还有别人叫Penny?
Is there another penny here?
我有计划
I had such plans.
我有梦想
I had dreams.
我要成为粒子天体物理学界的甘地
I was going to be the indira gandhi of particle astrophysics.
区别是我有小鸡鸡
But with a penis,of course.
太神了
Amazing.
我还小的时候
Ever since I was a little boy,
我爸就想让我像他一样当妇科医生
my father wanted me to be a gynecologist like him.
我哪能做妇科医生?
How can I be a gynecologist?
我都不敢看女人的眼睛!
I can barely look a woman in the eye!
知道吗?
You know what?
我不要父母控制我的未来
I'm not going to let my parents control my future any longer.
是时候摊牌了
It's time for a showdown.
谁给我一个带摄像头的电脑!
Somebody give me a computer with a webcam!
亲爱的 这是酒劲儿
Okay,sweetie,I think that's the grasshopper talking.
我要告诉我父母
And it's about to tell my parents that
我不要跟Lalita Gupta骑象走向圣坛
I'm not riding an elephant down the aisle with lalita gupta.
冷静
Okay,calm down.
没人能逼你结婚
Look,no one can make you get married.
不如跟她见见面 看会怎么样?
Why don't you just meet this girl and see what happens?
你没听我说吗?
Haven't you been listening to me?
我不能跟女人说话
I cannot talk to women.
呃 Raj
Um,raj...
别说 看他多久才醒悟
no,no,let's see how long it takes him.
Raj 亲爱的 你说你不能跟女人说话
Um,raj,honey,you say you can't talk to women,
可你一直在跟我说话
but you've been talking to me.
这将是个永远的谜
And now we'll never know.
说的对...
You're right. I...
我正在和你说话
I am talking to you.
你好 Penny 怎么样?
Hello,penny,how are you?
我很好
I'm fine.
现在我只需确保 和草蜢酒见面之前先喝一杯Lalita
Okay,now I just need to make sure I have a lalita before I meet the grasshopper.
真是甜蜜的绿色奇迹
It's a sweet,green miracle.
好吧 如果你要靠酒撑过这次约会
Okay,if you're going to drink on this date,
向我保证不要太过头
just promise me you won't overdo it.
过什么头?
Overdo what?
快乐过头?
Happiness?
自由过头?
Freedom?
向我保证一切都将顺利无比的 这股体内热流?
This warm glow inside of me that promises everything's going to be all hunky-dunky?
没错
Yeah,that.
你带她来我的餐馆吧
Why don't you bring her to my restaurant
我在吧台可以照看你们
while I'm tending the bar so I can keep an eye on you.
好
Okay.
等等 你们什么计划?
Wait a minute. What's the plan here?
让他俩见面 他喜欢她 娶她
Let's say he meets her,he likes her,they get married.
然后在酒精的麻痹下度过余生?
What's he going to do,stay drunk for the rest of his life?
我父母就是这样
Worked for my parents.
不敢相信小Lalita Gupta坐在旁边
I can't believe I'm sitting here next to little lalita gupta.
事实如此了
Well,you are.
小Lalita
Little lalita.
这个词发音很好玩
That's fd of kinun to say.
小Lalita 小Lalita 小Lalita
Little lalita,little lalita,little lalita.
你可以试试
You should try it.
谢谢不用
Oh,it's okay.
你瘦了很多
You have lost so much weight.
一定很辛苦吧 因为你以前好肥哦
That must have been difficult for you because you were so,so fat.
记得吗?
Do you remember?
我记得
Yes,I do.
当然记得了
Of course you do.
肥成那样 谁能忘得了?
Who could forget being that fat?
我一直在努力
Well,I've been trying.
你现在学牙科了
So you're a dental student.
你知道吗? 牙医的自杀率特别高
Mm,are you aware that dentists have an extremely high suicide rate?
当然没有空中交通管制员高
Not as high as,say,air traffic controllers,but,then,
但是牙医的基数大大高于空管员
there are far mo dreentists than air traffic controllers,
所以单就数量来说 还是你们胜出
so in pure numbers,you're still winning.
赢咯!
Yay,me.
有什么酒能让他变得不那么讨厌?
Do you have a drink that will make him less obnoxious?
没有这种酒
Drinks do not work that way.
我觉得他没问题 看她
I'd say he's doing fine. Look at her.
上次我妈给我安排的相亲对像 不但有胡子 还有残留的尾巴
The last girl my mom set me up with had a mustache and a vestigial tail.
对不起 我来晚了
Sorry I'm late.
怎么了?
What happened?
没什么 我就是有点不太想来
Nothing. I just really didn't want to come.