知道了吧 你吃的这个 不算是真的酸奶酪
so you see what you eating is not technically yogurt,
because it doesn't have enough live acidophilus cultures.
只不过是冰牛奶里加了点 角叉胶 增加粘稠度
It's really just ice milk with carrageenan added for thickness.
Oh,that's very interesting.
It's also not pink and has no berries.
Yeah,but it doesn't really answer my question.
What was your question again?
Do you want some?
- 我受不了乳糖的 - 对哦
- I'm lactose intolerant. - Right.
- 吃了会放屁的 - 好吧 明白了
- So,gas. - Yeah,got it.
Well... good night.
What are you doing?
Oh,there's a draft.
I didn't feel a draft.
Why don't we just go into,uh,your...
Yeah,you know what,maybe we should slow things down a little.
不 我不是说要去你公寓 去急着干嘛干嘛
No,no,I didn't mean to go into your apartment to go fast.
我知道你不是那意思 只是... 这才是咱俩第一次约会
I know what you meant,it's just... this is only our first date.
嗯 好啊 没问题
那我们就先想想 下次要去哪儿 准备啥时候到那儿
Why don't we just figure out where we're going and when we want to get there,
and then rate of speed equals distance over time.
Solve for R.
Or we could just wing it.
That might work,too.
- 晚安 莱纳德- 晚安
- Good night,Leonard. - Good night.
He's coming-- screensaver!
Oh,hey,Leonard. How was your date?
谢尔顿 你怎么能傻坐着 眼睁睁看他们监视我呢?
Sheldon,how could you just sit there and let them spy on me?
They were clever,Leonard.
他们完全明白 我对你那些破事儿 一点兴趣没有
They exploited my complete lack of interest in what you were doing.
You should thank us.
When future generations try to determine why your relationship with Penny crashed and burned,
this right here is the black box.
What are you talking about? The date went fine.
拜托 她都说了 想要慢慢来
Dude,she said she wants to slow things down.
好吧 她是说了 想要慢慢来
Okay,so she said she wants to slow things down.
It's like saying,"I'm really enjoying this meal.
I'm going to slow down and savor it."
才怪 她的意思是 "这鱼真难吃死了
No,it's like,"This fish tastes bad,
so I'm gonna slow down and spit it out."
- 这臭鱼说的就是你! - 我才不是这臭鱼呢
- You being the fish. - I'm not the fish.
Oh,really? Did you make a second date?
这倒没有... 我们说好了 到时候再想
Well,no,we sort of decided to wing it.
Oh,even I know that's lame.
Okay,all right,let's assume your hypothesis.
我们一起去吃饭 有说有笑 有吻有抱
We went to dinner,we talked,we laughed,we kissed.
Where could I have possibly gone wrong?
The littlest things can set women off.
比方说 "嘿 这服务生真辣 我打赌 肯定能让她跟咱回家"
Like,"Hey,the waitress is hot,I bet we could get her to come home with us."
Or,"How much does your mom weigh?
I want to know what I'm getting into."
I didn't say anything like that.
Good,'cause they don't work.
她们也不关心 你是不是盯着她们 呼吸加速
They also don't care for it if you stare at them and hyperventilate.
挺惨的 在我们家 这就像是家族传统
Sadly,that's my home run swing.
Look,everything went fine.
I didn't even have to refer to my impromptu conversation starters.
That woman across the hall is into me.
Let's go to the tape.
Look at her reaction to the good night kiss.
呼吸平稳 瞳孔没有放大 胸口也没啥起伏
No change in respiration,pupils un-dilated,no flushing of the chest.
Nice close-up,by the way.
有意思嘿 她的下巴很紧 也没有用舌头
Interesting. Her jaws are clenched: no tongue access.
Clearly a bad sign amongst mating humans.
That's not a bad sign.
得了吧 还不如说你们是两只鬣蜥 只是喉部没有垂肉罢了
Please,you might as well have been two iguana with no dewlap enlargement.
最糟的就是 这会儿你不在她家 而在这里!
And the worst sign of all is you're here and not there.
我不在她家 因为我也决定慢慢来 这个...
I'm not there because I'm taking things slow,which,
by the way,compared to you guys,approaches warp speed.
And take down that camera.
He was a lot more fun when he had no hope.
Give him time.
顺便说句 2号机器的热水不足 别深色浅色混着洗
FYI,the hot water is inadequate on machine two,so colors only,
4号机器呢 洗衣程序中 还是会提前放出织物柔顺剂
and four is still releasing the fabric softener too early in the cycle,
so I'd avoid using that for your delicates.
why don't you just take your clothes down to the river and beat them with a rock?
Sheldon,can I ask you a question?
I would prefer that you not,but I won't go so far as to forbid it.
All right,I heard yes,so...
Okay,here's my question.
Has Leonard ever dated,you know,a regular girl?
Well,I assume you're not referring to digestive regularity.
Because I've come to learn that such inquiries are inappropriate.
我是说 他有没有跟 没那么大学问的女孩子谈过?
No,I meant,has he ever been involved with someone who wasn't a brainiac?
话说几年前 他确实跟一个 学法国文学的女博士有过一段儿
Well,a few years ago,he did go out with a woman who had a PhD in French literature.
How is that not a brainiac?
Well,for one thing,she was French.
For another,it was literature.
do you think that if Leonard and I keep dating,he'll eventually get bored with me?
- 那得看情况 - 什么情况?
- That depends. - On what?
- 你懂量子物理吗? - 不懂
- Do you have a working knowledge of quantum physics? - No.
- 你会说克林贡语(《星际迷航》影片中的外星语)吗? - 不会
- Do you speak Klingon? - No.
- 你会耍牌吗? - 行了 我说...
- You know any card tricks? - Okay,you know what...
I get it.
Leonard has no business being involved with a waitress-slash-actress
而且她还骗他说 上完了社区大学 心里正发慌呢
who felt so insecure that she lied to him about finishing community college.
Why would you lie about that?
他总是在说这大学怎样 那个研究生院怎么样 我就...
Well,he was going on and on about this college and that grad school,and I...
I didn't want him to think I was some kind of stupid loser.
You thought the opposite of "stupid loser" was "community college graduate"?
You know,there are a lot of successful people in this country who are community college graduates.
Yeah,but you are neither.
对 好吧 你得替我保密
Right. Okay,look,this is between you and me.
You cannot tell Leonard any of this.
- 你要我保守秘密? - 是的
- You're asking me to keep a secret? - Yeah.
那真对不起了 你应该在说出秘密前 表达出要我保密的意思
Well,I'm sorry,but you would have had to express that desire before revealing the secret,
so that I could choose whether or not I wanted to accept the covenant of secret keeping.
You can't impose a secret on an ex post facto basis.
Secret keeping is a complicated endeavor.
One has to be concerned not only about what one says,
but about facial expressions,autonomic reflexes.
我说谎的时候 因为紧张产生的壁虱(tick) 比莱姆关节炎研究设备产生的还多
When I try to deceive,I myself have more nervous tics than a Lyme disease research facility.
It's a joke.
It relies on the homonymic relationship between "tick,"
the bloodsucking arachnid,and "tic," the involuntary muscular contraction.
I made it up myself.
听着 如果莱纳德发现我说谎 我一定羞愧自尽了
Okay,look,if Leonard finds out that I lied,I will absolutely die of embarrassment.
哦 谢尔顿 拜托
Look,I am asking you as a friend.