谢尔顿想促进莱尔德和医生的关系

佩妮 好啊
Penny, hello.
谢尔顿
Hey, sheldon.
你咋样啊
What is shaking?
什么
I'm sorry?
这是口头语嘛 开场白
It's colloquial, a conversation opener.
你觉得今天天气好吗
So, do you find the weather satisfying?
我们本地的球队赢球了
Are you currently sharing in the triumph
你是否为之一振
of some local sports team?
你搞什么名堂 吓到我了
What's wrong with you? you're freaking me out.
我在跟你闲聊啊
I'm striking up a casual conversation with you.
咋样
S'up?
我求你别再说了
Please don't do that.
好吧
All right,
不过我觉得如果你要和某人
But I'm given to understand that
谈一个很尴尬的问题之前
when you have something awkward to discuss with someone,
最好跟他说几句不搭界的闲话
it's more palatable to preface it with banal chit chat.
就是说刚才那还不算尴尬事了?
So, this wasn't the awkward part?
不算
No.
那好吧
Oh, all right.
咋了
S'up?
太好了 我说对了
Oh, good, I used that right.
说正事吧 你应该已经注意到了 莱纳德最近
Anyway, you're aware that leonard has entered into a new
和一个女人发生了一段带有性关系的感情
Romantic relationship which includes a sexual component?
现在我能感到尴尬了
Okay, feeling the awkward now.
她的名字是 斯蒂芬妮·巴内特医生
Her name is dr.Stephanie barnett and she is a highly
她是弗里蒙特纪念医院一名杰出的外科医生
Distinguished surgical resident at freemont memorial.
-莱纳德告诉过我了 -很好
Yeah, leonard told me. good.
但他可能没告诉你
What he may have left out is
这段感情对我来说非常重要
how important this relationship is to me.
对你
To you?
是的 在那些为数不多的和莱纳德约会过的女人中
Yes, see, of the handful of women leonard's been involved with,
只有她还算像个人
She's the only one I have ever found tolerable.
那我呢
Well, what about me?
这应该是不言自明的
The statement stands for itself.
你嘴好甜
Well, aren't you sweet?
而且你应该多和她接触一下
Anyway, should you have any interaction with her,
好让她别感觉到你是她的性竞争对手
It would be most helpful that she not see you as a sexual rival.
我看她没什么好担心的
Yeah, I think she's pretty safe.
你现在是这么说 但看看这样的情况
You say that now, but consider the following senario
漆黑的晚上
you're sitting in your apartment,
你孤身一人坐在家里
It's late, you're alone.
你的下丘脑里正游走着雌激素
Your hypothalamus is swimming in a soup of estrogen and
和孕激素 这时突然在你眼里
Progesterone and suddenly even
就算莱纳德也会是一名有生育能力的性对象
Leonard seems like a viable sexual candidate.
或者说 配对
Or a, uh, "hookup"
现在的都市青年好像都这么说的
As it's referred to by today's urban youth.
-真的吗 -是的
Really? yes.
如果万一发生这种情况
Now, should that happen,
我要求你找到一种压制自己性冲动的办法
I would ask you to find some way to suppress your libido.
只需要想你就可以了
I could think about you.
好 只要管用就行
Fine, whatever works.
和你交谈总是很愉快 谢尔顿
Always nice talking to you, sheldon.
再见[谢尔顿在刻意模仿黑人俚语]
Uh, peace out!
今晚多么美好啊
Well, this is very pleasant.
很高兴你喜欢
Glad you're enjoying yourself.
你还说通心粉三个人吃不够呢
And you said there'd never be enough pasta for the three of us.
我错了
I stand corrected.
你们知道么 意大利的家庭主妇都有这样一种经验
You know, italian housewives have a rule of thumb.
只要抓一把直径为一英寸的通心粉放在锅里烧
A handful of dry pasta about an inch in diameter is
就足够所有人吃的了 因为它在加热之后会膨胀一倍
Sufficient for each person as it doubles in volume when cooked.
非常有趣
That's very interesting.
谢谢
Thank you.
她不是真觉得有趣 只是礼节罢了
She doesn't mean it. she's just being nice.
斯蒂芬妮
Well, stephanie,
既然莱纳德现在不想谈话
Since leonard seems to be dropping the conversational ball,
那么就由我来顶替他
I guess I'll just have to pick it up.
你有没有现场目击过凶杀
Have you ever witnessed a violent crime?
-没 -好的
No. good.
你最喜欢什么水果
What's your favorite fruit?
草莓
Uh, strawberries.
严格来说不算水果 不过也不追究了
Hmm, technically not a fruit, but all right.
你的医学实习是在哪儿做的
Where did you do your medical internship?
劳伦斯纪念医院 在德州的加尔维斯敦
Uh, lawrence memorial in galveston, texas.
真的吗 我就是在那儿出生的
Really? that's where I was born!
不是吧
You're kidding!
在那所医院里 我度过了不少童年时光
I spent so much of my childhood at that hospital.
我十二岁的时候还坐直升机去哪儿呢
When I was 12, I got to ride there in a helicopter.
怎么了啊
Why, w-w-what happened?
辐射烧伤
Radiation burns.
我在造X射线轴向分层造影扫描机的时候发生了一点小意外
A little mishap while I was building my own cat scanner.
你居然尝试自己造一个X射线轴向分层造影扫描机?
I'm sorry, you tried to build your own cat scanner?
我不是尝试 我是成功了
No, I didn't try, I succeeded.
而且我还用它观察了
In fact, I was briefly able to see
我姐姐的小豚鼠 雪球的内脏
the inside of my sister's guinea pig,
然后他就烧起来了
Snowball, before he caught fire.
所以我们家很流行一句话
It led to an interesting
豚鼠躲不过扫描机
"not a snowball's chance in a cat scanner."
谢尔顿
Uh, sheldon?
我离开一下
Excuse me.
我回来之后 为了好玩
When I come back,just for fun,
我们来聊聊架空历史
the subject will be alternative history.
主题是
Specifically,
如果林肯是来自于未来的机器人
How would the civil war have gone differently
那么南北战争的局势将会如何不同
If lincoln had been a robot sent from the future?
看啊 通心粉我们都吃不掉呢
Look at that, there's even pasta left over.
你到底知不知道这是一次约会
Do you understand that this was supposed to be a date?
明白啊
I do.
你明白么 老实说
Do you? because frankly,
自打我坐下后你就呆若木鸡
you've been in a foul mood since I sat down.
好吧 那我的问题是 你为什么要坐下
Okay, here's my question. why did you sit down?
帮你呀
To help.
如果你这次又失手了
Look, if you fail at this relationship,
历史证明你会的
and history suggests you will,
那么我们的先头登陆部队所需的
Then we risk losing the medical officer
军医很可能就没了
That our landing party has always needed.
什么先头登陆部队
What landing party?
你是寇克 我是史波克 沃罗威茨是史考特
You're kirk, I'm spock, wolowitz is scotty,
库萨帕里是那个总是被杀的
Koothrappali is the guy who always gets killed...
现在我们有了麦考伊[《星际迷航》里的人物]
And now we've got mccoy.
所以
So,
我们都站在那看着术后X光片
We're all standing around looking at the post-op x ray
然后就是那个
and there it is,
众目睽睽之下 就在那人的胸腔里
Clear as day, right in the guy's chest cavity...
有我一只耳环
One of my earrings.
天呐 那你怎么办
Oh, my god, what did you do?
你觉得我还能怎么办
What do you think I did?
我偷偷把另一只耳环给摘了
I discreetly slipped off the other earring,
放在兜里逃离现场
Put it in my pocket and then got the hell out of there!
捉迷藏的奖品捏
I have a bone to pick with you, sir.
嗨 谢尔顿
Hi, sheldon.
嗨 斯蒂芬妮
Hi, stephanie.
不好意思我迟到了
I'm sorry I'm late,
但是你的同伴给我的邀请太难破译了
But yourompanion left the most indecipherable invitation.
什么邀请
What invitation?
"我们去看电影了"
"we're going to the movies."
啥电影 啥影院 啥时候
What movie? what theater? what time?
如果你想要我追踪不到你
If you were trying to make it impossible to locate you,
那你干得真是再好不过了
You couldn't have done a better job.
明显我可以的
Oh, clearly I could have.