谢尔顿交朋友

先生们 我告诉你们哟
Gentlemen,I put it to you:
最难吃西米布丁也好过其他口味优质布丁
the worst tapioca pudding is better than the best pudding of any other flavor.
首先 明眼人都知道这话错的 因为最好的布丁是巧克力口味
First off,that is axiomatically wrong because the best pudding is chocolate.
其次 西米的有机结构使布丁 黏糊糊摇晃晃 有潜在致命危险
Secondly,the organic structure of tapioca makes it a jiggling bowl of potential death.
是从植物里提取...
It is extracted from the plant...
嘿 我在考虑留点胡子
Hey,I'm thinking of growing a mustache.
不是吧?
No kidding?
傅满洲那样的? 八字胡 又尖又长?
Fu Manchu,a handlebar,pencil?
- 是从植物中提取 - 还没想好呢
- It's extracted from the plant. - I'm not sure yet.
乔治·克鲁尼现在也留胡子呢
You know,George Clooney has one now.
真的? 我看到过他在拉夫斯超市买龙舌兰酒
Really? I once saw him shopping at Ralph's. He was buying tequila.
你以为他们会有仆人跑腿买酒吗?
You'd think a guy like that would have some kind of booze lackey.
好啦 太残忍了
All right,this is cruel.
我们还是让他说完 不然人家要爆头了
We'd better let him finish before his head explodes.
好吧 谢尔顿 为啥西...
All right,Sheldon,why is tap...
西米由食用木薯根茎提取而成
Tapioca is extracted from the root of the plant manihot esculenta!
由于富含高浓度的氰化物
Due to a high concentration of cyanide,
其本身有毒性 如加工不当即食用会致命
it is poisonous in its raw form and lethal if prepared improperly!
现在爽了吧?
Feel better now?
同时可可豆也是巴西的 从中能提取巧克力 做最好的布丁
It is also indigenous to Brazil as is the coa bean,from which we get chocolate,the best pudding.
求你们别再耍我了!
And you promised you wouldn't do that anymore!
嘿 霍夫施塔特
Hey,Hofstadter.
嘿 Kripke
Hey,Kripke.
听说你最新的反质子衰变实验了
Heard about your latest anti-proton decay experiment.
收集两万数据 却没啥有用的结果
20,000 data runs and no statistically significant results.
灰常了得
Very impressive.
蠢货一个
What a jerk.
别气馁 莱纳德 没用的结果也是结果
Don't feel bad,Leonard. Negative results are still results.
- 就算两万又算啥 - 行啦!
- Even 20,000 of them. - All right!
求你们别在给我打气了
Please don't cheer me up anymore.
别呀 不要让他打击到你 Kripke哪根葱
Come on. Don't let him get to you. It's Kripke.
对呀 大蠢蛋一个
Yeah,he's a ginormous knob.
所以他孤单用餐 而不能坐到这酷酷的桌子来
That's why he eats by himself instead of sitting here at the cool table.
说得对呀
For shizzle.
确实啊 Kripke确实缺乏 咱固有的那种基本社交技巧
It's true Kripke lacks the basic social skills that we take for granted.
但他还操控着新的开放科学网格计算机
But he also controls the new open science grid computer
而我需要它来模拟宇宙早期的结构形态
that I need to use to run some simulations of structure formation in the early universe.
看你有没有那命用上吧
Well,good luck getting time on it.
他可只让他的朋友使用
The only people he lets use it are his friends.
那 解决办法很简单嘛
Well,then,the solution is simple.
我去和他做朋友
I shall befriend him.
Kripke!
Kripke!
啥事?
Yeah?
你觉得我们交个朋友如何?
What would you say to the idea of you and I becoming friends?
我觉得木有啥兴趣哟
I would say I have no interest in becoming your friend.
当真?
Really?
你个里里外外不受欢迎的家伙 目光还真是相当短浅呀
That seems rather shortsighted coming from someone who is generally considered altogether unlikable.
不如重新考虑下吧?
Why don't you take some time to reconsider?
行呀 我去想想
Yeah,I'll do that.
看来咱这开局不错啊
Well,I think we're off to a terrific start.
好了
There you go.
现在所有沃尔伍兹发来的邮件 都会直接进入垃圾箱
Now any e-mail from Wolowitz will go right into your spam folder.
多谢 其实骚扰邮件倒没啥 他穿浴衣的度假照比较雷人
Thanks. I mean,the e-mail doesn't bother me as much as the vacation pictures of him in a bathing suit.
是呀 我也收到了 那可不是浴衣 是晒痕
Yeah,I got the same one,and that's not a bathing suit. It's a tan line.
你好 我是谢尔顿·库珀
Hello,this is Sheldon Cooper.
这是给贝瑞·克里帕奇的留言
I am leaving a message for Barry Kripke.
贝瑞 很高兴在食堂与你邂逅
Barry,it was pleasant seeing you today in the cafeteria.
我注意到你买了推荐沙拉
I saw that you purchased the chef's salad.
显然 你不知道推荐沙拉是 食堂的杂碎肉骗人把戏
Apparently,you did not know that the chef's salad is kitchen trickery to utilize scrap meat.
不过呢 我希望你用餐愉快
Nevertheless,I hope you enjoyed it.
我在追踪待定友谊的发展状况 期待你来电给它定位哟
I'm following up on our pending friendship and I look forward to hearing from you regarding its status.
我是谢尔顿·库珀
Sheldon Cooper.
胆小发明家又咋了?
What's up with Ichabod?
他在交友呢
Uh,he's trying to make a new friend.
真的? 不错嘛
Oh,really? Well,good for him.
除非他像杰佩托做出皮诺曹 不然没戏的
Well,unless he makes one out of wood like Geppetto,I don't think it's gonna happen.
那你们咋成为朋友的?
How did you guys become friends?
大学公告板上的一张传单
There was a flyer on the bulletin board at the university:
"招募室友 吹口哨的勿扰"
"Roommate wanted.Whistlers need not apply."
你就搬进去了?
And you moved in anyway?
我以为他说着玩的
I assumed he was joking.
你绝对想不到有多少量子物理学家 都有反复无常的一面
You'd be surprised how many particle physicists have a whimsical side.
霍华德和拉吉呢? 我是说他咋和他们好上的?
What about Howard and Raj? I mean,how did he become friends with them?
不知道 碳原子是如何构成苯环的?
I don't know. How do carbon atoms form a benzene ring?
价电子亲近
Proximity and valence electrons.
是呀 你这样说也是哈
Well,sure,when you put it that way.
但相处的也不错是吧
But it all worked out,right?
差不多吧 尽管我很怀念口哨
I suppose. I do miss whistling,though.
不是吧?
Oh,come on. Really?
警告一次
First warning.
佩妮 佩妮 佩妮
Penny? Penny? Penny?
给你的
This is for you.
你好 谢尔顿
Hello,Sheldon.
这是啥?
What is this?
我设计的调查表
It's a questionnaire I devised.
我和一位同事交友遇到点困难
I'm having some difficulty bonding with a colleague at work
所以我想做些小调查 更好的了解 为什么我目前的朋友们喜欢我
so I'm doing a little research to better understand why my current friends like me.
嗯 这个问题值得考虑
Yes,well,that is a good question.
但你确定这是最好的办法了?
But is this really the best way to figure it out?
问得好 社会学家很大程度是忽悠
I agree. The social sciences are largely hokum.
但又不能插一个电极到你的大脑 探测你对我友谊问题的反应
But short of putting electrodes in your brain and monitoring your response to my companionship,
就这方法还凑合了
this is the best I can do.
好 "问题1: 按吸引力程度给 谢尔顿·库珀以下各方面排序
Okay,"Question one: "Rank the following aspects of Sheldon Cooper "in order of appeal:"
聪明 洁癖 有趣 Java程序编写?"
Intelligence;ruthless attention to hygiene;playfulness; JAVA applet writing"?
也许头一个问题答案过分明显
I know,I may have started out with a fairly obvious one;
谁不知道我最吸引人的特质之一 有趣
an aspect of my most appealing trait: playfulness.
你直接把它排到1号吧
Why don't you just go ahead and rank that number one?
恐怕剩下的我不能指导你了
I'm afraid you're on your own for the rest.
用不了三个小时就可以完成
It should take you no more than three hours.
等下 这玩意儿有多少个问题呀?
Well,wait. How many questions are on this thing?
区区211个
Only 211.
别担心 为了照顾你 这份高中毕业就能读懂
Don't worry. In deference to you,I kept them all at a high school graduate reading level.
还得谢你 哥们儿
Thanks,pal.
客气啥...姐们儿
You got it... buddy.
谢尔顿 亲爱的 你有没有考虑过 通过让人开心来交友啊?
Sheldon,honey,did you ever consider making friends by being,I don't know,pleasant?
那当然是一个发人深思的假设
Well,that's certainly a thought-provoking hypothesis.
我看你论文写这题目好了
May I suggest it as the topic for your essay?
你的调查问卷 十分让人失望呀
Your questionnaire,very disappointing.
我逢题必答呀 谢尔顿
I answered every question,Sheldon.
你选择题很有规律嘛
You answered the multiple choice questions in a pattern:
A B B A C A B B A C
A- B-A-C.A- B-A-C.
你发现了哈
Oh,you picked up on that,huh?
我怎么会发现不了?
How could I not?
行行好 超过200个问题
Come on. There's over 200 questions.
看有些问题吧
And look at some of these things.
"谢尔顿之于友谊如同太空梭之于什么?"
"Sheldon is to camaraderie as the space shuttle is to blank?"
这里有些适合的答案呀
There are a number of acceptable answers.
例如 C近地运输机
For example,Near-Earth transport."
但绝对不是B鳄梨种植工
But certainly not Avocado rancher."
你在论文里还说等到赛昂人接管地球 我在交友方面会更有运气
And your essay suggesting that I'd have better luck making friends if I wait till the Cylons take over?
请别
Please.
等等 那篇我可是认真写的
Now hold on. I put some real work into that.
是呀 可比沃尔伍兹好多了
Yes,well,it's better than what Wolowitz did.
他画了一个大阴囊的发♥情浣熊
He drew a raccoon with what appears to be a distended scrotum.
还真有点可爱哟
It's kinda cute.
只要不看它那玩意儿
Until you get to the scrotum.
我怎么会有希望建立新的友情关系?
What hope do I have for establishing new relationships given that
现存的朋友们都舍不得用 他们漫长生命的少许小时来帮助我
my current friends apparently could not take a few hours out of their lives to help me?
谢尔顿 我没打算为大蛋蛋浣熊说话
Sheldon,I'm not going to defend a big-balled raccoon.