As a get-out-of-prison gift, Neri had my astrological chart done.
Or she downloaded it from the Internet.
Either way, she thought
it might give me some insight into myself.
I'm a Gemini.
In Latin, Gemini means "twins."
So there's this inherent duality to me, right?
If you believe this shit.
Gemini is an air sign.
Our metal is quicksilver.
-不好意思 -这边是下行的 蠢蛋
- Sorry. - This side is going down, dummy.
I know. I'm a big dummy.
A Gemini's lucky color is yellow.
One of the negative traits of people with my birthday
is that we're often stressed and torn
between personal freedom and ties of love that hold us back.
But on the positive side,
I have the same birthday as Liam Neeson.
I brought home pak boong.
That's morning glory. I'm gonna be really fluent in Thai soon.
At least Thai menu Thai.
I'm not completely sure it's vegan...
because they do put fish sauce in everything,
but it's definitely vegetable-forward.
Do you want some now or should I put it in the fridge?
来吧 古道尔 快便便 你能行的
Come on, Goodall. Make a poo-poo. You can do it.
I'll put it in the fridge.
Piper, we've asked you to please
not bring home non-biodegradable takeout containers.
We are a zero-waste house. Almost.
And I heard you. Ta-da.
My birthday tarot card is the Chariot.
If the Chariot card is presented upright...
it's a signal to enjoy the fruits of your efforts.
"你做到了 孩子 现在该庆祝了"
"You've done it, kid. Time to celebrate."
Maybe we should try that running-warm-water-on-the-feet thing?
不 不 那是尿尿用的
No, no, that's for pee-pee.
We're trying to get her to poop. She gave us poop face.
- I mean... - I'm gonna head to bed.
wouldn't we be happy with either one?
Good luck with the infant potty...
-晚安 帕比 -开张
- Good night, P. - situation.
It might be confusing.
I think we're supposed to get her to pick one, aren't we?
Maybe we should watch the YouTube again?
What were the key words?
Yeah, elimination communication.
Or the, um, the lady with the accent. The Nappyless Technique.
Hi, I'm Sandy.
This is episode 3 of Nappy-Free Life.
Today, we're going to talk about...
You guys, could you remember to pick up vegetable oil
for the car before Wednesday?
I'm very grateful and you are all very, very attractive.
- Wednesday? - Yes.
My probation officer finally gave me permission, remember?
I'm gonna visit my wife?
God, I love saying that.
No. Wednesday's no good.
Goodall has the doctor on Wednesday. We need the car.
That's right! Wellness visit.
Who's following the protocols of Western medicine? You are.
Now make a pee-pee.
Wait, I thought we agreed on poop.
Did we not just agree on poop?
天啊 你说得对 便便 对不起 我太累了
My gosh. You're right. Poop. I'm sorry. I'm so tired.
But you said that I could use it.
How about taking an Uber? Is Uber still bad?
- I can't remember. - Still bad.
I can't take an Uber. I can't afford to pay you rent.
You think I can afford to take an Uber to Litchfield?
You know, uh, actually,
I wanted to talk to you about the rent thing,
because, you know, we could be Airbnb-ing that room.
Who's vacationing in Jackson Heights?
You'd be surprised.
I mean, they can go for up to $62 a night around here.
I don't know why you won't just ask Dad to help you out.
Because my calls go straight to voicemail?
I was really counting on the car.
Shit! We have shit!
Love you, too, Stretch.
Rec time. Line up for rec time.
我没有你要的东西 墨菲 给我让开
I got nothing for you, Murphy. Get out of my way.
But you do. And you don't even know it.
See, there's this
hot dog-eating contest in Coney Island this weekend.
我哥哥周三要过来 是凯尔 不是肖尼
My brother is comin' through on Wednesday. Kyle, not Shawnie.
I'm not giving you my visitation time.
It's my brother.
It's my wife.
Not missin' that one.
I mean, my new bunkie might be an angry thug,
but she's quiet and she ain't half as gassy.
Maybe that marriage of yours is working out so well
'cause you don't got to share a room.
Why don't you steal a time slot from one of your lackeys?
Isn't that what I'm doin' here?
If I punched her in the face right now,
just sucker-punched her nose into her brain,
how much would that cost me?
操 我跟帕波保证了我会守规矩 我要守规矩
Shit. I promised Piper I'd be good. I'm being good.
If you're not in line, you're not going to the yard.
Maybe you should take a poke at me, Vause.
Then you'd get a shot and, lo and behold,
a spot would open up in visitation.
Or maybe you'll get a shot doin' somethin' else.
The Lord works in mysterious ways.
Might as well give in now. God friggin' loves me.
I want drugs.
How about I tell you a story instead?
You see, I got these great stories.
You'll be back. Humans are narrative junkies.
You all got drugs?
I want drugs.
Do you have any drugs?
Thank you, mamacita.
Put your eyes back in your head.
Baby, I'm only scopin' out customers.
Relax. That's just a ding for the cash register.
You know you're Daddy's girl.
你好 朋友 今天是你的幸运日
Hello, my friend. Today is your lucky day.
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