Desperate Housewives S01E01
My name is Mary Alice Young.
When you read this morning's paper,
you may come across an article
about the unusual day I had last week.
Normally, there's never anything newsworthy about my life,
然而 直到上周四 一切都改变了
but that all changed last thursday.
Of course, everything seemed quite normal at first.
I made breakfast for my family.
I performed my chores.
I completed my projects.
I ran my errands.
In truth, I spent the day as I spent every other day,
quietly polishing the routine of my life
until it gleamed with perfection.
That's why it was so astonishing when
I decided to go to my hallway closet
and retrieve a revolver
that had never been used.
My body was discovered by my neighbor,
Mrs. Martha Huber,
who'd been startled by a strange popping sound.
Her curiosity aroused, Mrs. Huber tried to think of a reason
for dropping in on me unannounced.
After some initial hesitation,
she decided to return the blender she
had borrowed from me six months before.
It's my neighbor. I think she's been shot.
There's blood everywhere.
Yes, you've got to send an ambulance.
You've got to send one right now.
And, for a moment,
Mrs. Huber stood motionless in her kitchen,
grief-stricken by this senseless tragedy.
But only for a moment.
If there was one thing Mrs. Huber was known for,
it was her ability to look on the bright side.
I was laid to rest on a Monday.
After the funeral, all the residents of Wisteria Lane
came to pay their respects.
And, as people do in these situations,
they brought food.
Lynette Scavo brought fried chicken.
Lynette had a great family recipe for fried chicken.
Of course, she didn't cook much
while moving up the corporate ladder.
She didn't have the time.
But when her doctor announced she was pregnant,
her husband Tom had an idea.
"Why not quit your job?"
"Kids do better with stay-at-home moms."
"It would be so much less stressful."
But this was not the case.
In fact, Lynette's life had become so hectic
she was now forced to get her chicken
from the fast-food restaurant.
Lynette would've appreciated
the irony if she'd thought about it.
But she couldn't. She didn't have the time.
-都给我停下来 -但是 妈妈
- Stop it, stop it, stop it. - But, mom.
No. You are going to behave today.
I am not going to be humiliated
in front of the entire neighborhood.
And, just so you know how seerious I am...
Santa's cell-phone number.
How did you get that?
I know someone who knows someone who knows an elf.
And if any of you acts up,
so help me, I will call Santa
and I will tell him you want socks for Christmas.
Are you willing to risk that?
Ok. Let's get this over with.
Gabrielle Solis who lives down the
block brought a spicy paella.
Since her modeling days in New York,
Gabrielle had developed a taste
for rich food...
...and rich men.
Carlos, who worked in mergers and acquisitions,
proposed on their third date.
Gabrielle was touched when tears welled up in his eyes.
But she soon discovered this happened
every time Carlos closed a big deal.
Gabrielle liked her paella piping hot.
However, her relationship with her
husband was considerably cooler.
If you talk to Al Mason at this thing,
I want you to casually mention
how much I paid for your necklace.
Why not pin the receipt to my chest?
He let me know how much he paid
for his wife's convertible.
Look, just work it into the conversation.
There's no way I can just work that in, Carlos.
Why not? At the Donahue party,
everyone was talking mutual funds.
You found a way to mentioned you slept with
half the Yankee outfield.
I'm telling you, it came up in the context of the conversation.
Hey, people are starting to stare.
Can you keep your voice down, please?
Absolutely. We wouldn't want
them to think we're not happy.
Bree Van De Kamp, who lives next door,
brought baskets of muffins she baked from scratch.
Bree was known for her cooking,
and for making her own clothes,
and for doing her own gardening,
and for re-upholstering her own furniture.
Yes, Bree's many talents were known
throughout the neighborhood.
Everyone on Wisteria Lane thought of
Bree as the perfect wife and mother.
Everyone, that is, except her own family.
Hello, Mrs. Van De Kamp.
Bree, you shouldn't have gone to all this trouble.
It was no trouble at all.
Now, the basket with the red ribbon
is filled with desserts for your guests,
but the one with the blue ribbon
is just for you and Zachary.
It's got rolls, muffins,
breakfast type things.
Well, the least I could do is make sure
you boys had a decent meal
to look forward to in the morning.
I know you're out of your minds with grief.