this nothing, until I couldn't feel anything anymore.
像是进入了黑暗
I was just this dark,
空旷的黑洞
empty black hole.
我努力想填满它 努力想逃出来
And I tried to fill it up, I tried to fill me back up,
我给崔茜打电♥话♥ 她立刻来了 而我还是没感觉
and I called Trish and she came right away and I felt nothing.
我无法哀悼
And then I tried to mourn at the wake and I felt nothing,
于是我不停喝酒 但是没用
and so I drank and I drank, and nothing worked.
我什么感觉都没有 谢丽
I couldn't feel anything, Shirley.
摸了她的皮肤后 我感觉不到
After I touched her skin, I couldn't feel...
任何事了
anything.
然后我们在地下室 灯灭了
And then we're in the basement and the lights go out.
我看不见
And I can't see.
感觉不到
And I can't feel.
我就像漂浮在虚无的海洋中
And I'm just... I'm just floating in this ocean of nothing,
我想这难道就是死亡
and I wonder if this is it, if this is what death is,
就待在黑暗之中
just out there in the darkness,
只有黑暗 麻木与孤独
just darkness and numbness and alone,
我想她是不是这种感觉
and I wondered if that's what she felt
妈是不是这种感觉
and that's what mom feels,
只有麻木和孤独
and it's just numb and nothing and alone.
如果我们都是这样呢
What if that's what it is for all of us
当那一刻到来时
when the time comes?
然后突然灯亮了 他就在旁边
And then the lights came on and there he was, and I...
我没看见是他 我没看见
I didn't see him. I didn't see him.
他是黑暗中的一道光
He was the light in the darkness.
他是海洋中的救生船
He was a life preserver in the ocean.
我抓住他 因为我必须得有感觉
I just... I reached for him because I had to feel something.
任何感觉都行
I had to feel anything.
而我没看见他
And I didn't see him.
我没看见他 没看见
I didn't... I didn't see him. I didn't see him.
我没看见他
I didn't see him!
他阻止了我 阻止了我
And he stopped me. He stopped me.
他抓住我的手说不行
He took my hands, and he said no,
然后我看见他了 后来你就进来了
and then I saw him, and then you walked in.
天啊 不过我真的很高兴
God, I'm so glad I did it, though.
因为起作用了
Because it worked.
天啊 起作用了
Oh, God, it worked.
我又开始有感觉了
I started feeling things again,
我感到羞耻 悲伤
and I felt... I felt shame, and I felt grief,
我感到害怕
and I felt... scared.
我真的很害怕
I felt so fucking scared
我怕失去仅剩的一个姐妹
that I was gonna lose the only sister that I had left.
而且我
And I...
说实话 我必须这么做 因为总比没感觉好
Honestly, I had to do it, because it felt better than nothing.
虽然是很羞耻
That thorough fucking shame
比可怕空洞的虚无要好得多
was so much better than that horrible, empty nothing.
我不能 谢丽
I can't... Shirley, please.
我真的
I am... I am so...
真的很抱歉
I am so, so, so sorry.
真的很抱歉
I'm so sorry.
求你了
Please, just please.
一 二 三 四
One, two, three, four,
五 六 七
five, six, seven.
一
One,
二 三
two, three,
四 五
four, five,
六
six...
妈妈
Mom.