然后门关上了
And then the door closed,
然后
and...
然后他死了
And then he died.
你得说出来
You have to say it.
你总得说出来 史蒂文
You gotta finally say it, Steve.
-问题就在这 -我知道
- That's the problem. - I know.
门关上了 然后我
The door closed and then I...
我
I-- I, uh--
我说不出来
I can't say what happened.
现在还早 你上♥床♥吧
It's still too soon. Why don't you come to bed?
不 莉 我
No, Leigh, I mean, I--
我说不出门关上后发生了
I can't say what happened after the door closed.
我不记得了
I don't remember.
我怎么从房♥子出来的
I mean, how I got out of the house.
我不记得回加州了
I-- I don't remember coming back to California.
我不记得我们
I don't remember us...
和好了
reconciling.
也不记得发现你怀孕了
Or finding out you were pregnant.
你当然不记得
Well, of course you don't.
因为你还没写
Because you haven't written it yet.
你写出来前有真的吗 史蒂文
I mean, is anything real before you write it, Steve?
你写的东西是真的 那些人是真的
The things you write about are real, those people are real,
他们的感情是真的 痛苦也是
their feelings are real, their pain is real,
但对你来说不是吧
but not to you, is it?
在你咀嚼消化
Not until you chew it up and you digest it
拉在纸上前都不是真的
and you shit it out on a piece of paper.
即使到那时 最多也就是苍白的模仿
And even then, it's a pale imitation at best.
你把别人的生活 爱情 失去和痛苦
You take other people's lives and love and loss and pain,
拿走吞食 史蒂文
and you eat it, Steve.
你是个吞食者
You are an eater.
你吞下去 然后拉出来
You eat it and you shit it out,
这时对你来说才是真的
and then, and only then, is it real for you.
普通人是由血肉筋骨组成的
Normal people's lives are flesh and blood and muscle and bone,
你不是 亲爱的
but not yours, darling. Oh, no.
你是塑料做的
Your life is plastic.
你是塑料寄生虫
You are a plastic parasite.
塑料文人 不是吗 亲爱的
A plastic hack, aren't you, honey?
你当然不记得你是怎么改善我们的婚姻
So of course you don't remember how you healed our marriage
生出孩子 因为你没看见
or made our baby, because you haven't really seen it.
对吧 你还没拉出来
Have you? You haven't shat it out in prose.
坦白了说 我在你的故事里一直都是配角
I was always a supporting player in your story, if we're honest.
给你做饭 和你做♥爱♥ 付账单
I would feed you and fuck you and pay the bills
你就在那写点
while you squinted over some novel
没人看 不会发表的小说
that nobody was going to read or publish,
但我付你钱了 对吧
but I paid you to write them, didn't I?
我为你的梦想买♥♥单
I picked up the check for your dreams
跟自己的梦想道别了 这样都不够
and I said goodbye to mine, and not even that was enough.
别骗我 亲爱的 我不是真的
Don't lie to me, honey. I wasn't real.
我要是 你就不可能走出那扇门
If I was real, you never would have walked out that door,
但我不是 你走出去了 现在这个
but I wasn't, and you did, and now this one...
这个
this...
小家伙
little one...
她也不是真的
she won't be real either.
她在踢我
She's kicking.
她饿了
Oh, she's hungry.
她肯定像爸爸一样爱吃
She must be an eater like her dad.
如果是的话 亲爱的
If she is, my love,
如果她在里面吃我
if she eats me from the inside
我像水泡一样炸开
and I burst like a blister,
你会疯吗
will you lose your mind?
就像你妈一样
Like your mother?
史蒂文
Steve.
卢克
Luke.
卢克 天啊
Luke. Oh, God.
天啊
Oh, my God.
不不不
No, no, no.
卢克
Luke.
别死
Come on.
妈妈
Mom.
我帮不了她
I couldn't help her.
我知道我搞砸了
Look, listen, I know I fucked up. Okay?
但我没有吸毒 真的
But I-- I didn't use, I didn't,
我好他妈冷
and I'm so fucking cold,
手脚都冻僵了
and my... my arms and legs are so stiff, I just...
我需要一张床
I need-- I need a bed.
沙发也行 睡地板都行
Like a couch. I'll sleep on the goddamn floor.
拜托
Just... please.
请让我回去 拜托
Please, please, please let me come back, please.
怎么样
What do you think?
这里戒毒挺好的
It's the perfect place to get clean for a few days.
钱付过了 还有客房♥服务呢 卢克
We're already paid up and they even have room service, Luke.
我这一生都在被人放弃
You know, everybody's always given up on me my whole life.
但你没有 卢克
But not you, Luke. Not you.
你救了我
You saved me.
但我没成功
But I, um, I didn't.
你
I mean, you...
你拿着钱跑了
You took the money and you ran away.
-我没找到你 -不
- I never found you. - No.
不 我来这了
No, I came here.
开了个房♥间
I got us this hotel room.
还在电♥话♥亭找到你了 记得吗
And I found you at the payphone, remember?
嗯
Right.
你为什么要跟着我
Why did you follow me?
你没跟我说过真正的原因
You never did tell me the real truth.
我觉得是你喜欢我
I think it's 'cause you're sweet on me.
有点吧
A little bit.
我准备了一个东西
I have something for us.
最后一次 戒前最后爽一下
One last time, just to get well before we get clean.
不 我戒毒90天了
No, I'm 90-days clean.
其实是92天
Ninety-two, actually.
嗯 但这不算戒
Yeah, but that's not clean.
你可以按照12步来拿纪念章
You can 12-step it and collect your chips,
但你永远都戒不了
but you're never clean,
不可能戒掉
never really clean,
因为针头总会回到你的胳膊上
because one day that needle's going back in your arm.
你和针头有个约定
You have an appointment with that needle.
它在等你
You're expected.
不是的
No, that's-- No, that's not true.
我知道你在想什么
I know what you're thinking.
你在想我把你的钱花在这上了
You're thinking this is what I did with your money.
其实是史蒂文的钱
I mean, Steve's money. Let's be real.
你在想我在巷子里给胳膊打♥针♥
You're thinking that I put it in my arm in some alley
也许就死在那了
and maybe I died there.
上吐下尿的
In the puke and the piss.
巷子里的老鼠在我身上撕咬
And the alley rats are chewing on me right now.
小黄牙
Little yellow teeth...
咬烂我的眼珠
punching through the jelly... of my pretty eyes, right?
天啊 好爽
God, that's good.
一起来吧 卢克
Come with me, Luke.
不
No.
不行
No, I won't.
宝贝 你已经打了
Baby, you already did.
戈登是对的
Oh, Gordon was right.
如果看墙纸够久
If you look long enough at the wallpaper,
就能看到那个小姑娘
you can see that little girl.
小女孩的溏心蛋眼睛
It's the little girl with the runny- egg eyes.
卢克 卢克
Luke! Luke!
我都试了
But I've tried everything.
-也许咱俩 -爸爸
- Maybe with the two of us... - Dad!
史蒂文 等等
Steve, wait!