Previously on Kidding...
Our next guest is celebrating
his 30th anniversary in children's television.
I had a son named Phil.
Will, we're finally getting new neighbors.
If Jill finds out you bought the house next to her,
she'll take Will and leave.
I saw Jill hugging another man.
You mean fucking.
Please don't use a bad word when you can use a good word.
Are you and Dad getting divorced?
No. Why would you ask me that?
I think Scott might be gay.
I need to know, did you have sexual relations
with the Japanese version of your brother?
I want you to know that you can
come by the house whenever you like.
Tonight? We could go for a walk.
Will's smoking reefer like a jazz musician.
You are breaking your father's heart with this shit.
I have a tremendous amount of pent-up anger.
And I know I dress like a Mormon
and I talk like a monk,
but inside, I'm Mount St. Helens
and it's 1980 and I am magma from the neck down.
Thanks for trusting me with Will.
You wanna smoke a joint?
Do you think your dad's gonna kill
- 你妈妈的新男友吗 - 不会
- your mom's new boyfriend? - No.
That wouldn't be nice.
As long as I've known the both of you,
I have enjoyed watching
your shared and selfless language of kindness.
Yours is a chemistry
built on the mutual love of love itself
and the knowledge
that each of you contains the inner strength
to tackle every challenge together.
To borrow a tradition I admire from another faith...
May your love last as long as it takes
to put this glass back together.
This part always felt a little violent
for holy matrimony.
You have it in you.
I know it.
来吧 杰夫 踩了他
Go on, Jeff, smash it.
I love you...
Gosh, I hope so,
after all that buildup.
Mr. Pickles, this is Bobby Belongo
with the South Bend chapter of the Pickles Platoon.
I've got a bunch of rowdy Pickle Pals here
who wanted to serenade you on Christmas Eve.
And this is Danny.
Danny earned the most pickle points this year,
and as a reward, he gets to wish you good yule tidings
all by himself.
Merry Christmas, Mr. Pickles.
Merry Christmas, Danny.
Have you been a good boy this year?
He was on drugs.
- 彼得 - 彼得
- Peter. - Peter.
I'll call 911.
Cervical spine's intact.
Multiple traumas to the chest and abdomen... tell them!
How many traumas is multiple traumas?
- 你没事吧 - 你在跟我说话吗
- Are you okay? - You talking to me?
Jeff, you were in a car accident.
Are you hurt?
No. Thank you for asking.
Please stay on the line.
Calls are answered in the order they are received.
It's Christmas Eve. You'll never get through.
- 他死了吗 - 我们得把他抬到
- Is he dead? - We need to put him
- 担架上 - 这都是我的错
- on some kind of stretcher. - This my fault.
- 这是我♥干♥的 - 他吃了一片安比恩
- I did this. - He took an Ambien.
Who knows what he was thinking?
He probably walked right in front of you
and didn't even realize it.
Jeff, Jeff! Jeff!
If he's not on an operating table
in 20 minutes, he is going to bleed out.
I need you.
Is my toboggan still in the garage?
I think we should see other people.
What else does he need?
He needs you to drive as fast as humanly possible!
Don't do drugs!
坚持住 彼得 我们马上带你去医院
Hold on, Pete. We're gonna get ya help!
Oh, it's just Santa!
- 是个假圣诞老人 - 好吧
- It's just Santa! - Okay.
Um, uh, hold on.
Just kick it!
I'm gonna call out the road,
and you're gonna repeat it back, okay?
- 好的 - 左急转
- Okay. - Sharp left!
Sharp left. Ah!
Gimme your hand!
Gimme your hand. Gimme your hand.
Keep your fingers gently on his neck.
I need you to register his pulse
so I can keep putting pressure on the bleeding.
- 地上有坑 - 有坑
- Pothole! - Pothole! Ow!
If you don't feel a pulse,
I need you to pull over so I can perform CPR!
We're almost there. Changing lanes!
- 又换回来了 - 又换回来了
- Changing back! - Changing back!
Fuck this fucking light!
What the fuck is up with this fucking light?
Get me to the hospital. Get me to the hospital.
Get me to the hospital!
I'm gonna call out the road,
and you're gonna repeat it back to me.
- 右转 - 我听不见你说话
- Right turn. - I can't hear you.
The twins are giving me the-the hiccups.