我为那个慈善学校全心全意付出的
I poured my heart and soul into that institution.
但是并没有什么印迪亚女子学校
But there is no Indica School for Girls.
顺便说一下
And while we're at it,
也没有什么大♥麻♥荡♥妇♥学校
there's no Sativa School for Sluts
也没有什么海♥洛♥因♥种马高中
or Heroin High School for Horses.
你这些都是伯利兹酒店的收据
There's just receipts from hotels in Belize
和泳池边吃的煎蛋卷的账单
and poolside omelets!
我给真实存在的女孩们建了一所真实存在的学校
I built a real school for real girls.
只不过
It's just...
在森林里 而且不通电♥话♥
in the woods, and there's no phone.
- 那她们学校的吉祥物是什么 - 恐龙啊
- And what's their mascot? - The Dinosaurs.
印迪亚恐龙女子学校
The Indica School for Girls Dinosaurs.
没错 洛杉矶恐龙
Yes. Los Dinos.
是啊 我伯信你
Well, I don't Belize you.
你一直在往自己口袋里吞那些钱
You've been pocketing that cash.
而且你没有告诉联邦
And in exchange for not telling the feds
而是自己搞了一个假的慈善机构
that you started a fake charity,
我要马蒂的完全监护权
I want full custody of Maddy!
我还没准备接受你的提议
Well, I'm not prepared to accept that offer.
那你去吃屌♥吧
Well, then eat a dick.
你他么才吃屌♥
You eat a fucking dick.
你开除了我 我不生气
I'm not angry that you fired me.
我有过两份很重要的工作
I had two important jobs,
但我忘记了其中一个是当你的父亲
and I forgot the one about being your father.
我决定把这次类谋杀的小意外
I've chosen to take this quasi-homicidal incident
去跟
with, um...
那个倒霉鬼叫啥来着
what is that unfortunate man's name again?
- 彼得吗 - 对 彼得
- Peter? - Peter, yes,
去跟他讲 来证实这一切
as confirmation of all this.
这一切生意的事我都不掺和了
I'm stepping away from the business.
我也不会反抗
I won't put up a fight.
现在是你的节目了 而我只作为你父亲
It's your show now, and I'm just your dad.
很好
Great.
因为我有个绝妙的主意
Because I have a wonderful idea.
可不是嘛
Oh. Tell me about it.
你想象一下我出现在每个孩子的房♥间里
Picture me in every child's room...
- 嗯 - 24小时不间断
- Mm-hmm. - 24-7.
别管什么 跟我说腌黄瓜先生了
Forget Talk-To-Me Pickles.
我们要打造 听我说腌黄瓜先生
We're gonna build Listen-To-Me Pickles.
里面有微芯片的
See, it's got a microchip inside it
孩子们就可以跟我讲话
so kids can talk to me
我也可以跟他们讲话了
and I can talk to them,
即时的 通过电视广播就可以
instantly, over the airwaves.
很强硬嘛
Well, it's aggressive.
我连盒子上的标语都想好了
I even have a tagline for the box:
腌黄瓜先生杰夫 永远听你诉说
"Jeff Pickles is always listening to you."
怀里抱着娃娃 他们已经准备好睡觉了
They're already going to sleep with the doll in their arms.
我就可以祝他们好梦了
Now I get to wish them good night.
我希望每个小孩的床头
I want eight inches of me
都有个八英寸的我
in every child's bed.
我知道可能会有一些怀疑论者
Now, I understand there may be some skeptics out there...
质疑隐私之类的问题
privacy issues and all.
但社交媒体就是智商洼地
But social media is a brain cancer.
咱们就要这样绕开它
This is our way around it.
我会给玩具公♥司♥的熟人打电♥话♥
I'll, uh, call my contact at Toyco.
看看她有什么想法
We'll see what she thinks.
没关系
That's okay.
我来给她打电♥话♥
I should call her.
对
Right. Um...
可以帮我个忙吗
will you do me a favor?
你妹妹需要你
Um, your sister needs you.
她正在闹离婚
She's going through a divorce.
你能抽空陪陪她吗
Will you stay with her for a bit?
你看 你应该也不想在那个可怜的
I mean, you don't want to convalesce
小破屋里自己养伤 对吧
in your sad little hovel, do you?
我喜欢我的公♥寓♥
I like my apartment.
拜托 就到她能重整旗鼓为止
Please, just till she gets on her feet.
我以父亲的身份请求你
I'm asking you, as the father.
- 帮帮我 - 尽管说
- Do me a favor. - Anything.
你好吗
Hi, how are you?
不遗余力
Whatever you need.
你哥哥需要你
Your brother needs you.
他正在闹离婚
He's going through his divorce.
我觉得最好能
I feel it would be a good idea
让他搬来你这里
if he moved in with you,
到他重整旗鼓为止
just till he gets back on his feet.
杰夫在哪儿
Oh, where is Jeff?
在门口车道上磨蹭呢
Inching his way up the driveway.
他需不需要帮忙啊
Does he need help or...
那这个小忙你能帮我吗
Can you help me with this little favor?
可以 迪尔德丽为您服务
Yes! Deirdre is here to help.
你还好吗
Are you okay?
你听见直升机声了吗
Do you hear a helicopter?
没有
No.
请你再帮我一个忙
I'd like you to do me another favor.
好的
Done.
你都不知道是什么忙
You don't know what it is yet.
只要你说出来
I'm sure when I hear it,
我排除万难也会搞定的
I'll dig it all the way to China.
我希望
I want you...
你能把生意接手过去
to take over the business.
我要退休了
I'm retiring.
累了
I'm tired.
这匹老马是时候该退
It's time for this old sailor to...
我以为是杰夫炒了你
I thought Jeff fired you.
谁炒了谁重要吗
Does it matter whose idea it was?
你确定他没问题吗
Are you sure he's okay?
确定
Yes.
他就快走到花盆附近了
He's almost at the planters.
我知道你肯定要说
I know you're going to say
对这种事情你没有经验
that you have no experience with things like this.
但我信任你
But I believe in you.
我加入 我能搞定
I'm in. I got it.
最重要的就是要温柔又坚定
The most important thing is to gently but firmly...
直击他最糟糕的情绪点
sit on your brother's worst impulses.
- 他把我的想法告诉你了吗 - 没有 什么
- Did he tell you my idea? - No, what?
我想造一种能连接无线网的娃娃
I want to create a Wi-Fi-connected doll
能让我完全不受监视地
that lets me talk to America's children
跟美国小孩们说话
completely unsupervised.
我喜欢 真的很喜欢这主意
I love it. I fucking love it!
作为你的朋友和经纪人
As your friend and your realtor,
我必须坚决提醒你
I'm afraid I have to advise you strongly
不要现在把这房♥子投入市场
not to put this place on the market right now.
我买♥♥下这个房♥子时
When I purchased this house,
我想象着活在我上一个家的
I imagined living in a mirror image
镜像复♥制♥品里会很放松
of my former home would be therapeutic,
很治愈
healing.
然而 它却使我陷入了那个不能复生的过去
Instead, it just made me yearn for a past I couldn't revive...
只看见无限忧愁的未来
promised me a future double-dipped in melancholy.
它是一只双层的棺材
A two-story coffin.
是回忆飘荡在墙板之间
A shadowed canyon where memories echo
又悄然没入空虚的
off the vinyl siding...
一个阴暗峡谷
and crash silently into the void.
看来你很确定了
You seem motivated.
那我来起草文件
Let me draw up the paperwork.
到本周末就能发布在地♥产♥查询网站上了
We can have this up on Zillow by the end of the week.
就这么办 乔安妮
You do that, Joanne.
彼得
Peter?
真高兴你来了
I'm glad you're here.
- 这是什么 - 你有笔吗
- What's this? - Do you have a pen?