前情提要
Previously on Kidding...
不要吸毒
Don't do drugs!
我们要打造“听我说”腌黄瓜系列
We're gonna build Listen-To-Me Pickles.
我该去跟彼得谈谈
I should go talk to Peter.
我不觉得你妻子希望这样
I don't think your wife wants that to happen,
但是他想跟你谈谈
but he wants to talk to you though.
我通过看你的节目学习英语
I learned English from watching your show.
他叫约瑟夫·波科维奇
His name is Josip Butkevich.
某个克罗地亚的配音演员
He's some Croatian voice actor.
我得写张六万美元的支票
I have to write a $600,000 check
否则国税局得找我麻烦了
so the IRS won't pummel me.
你得重新播出《木偶时间》
You're gonna put Puppet Time back on the air.
不是老爹 是你
Not Dad. You.
杰克和吉尔爬山坡
* Jack and Jill went up the hill
去取一桶水
* To fetch a pail of water
杰克摔了一跤 弄坏了他的王冠
* Jack fell down and broke his crown
吉尔跌跌撞撞地跟在他身后
* And Jill came tumbling after
说本地话
speaking native language
我们需要朋友
We need friends...
一起开怀大笑的朋友
Friends to laugh with,
一起分享的朋友
friends to share with,
一起玩耍的朋友
friends to play with,
一起学习的朋友
friends to learn with.
我们需要朋友 因为朋友帮助我们成长
We need friends because friends help us grow.
朋友帮助我们成长吗
Friends help us grow?
真正的朋友就会
True friends do.
真正的朋友就会
True friend do.
但什么是真正的朋友呢 腌黄瓜先生
But what's a true friend, Mr. Pickles?
朋友是某位能够提醒你的人
* A friend is someone that could tell you
- 特别是当果冻 - 出现在你的脸颊上的时候
- When there's jelly... - On your face.
朋友是你能够无话不说
A friend is someone you can tell any...
约瑟夫
Josip.
当你需要向某人倾诉时
* When you need someone to talk to
你永远可以依赖一位朋友
* You can always depend on a friend
一个真正的朋友
* A true friend
朋友是可以跟你打电♥话♥粥的人
* A friend is someone you call on the phone
当你感到寂寞 会陪伴你左右的人
* To be by your side when you're feeling alone
朋友是关心在乎你的人
* A friend is someone who will care for you so
当你觉得自己有所缺失时 他们会填补你内心的空虚
* When you feel a little broken, they can make you feel whole
当寂寞的日子来临时 你永远可以依赖
* When the day feels lonely, you can always depend
你的朋友 一位真正的
* On a friend, a true...
来自俄亥俄州的问候
Hello from Ohio.
在您如今所居住的塞尔维亚和克罗地亚地区
It's almost time to have supper where you live,
差不多到了晚饭时间咯
Serbia and Croatia.
你打算吃点什么呢
What are you having?
我打算以一首歌♥解决晚餐 晚餐之歌♥
I'm having a song for dinner. A supper song.
你觉得我跟他的声音像吗
Do you think I sound like him?
朋友是可以跟你打电♥话♥粥的人
* A friend is someone you can call on the phone
当你感到寂寞 会陪伴在你左右的人
* To be by your side when you're feeling alone
朋友是真正关心你灵魂的人
* A friend is someone who will care for your soul
当你觉得自己有所缺失时 他们会填补你内心的空虚
* When you feel broken, they'll make you feel whole
咱就算扯平了
Let's call it even.
你好啊 杰夫
Hello, Jeff.
我是约瑟夫·波科维奇
This is Josip Butkevich.
你应该记得我吧 我弄了个玩偶风格的色情作品网站
You may remember me from my puppet-based erotica website.
真抱歉你的动画系列节目没成功
I'm sorry your animated series did not work out,
但是我希望你父亲的事能有所好转
and I hope that things are better with your father.
我知道你不会回应我
I know you won't respond to this,
但如果你需要朋友的话
but if you ever need a friend, you have one
塞尔维亚和克罗地亚的边界区就有一位哦
on the border between Serbia and Croatia.
所以 腌黄瓜先生 咱们来谈谈这个新玩偶吧
So, Mr. Pickles, let's talk about this new doll.
有点像亚莉克莎 但是比起电脑
It's kind of like Alexa, but instead of a computer,
有一个中年大叔能够在另一端倾听
there's a middle-aged man listening on the other end.
孩子们的声音理应被倾听 我选择倾听
Children deserve to be heard. I chose to listen.
要知道 很抱歉 但作为一个母亲
You know, I-sorry, but as a mother,
也作为第一位芭比名人
and also the first celebrity Barbie...
但是我不得不说 我感到非常意外
But I just have to say that it's kind of surprising to me
家长能够接受这个
that parents are okay with this.
他们似乎也不介意给孩子们买♥♥智能手♥机♥
They don't seem to mind giving their children smartphones
让他们能够接触到色情文化且能够直播学校枪击案啥的
with access to pornography and livestream school shootings.
“听我说”腌黄瓜玩偶应该是这一切现象的解毒剂
Listen-To-Me Pickles was meant to be an antidote to all that,
避免孩子社交堕落的办法
a way to bypass the depravity of social media,
给予孩子他们所渴望且应得的关注
to give children the attention they crave and so deserve.
你的节目曾播出了30年
You had a show on air for 30 years,
而现在却停播了
and... now it's not.
你对此作何感想
How is that affecting you?
我很想念我的朋友
I miss seeing my friends,
“打结的马”和“无聊的悲伤者”
Snagglehorse and Ennui Le Triste.
“尤克里里拉里”和“天文学家”
Uke-Larry and Astronotter.
但是我创建了一个世界
But I created a world
孩子们能够看到我 我看不到他们
where children could see me and I couldn't see them.
现在我创建出了一个方式 能够让我们彼此相连
Now I've created a way for us to really connect
互相沟通
and talk to each other.
我拥有了前所未有多的朋友
I have more friends now than I've ever had.
腌黄瓜先生 你将拥有200多个可以倾诉的朋友了
Well, Mr. Pickles, you're gonna have 200 more friends to talk to
因为所有演播室里的人
because everyone in our studio audience
都将免费得到一个“听我说”玩偶
is getting a free Listen-To-Me Pickles doll!
杰夫 你朋友并不多 对吧
Jeff, you don't have a lot of friends, do you?
作为一个腌黄瓜玩偶 我的朋友多得数不清了
Oh, I have millions of them in terms of Pickle pals.
而且还有个姐姐
And I have my sister.
而且还有一帮孩子
And the children I speak to
我能够通过一个因特网连接的娃娃跟他们交流
over an internet-connected doll.
所以 我确实没多少朋友
So... no, I guess I don't.
要知道 康复过程中 重要的一个环节
You know, an important part of recovery
就是跟人交流
is just having somebody to talk to.
切口部分还疼吗
How's your pain at the incision point?
巨无敌疼
Ah... a lot.
- 吃了止痛药还疼吗 - 我没吃那些
- Even with the oxycodone? - I haven't been taking those.
你是在经历什么副作用吗
Are you experiencing side effects?
我觉得鸦♥片♥开药过量了
I believe opiates are overprescribed
而且极其容易上瘾
and highly addictive.
正是它们剥夺了无数孩子的父母
They've robbed children of their parents
以及无数父母的孩子
and parents of their children.
我可不想受它影响
I don't wanna be a part of that.
但是杰夫 你会疼死的
But Jeff, you're gonna feel a lot of pain.
没有别的选择了吗
Isn't there some kind of alternative?
没有什么不致瘾 有机 纯天然的东西吗
Something non-addictive, organic, all-natural?
我可以通融一下
I believe I can accommodate that.
多谢
Thank you.
我给你开医用大♥麻♥
I'm gonna prescribe you medical marijuana.
天呐
Oh, God.
嘿 彼得
Hey, Peter?
你想啥时候一起吃个午饭吗
You wanna go to lunch sometime?
所以 你在西雅图待多久
So how long you in Seattle?
- 在去纽约之前都待在这 - 纽约有什么
- Till I go to New York. - What's in New York?
你的竞争对手
Your competition.
如果我们能够承包过去三十年《木偶时间》的播放权
I'd write you a check right now if it meant we could stream
我现在就能写支票给你
the last 30 years of Puppet Time on our service.
这次我可不想
It's the new stuff I'm uncomfortable
再把亚马逊的大名加在合同里
putting Amazon's name on.
我会买♥♥下节目档案
I will buy the archives.
我跟你♥爸♥说了我会
I told your dad I would.
但是我不打算让你重新做节目
But I'm not putting you back on the air.
你担心杰夫的言论自♥由♥受干扰
You're worried about Jeff having a filter.
现在 没人能干扰他发言
Right now, he doesn't have a filter,
他每天都在通过一个
and he's broadcasting every day
因特网连接的会说话的娃娃搞放送
through a network of talking dolls
鬼知道是凭借了啥
because what the fuck?
知道谁买♥♥那些娃娃吗 家长们
And who buys the dolls? The parents.
知道他们在哪些网站买♥♥那些娃娃吗
And what website are they buying them on?