Previously on Kidding...
Do you believe you could turn back time?
I think we should fuck.
I serve a higher moral authority:
the children of Japan.
Stop! Stop! Stop!
Scott is entitled to half.
What is divorce?
Divorce is when a husband and a wife
decide they don't want to be married to each other.
See you at the bottom.
Divorce is for the best.
Please! Please, no!
You got divorced on national television
before an audience of mostly children.
Now, do you still think that was "for the best"?
Well, what about the critics who argue
that you singlehandedly have broken up more homes
than anyone in the whole of humanity?
Homes don't break.
which I truly believe is for the best.
But what about what happened in the Philippines?
Was that for the best?
What-what happened in the Philippines?
You don't know what happened?
Here. Here, here.
Please! Please, no!
I wasn't aware of this incident.
But do you feel responsible for the death of Phil?
What did you say?
Excuse me one second.
Do you feel responsible
for the death of Filipino Pickles?
They threw him off a roof.
He landed on an ice cream vendor.
Is the ice cream vendor okay?
He may never walk again.
So there's a chance he could walk again?
Where's the funeral?
There isn't one.
Philippines won't let Ginoo Pickles' body
be buried on their soil, so...
...they have to bury him at sea.
Now you want my advice?
A man is dead...
a man I hired!
I didn't say "advice." I said "read."
I want your read.
My read is, I was right
about this listening doll,
this death-threat- receiving machine.
Do you want to send a message?
No, I do not!
Calm down. Have a seat.
There is nowhere to sit
in this entire office.
I thought I had one chair!
And look at this mess.
Do you want a new iPhone
but your money's all tied up in your home?
Then you need a reverse mortgage.
Trust me. It's not a scam.
Unlocking the hidden equity in your home is Snaggle-rific.
I'm Stacy Keach,
and Snagglehorse is right.
Together, we're gonna take you on a trail ride
through the land of fiscal empowerment.
Plus, it's just common sense
that anything in reverse
is always twice as fun as doing it the normal way.
The whores have stolen the children, Deirdre,
on your watch.
Fili-Pickles is dead.
And they're going to bury him at sea
like some Pickle bin Laden.
You want my advice?
Do not let Jeff bury that man,
and bring back my leather couch.
How do you nap?
I don't nap, Dad!
And it's not my fault the Philippines
enforce some militant brand of Catholicism.
The divorce is on you, though.
Not blaming, just saying.
You do that a lot, you know.
Mistake an opportunity
to be a good father
with an occasion to shame me.
Every now and then, just so you know,
I could use a thumbs-up from you,
咱俩都心知肚明 一句“干得漂亮 小迪”
since we both know that "Good job, Dee Dee,"
is too hard to say.
If you want to fix this,
you have to think of Jeff as a child.
You have to discourage him.
It's fine. I know what to do.
I told my daughter that Daddy and I
were just getting a second house,
but now she knows it's divorce.
My mom broke up with my dad
because of the song you sang.
Wife waiting for me when I get home.
在家埋伏我 还说 腌黄瓜先生说得对
Ambushes me, says Mr. Pickles is right.
She took everything but this doll.
You broke up my home, asshole.
I'm gonna fuck you up so bad, Pickles.
- 嗨 - 嘿 朋友
- Hi. - Hey, pal.
I think I left my passport here.
Finally going on vacation, huh?
I have to bury a Filipino Pickle.
Well, that's, um...
I'm glad you're here.
Would you ever coinvest in a breedable affenpinscher?
They are reliable show dogs,
忠诚 好奇 以能够取悦人闻名
loyal, curious, famously amusing.