开玩笑第二季第六集

Kidding S02E06

Part4

2020年6月1日 15:53

disappear.
不行
No!
别这样不行
No, no! No!
太有失体面了
Inappropriate.
不行不能喝酒
No. No drinking.
下面的小心点
Look out below!
不好意思
Pardonnez-moi.
花生不能上太空迪尔德丽
Peanuts do not go to space, Deirdre.
它们是豆类
They are legumes.
是的还有吉他手盖瑞
Oi, and Guitar Gary
将永远不会拥有无限的快乐
will never possess the boundless joy
和尤克里里拉里的粗犷机智
nor the rough-and-tumble wit of Ukulele Larry.
我们必须适应局势
We had to adapt.
考虑到全球产品生产计划的
There was not a lot we could do,
时间限制
given the time constraints
我们也没办法啊
of a global production schedule.
这是婚前协议
Is called a prenup.
这不是火箭科学
It is not rocket science.
就算它是的话
And if it was rocket science,
它也不能让一个豆科植物来完成
it would not be performed by a legume!
豆科植物可以完成各种任务
Legumes can perform all sorts of tasks!
如果你能多完成几个任务
Maybe if you had performed a few more tasks,
你丈夫就不会离开你了
your husband would not have left you.
这是胶水吗
Is this glue?
你开始分泌胶水了吗
Are you gluing again?
这是防晒霜
It's sunscreen.
所以谣言是真的
So the rumors are true.
她能分泌胶水
She glues.
我们是长颈鹿
We are a giraffe!
去你们的
Fuck all of you!
去你♥妈♥的♥
Fuck you!
这是防水的吗
Is this waterproof?
我不清楚
Uh, I don't know.
这是个好问题
That's a good question.
我看看
Let me see.
还有别的吗
Anything else?
不要啊
No.
你真可爱
You're very cute.
谢谢
Thank you.
我也觉得你很有魅力
I find you attractive as well.
你弟弟的事我很抱歉
I'm sorry to hear about what happened to your brother.
我们关系很好我很想他
We were close. I miss him.
他会用他的小鸡鸡来扮马
He could puppet a horse with his genitals.
也许有一天
Maybe, uh, one day you, too,
你也可以用你的小鸡鸡来扮马
could puppet a horse with your genitals.
不我不会的
No, not me.
我本不想要这份工作的
I didn't even want this job.
但是日本的腌黄瓜规则吧
But the Japanese Pickle Code
是拜占庭式的义务制度
is a byzantine web of obligation.
如果一个腌黄瓜先生失踪了
If a Pickles-san goes missing,
他的近亲必须接替他的位置
the next of kin must assume the role.
他们把我从床上拽起来给我系上了领带
They dragged me out of bed and put the tie on me!
所有的腌黄瓜先生都必须发誓保持贞洁
Is it true that all Pickles-sans
这是真的吗
have to take a vow of chastity?
我发誓要保持贞洁
I took a vow of chastity?
你知道吗我第一次乘这种规模的船舰的时候
You know, my first time in a vessel like this,
我们在西贡海岸救了两千个孩子
we rescued 2,000 children off the coast of Saigon.
是个海军啊
Ooh. A navy man.
我是萨巴斯蒂安·皮奇瑞罗
Sebastiano Piccirillo.
我知道我们见过
I know we've met,
但我非常期待在你的美背上书写我的大名
but I like to watch my name travel up a woman's spine.
不好意思我们刚刚在调情哎
I'm sorry, but we were having a flirtatious conversation.
我这双手曾经把一架直升机推入了海中
These hands once pushed a helicopter into the sea.
想象它们用在你身上会有什么样的魔力
Imagine what they can do to a female body.
我叫腌黄瓜先生
My name is Pickles-san.
你摸了我弟弟的鸡鸡
You touched my brother's penis.
准备好受死吧
Prepare to die.
他没有同意你这么做
He did not give you consent!
是他想要这样的
He wanted it!
他们什么时候结婚
When are they getting married?
我不知道我不知道
I don't know. I don't know.
所以你和妈妈还有机会重归于好吗
So there's a chance you and mom can still work things out?
不我们从没这么打算过
No, that was never part of the plan.
可你们俩还爱着对方啊
You two still love each other.
我已经签了离婚协议书了
I signed the papers.
它们只是一堆纸而已
Those are just papers.
如果她嫁给别人那就真的完了
If she marries someone else, it's really over.
我们之间早就结束了
It's really been over for a while.
那是因为你还不够努力
Because you didn't try hard enough.
你本应该把她争取回来的
You should have been trying to win her back.
你本应该努力让我们一家人整整齐齐的
You should have been trying to keep this family together.
我试过了
I tried.
我不想你只是试试
I don't want you to try.
我要你做出斗争
I want you to fight!
再用你的车撞他一遍不就行了
Hit him with your car again.
不行这是不对的
No, you don't want that.
你离我远点
Get away from me!
威尔
Will!
- 本来一切都可以挽回的 - 威尔
- It was all working! - Will.
今天之前一切本都可以挽回
Until today, it was all working.
威尔
Will.
你强♥奸♥了我弟弟
You raped my brother!
他是个好人
He was a good man!
他没有同意你摸他
He did not give you consent!
爸爸
Dad.
- 爸爸你在里面吗 - 回答我
- Dad, are you in there? - Answer me.
- 爸爸 - 你是不是社会黑大姐
- Dad! - Are you the Yakuza?
你说话啊
Answer me!
你是不是社会黑大姐
Are you the Yakuza?
斯莫尔加斯·古尔卡
Smorgas Gurka?
傻屌♥破船
Sucky-sucky boat-boat.
怎么了
What's wrong?
她强♥奸♥了我弟弟毁了我的人生
She raped my brother and ruined my life.
你刚说什么
What did you say?
没什么
Nothing.
扔
Pull!
离我远点
Get away from me.
- 别这样 - 凶手
- No, please! - Murderer!
凶手凶手
Murderer! Murderer!
凶手凶手
Murderer! Murderer!
凶手凶手凶手
Murderer! Murderer! Murderer!
凶手凶手
Murderer! Murderer!
凶手凶手凶手
Murderer! Murderer! Murderer!
凶手凶手
Murderer! Murderer!
凶手凶手凶手
Murderer! Murderer! Murderer!
是你毁了魔法
You killed the magic!
菲律宾马尼拉
离婚是最好的选择吗
这位是爆♥炸♥坚果
她是我们的老朋友天文学家的表亲
除了她是个环游宇宙的花生这一点
哔哔哔哔
趴下
趴下
趴下
趴下
我说了趴下
拜托了住手你们为什么要这样
离婚才不是最好的选择
是违法的选择
底下见咯
1777反向抵押贷款
数学之王
数学神秘主义与宇宙
妈妈
你在哪
大海中♥央♥
底下见
底下见
底下见
你不是说这是个生日派对吗
作者特里尔 T.C.
书名数学之神
我们得把它沉到海里才行
在那个腌黄瓜桶被冲到澳大利亚的海滩上