开玩笑第二季第八集

Kidding S02E08

Part2

2020年6月1日 15:53

and he is your Pancake.
魔法消失了
The magic is gone.
一切都被颠覆了爷爷
Everything is upside down, Grandpa,
原本我们已经回到了过去
because, see, we were going back in time,
当时魔法真的起作用了
and it was really working...
停停停停
Stop, stop, stop, stop.
你现在不说一天之后能憋死吗
Do you foresee your own death within the next 3 to 24 hours?
- 不能 - 那就好我忙着呢
- No. - Good, I'm busy.
爷爷
Grandpa!
威尔有时候你脑子里构想的情况
Will, sometimes the things in your head
并不是发生在现实中的真实情况
are different from what they really are.
现实就是这么残酷孩子
That's how reality works, kid.
但我...
But I...
约瑟普是我杰夫
Josip? It's me, Jeff.
别睡了约瑟普
Wake up, Josip.
今天是你崭新余生的第一天
Today is the first day of the rest of your life.
你和我将要展开一场新的旅程
You and I are about to embark on a quest,
一起环游世界
a journey around the world to find
寻找二十三个心怀慈悲品质高尚的灵魂
23 caring and virtuous souls
来建立酸果家族
to build a family of Pickles...
他们有着最高的道德水准
men and women of the highest moral caliber
力图把自己的一生奉献给孩子们
who will devote their lives to children.
你将成为我们寻找的第一个灵魂
And we're gonna start with you, Gospodin Kiseli Krastavac.
酸果先生
你愿意成为第一任塞尔维亚酸果先生吗
Will you be the first Serbian pickles?
杰夫这将是我一生中最大的荣耀
Jeff, it would be the honor of my life.
喂
Hello?
约瑟普
Josip?
怎么回事
What the heck?
喂
Hello?
我知道你住在哪儿混♥蛋♥
I know where you live, motherfucker.
我问爸爸为什么我有红头发而他没有
I asked my dad why I have red hair and he doesn't.
他说这是上帝给我的
He said God gave it to me.
酸果先生说上帝是不存在的
Mr. Pickles says God doesn't exist.
- 真的吗 - 对都是杜撰的
- He doesn't? - No, he's a construct.
什么是杜撰
What's a construct?
我也不知道但是我跟我妈妈说了
I don't know, but I told my mom,
现在我就不用去参加我妹妹洗礼了
and I get to skip my sister's christening.
艾莉亚丹妮
Arya, Dani.
我觉得酸果先生说的意思是
I think what Mr. Pickles meant by that was,
上帝对于每个人有不一样的存在方式
God exists differently for everyone.
我不这么觉得
Hmm, I don't think so.
酸果先生只是想要我们善待他人
Mr. Pickles just wants us to love each other:
善待彼此整个南本德市的人
you, me, the entire South Bend,
印第安纳州的人以及酸果小队的成员
Indiana, chapter of the Pickles Platoon.
有时他会有点跑题
Sometimes he goes a little off topic.
不要管那些跑题的东西
Just ignore that stuff.
我就喜欢听他跑题
I like when he says that stuff.
这就是关于谨慎言行血淋淋的教训
The bigger lesson then is that our words have consequences.
- 画得不错都画完了吗 - 是的
- Well, great painting. Y'all done? - Yeah.
完了
Yep.
你们现在是我的家人了
You are my family now,
我会守护你们的
and I'm here to protect you.
人人都需要一个新座驾
Everyone needs a new ride.
这里确实很像宇宙飞船航♥天♥水獭
It is like a spaceship, Astronotter,
只不过价格更实惠
only more affordable.
航♥天♥水獭应该坐在火箭里
Astronotter belongs on a rocket.
详情请咨♥询♥当地经销商全新奔驰S系
Ask your local dealer about the new Mercedes S-Class.
而且她也不会说话
And she doesn't fucking talk!
你在找什么
What are you looking for?
一些好的公♥关♥资料
Some good PR.
我们要提醒这个国家
We need to remind this country
我们的节目是国家的珍宝
that our show is a national treasure,
不是只能招来争议
not some lightning rod
和菲律宾死鬼
for controversy and dead Filipinos.
需要我帮忙吗
Can I help?
你能找到1997年国家航♥天♥局写给我父亲的信吗
Can you find a letter NASA wrote to my father in 1997?
应该被归在贵宾通信里了
It would be under the VIP correspondence.
我建立了一个分类系统
I have a system.
他们当时想把航♥天♥水獭送到空间站去
They wanted to send Astronotter to the space station,
为了让孩子对科学感兴趣
you know, get kids interested in science,
但是我爸拒绝了
but Dad said no.
为什么
How come?
因为如果航♥天♥器像挑战者号♥一样爆♥炸♥了
Because if the shuttle exploded like the Challenger,
我们就别无选择
then we wouldn't have a choice.
只能给最受欢迎的玩偶之一办葬礼了
We'd have to eulogize one of our most popular puppets.
玩偶的死亡最让人糟心了
Nothing worse than a dead puppet.
是这个吗
Is it this?
这句话我想说好久了
I have always wanted to say this...
你能给国家航♥天♥局打个电♥话♥吗
Could you get NASA on the phone?
可以
Yeah.
你又在盯着我看了
You're staring at me again.
你就像被蛰过一样
You're like a beesting,
你可以尽量把这句话想得色情些
and I mean that as salaciously as your heart will receive it.
为什么你的声音听起来
Why do I feel like the gravel in your voice
似乎在为多年来说过的错话而道歉
has spent years apologizing for the words it produces?
你上一次连做十二道意大利菜是什么时候
When was the last time you had 12 courses of Italian?
- 我不用你帮忙 - 不用吗
- I don't need your help. - Oh, no?
我最近一直在健身
I've been going to the gym.
那我再去开一瓶基安蒂红葡萄酒
Oh, I'll open another bottle of Chianti.
你星期二都忙什么了
What are you doing on Tuesday?
忙着不接你电♥话♥
Avoiding your phone calls.
如果我们带上三万现金
Why don't we take $30,000 in cash,
现在就出发去机场
go to the airport,
看看命运会带我们走到哪里你觉得如何
and see where the wind takes us, hmm?
# 曾经 #
# Once upon a time #
# 我拥有过一个女孩#
# I had a girl #
# 曾经 #
# Once upon a time #
# 我深知她的爱 #
# I knew her love #
# 我呆呆地看着她走远 #
# I've stood and watched her walk away #
# 只能不停祈求 #
# And all that I could do was pray#
# 祈求她不要离开 #
# And beg her not to go #
魔法消失了
The magic is gone.
一切都被颠覆了爷爷
Everything is upside down, Grandpa,
原本我们已经回到了过去
because, see, we were going back in time,
当时魔法真的起作用了
and it was really working...
停停停停
Stop, stop, stop, stop.
你现在不说一天之后能憋死吗
Do you foresee your own death within the next 3 to 24 hours?
- 不能 - 那就好我忙着呢
- No. - Good, I'm busy.
爷爷
Grandpa!
威尔有时候你脑子里构想的情况
Will, sometimes the things in your head
并不是发生在现实中的真实情况
are different from what they really are.
现实就是这么残酷孩子
That's how reality works, kid.
但我...
But I...
# 悲伤与我 #
# Sorrow and me #
# 我似乎奔跑着穿过门楣 #
# I feel like running through the door #
- 好了 - 来吧
- Now. - Now.
我们刚刚到哪了
Where were we?
# 看着他那样亲吻着她 #
# Sit and watch him kissing her like that #
# 曾经她也是那样爱着我 #
# Once upon a time, she loved me so #
# 曾经我任她离去 #
# Once upon a time, I let her go #
我等不及要把你介绍给我的家人了
I can't wait to tell my family about you.
# 除了悲伤我别无选择... #
# With the blues and there's nothing I can... #
你闻闻这是不是汽油
Does this smell like gasoline to you?
我们应该一起做一款威士忌
We should do a whiskey.
好啊
Let's do it.
起什么名字呢
What should we name it?
老友威士忌怎么样
How about Two Friends Whiskey
毕竟我们友谊在先
after our friendship?
或者叫酒窝威士忌因为我们脸上都有酒窝
Or Dimples Whiskey after the dimples in our faces.
昨晚我在床上和一位女士寻欢作乐
Last night, I was pleasuring a woman sexually.