开玩笑第一季第一集

Kidding S01E01.

Part2

2020年6月1日 16:01

"致德莱尔
"To Derrell.
对骚货好一些
Be nice to sluts.
丹尼·特雷霍"
Danny Trejo."
谢谢酸瓜先生
Thanks, Mr. P.
当我这么做时我总觉得我在打你
I always feel like I'm hitting you when I do that.
你没有
You're not.
我知道你可能是对的
I know you're probably right.
那感觉就像
It just feels like
我们都一起坐在那车上
we were all in that car together.
你和我和我们的所有朋友
You and me and all of our friends.
当你在说观众时别说朋友
Don't say friends when you mean viewers.
他们一直对我们很好
They've been pretty kind to us.
当人们对我很好时
When people are kind to me,
我喜欢把他们当成朋友
I like to think of them as friends.
你得明白些事
You need to understand something.
你有两种角色
There's two of you.
一个是酸瓜先生
There's Mr. Pickles,
1.12亿美金的
the $112-million licensing industry
寓教于乐玩具 DVD和书籍的授权产业
of edutaining toys, DVDs, and books
它保持着我们这个小小的慈善机构的运作
that keep the lights on in this little charity of ours.
另一个是杰夫
And then there's Jeff,
一位分居的丈夫和悲伤的父亲
a separated husband and grieving father
他需要在其心中找到一些平静
who needs to hammer out a few dents in his psyche.
相信我为了避免
And trust me, never the two
毁掉他们俩
should meet in order to prevent
这两个角色决不能发生冲突
the destruction of them both.
我希望你的能治愈
I want you to heal.
不过只是杰夫需要治愈
But Jeff needs to heal.
酸瓜先生很好
Mr. Pickles is fine.
你好小猪
Hello, Piglet.
你好
Hello.
摇摆抖动下有趣的小猪
Wiggle it and jiggle it, funny little Piglet.
这些要变坏了
These are gonna go bad.
你在这干什么
What are you doing here?
菲尔以前的团队成就了哥伦布经典
Phil's old team made the Columbo Classic.
有时我坐在看台上为他们摇旗呐喊
Sometimes I sit in the stands, blow some wind in their sails.
加油加油加油加油
Dig, dig, dig, dig, dig!
-你出局了 -安全上垒
- You're out! - Safe!
想加入吃点烤饼吗
Wanna join and get some hotcakes?
这听起来很忧伤
That sounds sad.
是吗
Does it?
而且我6点要参加红酒会
Besides, I have my wine club at six,
饿着肚子更有意思点
and it's more fun on an empty stomach.
-是威尔干的吗 -当我让他
- Did Will do that? - When I told him
别再偷我的银行卡时
to stop stealing my debit card.
也许他需要有人抓住他的肩膀
Maybe he needs someone to hold his shoulders.
也许他在说 "救命"
Maybe he's saying, "Help me."
我觉得他写了"贱♥货♥" 然后加了个词 "野牛"
I think he wrote "cunt" and then he added
来量化它的大小
the word "buffalo" to quantify its size.
你胸部上...是有个纹身吗
Is that a... tattoo on your breast?
是个小纹身
It's a small one.
觉得疼吗
Does it hurt?
它们很适合把痛苦发泄出来
They're really good at getting those off now.
已经纹了3个星期了
It's three weeks old.
饭前喝酒
Drinking wine before dinner.
然后干啥抽根长红吗
What's next, Pall Malls?
电池在烟雾报♥警♥器下晃荡着
Batteries dangling from the smoke detector
这样你就能喷一口烟了吗
so you can puff your Pall Malls?
你别得寸进尺
You can't keep pushing it down.
也许我该做些有益健康的事
Hmm, maybe I should do something healthy,
比如纹个纹身或者... 阴♥唇♥打个洞
like get a tattoo or... pierce my labia.
这些日子往事就这么涌现出来
One of these days, it's just gonna rush up to the surface.
要是我搬回来会有用吗
Would it help if I moved back in?
什么会有用
Would it help with what?
威尔是你吗
Will? Is that you?
你知道我冬天的衣服在哪吗
Do you know where my winter clothes are?
你要你冬天的衣服干什么
For what purpose do you need your winter clothes?
教堂有个衣服捐赠活动
There's a clothing drive at church.
我想把那些我不合身的衣服挑出来
I want to collect the ones that don't fit me as well
捐给穷♥人♥
and donate them to the indigent.
-有希望 -是的
- That's hopeful. - Yes.
它们在车♥库♥的自行车上面可充气的耶稣诞生像
They're in a box in the garage above the bicycles
下面的一个盒子里
below the inflatable nativity.
嘿你昨晚上柯南秀还不赖
Hey, you didn't suck on Conan last night.
-你上了柯南秀吗 -是的
- You were on Conan? - Yeah.
我爱柯南秀你没告诉过我
I love Conan. You didn't tell me.
我给你语♥音♥留言了
I left you a message.
我们不听那些了
We don't check those anymore.
噢狗狗需要溜溜
Oh, the dog needs to go out.
不不你没必要我...
No, no, you don't have to. I...
-我可以遛狗 -我来吧
- I can do it. - I got it!
嘿
Hey!
你想我吗很好
You miss me? Yeah.
你当然想啦
Course you do.
威尔
Will?
咋了老爸
Yes, Dad?
你袋子里装的什么
What do you have in the bag?
额... 蜜蜂
Uh... bees.
你要把蜜蜂装进你妈妈的后备箱吗
Were you gonna put bees in your mom's trunk?
你知道什么是管理吗威尔
Do you know what stewardship is, Will?
你和人说话总是得
Do you always have to talk to people
像和四岁儿童交谈一样吗
like they're four years old?
意思是你管理好东西人
It means you take care of things, people.
不是因为你应该这么做是因为你做得到
Not because you should but because you can.
看到了吧
See?
现在小猪猪不会弄脏草地了
Now Piglet won't stain the lawn.
好孩子小猪猪
Good boy, Piglet.
这里都没人住
No one even lives here.
这么做是对的所以你才这么做
You do it because it's right.
是吗
Uh-huh.
你想试试吗会让你高兴起来哦
You want to try it? It'll make you happy.
嘿酸瓜先生
Hey there, Mr. Pickles.
看到了吧这里还有名人邻居呢
See? It even has famous neighbors.
嗨乔安
Hi, Joanne.
这难道不是个
Isn't this a nice neighborhood
养儿育女的好地方吗酸瓜先生
to raise a family, Mr. Pickles?
这里真真是极好的
Oh, it's a super-duper neighborhood for that.
谢谢你
Thank you.
你叫什么名字呀
And what's your name?
等会儿让我猜猜
Wait, let me guess.
是"公主"开头的吗
Does it start with "Princess"?
这些房♥子建在一座被烧毁的动物园废墟上
These houses were built on an old zoo that burned down.
火灾的罪魁祸首是一群发了疯
The fire was started by a bunch of the crazy animals
想逃跑的动物
who wanted to escape.
它们发狂了犯下很多罪行
They went wild, committed a bunch of crimes,
谋杀抢掠
murders, robberies.
但它们犯下最重的罪行是
But the worst crime of all was,
忘了把笼子打开
they forgot to unlock the cage,
所以一入夜你总能听到企鹅凄厉的惨叫
and at night, you can always hear the penguins screaming.
好吧行吧谢了伙计们
Okay, well, thanks, guys.
嘿咱们再转回去怎么样
Hey, why don't we cruise around back?
那边有个秋千你家孩子肯定会喜欢
There's a swing set back there you kids would love.
那些被烧死的企鹅怎么样了
What about the burnt penguins?
-怎么了 -你觉得
- What? - Do you think
我该要一间离家近的公♥寓♥吗
I should get an apartment closer to the house?
别吧
Mm, no.
听我说
Look.
你妈和我...
Your mom and I...
她整理情绪的时候
She doesn't want me living in the house
不想要我住在家里
while she's processing her emotions,