开玩笑第一季第二集

Kidding S01E02

Part1

2020年6月1日 16:01

"逗我玩" 前情提要...
Previously on Kidding...
我想做一♥期♥和死亡有关的节目
I want do a show about death.
我不认为你准备好谈这个了
I don't think you're ready to talk about that.
你在这干什么
What are you doing here?
她不是因为菲尔死了才离开你的
She did not leave you because Phil died.
她离开你是因为你是个孬种
She left you because you're a pussy.
你觉得我该找一间
Do you think I should get an apartment
离家近的公♥寓♥吗
closer to the house?
-P猎狗 -对
- P-Hound. - Yeah.
P代表什么
What does the P stand for?
杰夫需要治愈酸瓜先生很好
Jeff needs to heal. Mr. Pickles is fine.
你怎么考虑的
So what do you think?
完美
It's perfect.
乌克拉里...
Uke-Larry...
不不不不不
No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
你有没有什么都不想做的时候
Did you ever feel like there's nothing to do?
闷·拉·悲悲现在就这种感觉什么都不想做
Well,that's how Ennui Le Triste is feeling right now.
我们去酸瓜桶瀑布
Let's take a trip to Pickle Barrel Falls
看看有没有什么能帮得上忙的
and see if we can help.
瀑布下面见
See you at the bottom.
早上好闷闷
Bonjour, Ennui!
小暴点和平常一样吗
Crusty, as usual.
无聊无聊无聊
Bored, bored, bored!
-我什么都... -他们会笑我的
- Everything that I... - They're gonna laugh at me.
我什么都做过了
I've already done before.
如果他们嘲笑你的话...
Well, if they laugh at you...
那我就狠狠修理他们一顿
they're gonna get a real kick out of me.
我觉得我们能想起来点有趣的事
I'm sure we can think of something.
想想家里你的玩具
I mean, just think of all the toys you have at home.
你怎么从电视里跑出来了
How did you get out of the television?
其实从电视里跑出来并不难
Actually, the hard part isn't getting out.
难的是跑回电视里
It's getting back in.
想摸摸我的头吗
You want to touch my head?
你还真敢
Dare you.
好吓人
Eww, creepy!
我可以摸摸你的吗
Can I touch yours?
让我看看你的
Let me see yours.
伙计太棒了
Oh, dude, that's so cool!
那块的头发都没了
You got a fade going.
真整齐
That's really neat.
在走廊里站着的是我在这世上最好的朋友
That's my best friend in the whole world in the doorway.
她看到我是不是很激动
Does she look excited to see me?
不是
No.
我不想你紧张不过告诉你
Hey. I don't want you to be nervous,
明天会有很多果冻
but tomorrow, there's gonna be a lot of Jell-O.
我希望你能应付得过来
I hope you can handle it.
妈妈
Mom,
我觉得酸瓜先生也有脑癌
I think Mr. Pickles has brain cancer too.
你生命中的那个男人不是我的话那是谁
Who's the man in your life that isn't me?
你头发怎么了
What happened to your hair?
你们在一起多久了
How long have you been seeing him?
我们在一起几个月了
We've been together a couple months.
-还比较随便 -我觉得威尔
- It's casual. - I think Will
每周可以在我这里多待一晚上
should stay at my house one more night a week.
我觉得一周一次就够了
I think one night a week is working.
我希望我们能认真做个好决定不是随便的决定
I want healthy decisions for us, not casual ones.
就这样让一个男人进我们家
It's very soon to let a man into our home,
进菲尔家... 威尔家太快了
into Phil's home... Will's home.
说实话你能来这
Actually, it's good that you're here,
跟我谈设定界限的事我觉得挺好的
to have a conversation about setting boundaries.
你是说保持距离吗
You mean distance?
我知道P猎狗的P是什么意思了
I found out what the P in P-Hound stands for.
每次我看到字母P
Now every time I see the letter P,
我总想到"孬种" 然后我一直忘不掉这词
I think of the word "pussy," and it haunts my head.
我以前叫菲尔 "我的小P块"
I used to call Phil "my little P-nugget,"
现在我听到的是"孬种块"
and now I hear "pussy-nugget,"
我就再也不想在我的白日梦里那么叫他了
and I can't call him that in my daydreams anymore.
你也可以设置界限
You can set boundaries too.
就像我们共有的支票账户
Like our shared checking account.
我想问你我能不能买♥♥辆新车
I'm gonna ask you if I can buy a new car,
-然后你会说不能 -你为什么要买♥♥辆新车
- and you can say no. - Why do you need a new car?
我不想开那种连保险公♥司♥
I'd like to not drive the same model minivan
都不肯上保险的面包车
the insurance company coughed up,
而且我不想再假装
and I'm done pretending that there isn't money
自己没钱花了
to spend on myself.
只要你和威尔舒服
You should get whatever
你买♥♥什么都行
makes you and Will comfortable.
谢谢谢谢
Thanks. Thank you.
也许我待会儿再来
Maybe I'll come over later,
见见你的男朋友
meet your new guy.
我做些酸奶油蓝莓派
I'll make one of those sour cream-blueberry pies
你很喜欢吃的
that I make that you like.
-不要 -无论如何...
- No! - Anyway...
祝你不后悔自己的新决定
Good luck with all your new decisions.
你真的为了那个小孩剃了自己的头发吗
Did you really shave your head for that kid?
不是蠢瓜
No, silly.
怎么问一个人他是不是同性恋
Is there a way to tell if, you know, somebody's gay?
-当然有了 -怎么说
- Course you can. - How?
你直接问就好了我是说
You just ask them. I mean,
我会先说你好
I would say hello first.
让他们的生活天翻地覆
Turn them upside down.
如果他们抱着蜷缩成一团那就是同性恋
If they curl up into a ball, they're gay.
大家好
Hi, everybody.
操
Fuck.
发... 发生什么了
What... what's happening?
我搞不懂了
I'm confused.
你去哪了这么多蜜蜂
W-where were you that there were so many bees?
能让我俩单独聊聊吗德莱尔
Can you give us a second, Derrell?
我的天
Oh, my God.
你的脸怎么了
What happened to your face?
你怎么了
What happened to yourself?
我想我们可以做一季
I thought we could make this a season
关于东西不见了的节目比如头发
about things that are missing, like hair.
我们可以传递这想法
We can impart the idea that change
改变是件好事是可以的
is a good thing. It's okay.
我们是谁比我们发生了什么
Who we are is so much greater
重要得多
than what happens to us.
在最后的节目中
And for the last show,
我们播放现成的死亡剧集
we take the death episode off the shelf,
然后我们将它直播并说 "这事发生过
and we air it, and we say, "This happened!
而我依旧是我"
And I'm still me."
你看起来像是要爬上德克萨斯商业城
You look like you are about to climb a Texas tower
-向人们扫射 -别这么说
- and shoot people. - Don't say that.
你看着像李·哈维·奥斯瓦尔德[刺杀肯尼迪的凶手]
You look like Lee Harvey Oswald's
有创意的小♥弟♥弟♥
creative younger brother.
你看着像小丑版的枪手
You look like Shooty the Clown.
我是穿着泳裤的教皇
I am the Pope in a Speedo.
我是没了夹心的奥利奥饼干
I am the Oreo cookie without its creamy center,
不过如果你用我蘸牛奶我依旧很好吃
but if you dip me in milk, I'm still a mouthful of yummy.
地区电视台打乱顺序播放我们的节目
The affiliate stations air us out of order.
你难道不觉得小孩们会觉得有些困惑吗
Don't you think it's gonna be just a little confusing
前一天酸瓜先生杰夫还长了头发
for the children when one day, Jeff Pickles has hair,
第二天他就在头上
and the next day, he's paved a sidewalk
推了一道人行道一样的光头
down the center of his head?
我不在乎
I don't care.
他们可以打乱顺序播放
They can air it out of order.
公共广播公♥司♥会产生
PBS is gonna get the impression
你精神不稳的印象
that you are mentally unfortified.
请别让我和整个节目组陷入
Please, don't put me in this position
这样的境地
with the network.