开玩笑第一季第二集

Kidding S01E02

Part3

2020年6月1日 16:01

只要他不开始把他的工作
As long as he doesn't start bringing his work
带回家就好很多麻醉师都这么做
home with him. A lot of them do that.
给我讲讲别的事情吧
Tell me another thing.
头发看起来不错
It looks good.
我觉得除了我没有人会看得出来
I don't think anyone will know but me.
我本来带了一个派的
I had a pie.
进来吧
Come on.
你是谁
Who are you?
-杰夫... -你能说得更具体点吗
- Jeff... - Could you be more specific?
这房♥子里住着一家人
A family lives in this house.
这不是一个... 问题
That wasn't a... question.
我们还是专注于基础的问题吧
Maybe let's stick to the basics.
你鞋子上是沾了派吗
Is that pie on your shoe?
好吧我不想让他觉得他不能问我问题
Well, I don't want him to feel like he can't ask me things.
你以前结过婚吗彼得
Have you been married before, Peter?
杰夫让他好好吃吧
Jeff, let him eat.
彼得彼得爱吃南瓜
Peter, Peter, pumpkin eater.
有个妻子留不住她
Had a wife, couldn't keep her.
对吧诗里不就是这样写的吗
Right? Isn't that how it goes?
把她放进南瓜壳
Put her in a pumpkin shell,
这样就能好好留住她
and there he kept her very well.
这首诗里的男人并不值得赞颂
The man in that poem is not a candidate for glory.
这是首关于虐待的诗
It's a rhyme about abuse.
我不知道诗的其他几句
I didn't know the rest of it.
再娶妻子并不爱她
Had another, didn't love her.
这是下一句
That's the next line.
不我不觉得...
No, I don't think that...
这怎么会是个睡前故事
How is that a bedtime story?
国王约翰有个他不喜欢的朋友
King John had a friend he didn't like,
于是他劫走了朋友的妻子
and so he took that man's wife
用砖头把她封在一个房♥间里
and he sealed her in a room with bricks
直到她被饿死
until she starved to death.
在某些版本里老鼠吃了那个女人
In some versions, mice eat the woman,
不过反正都差不多的意思
but that's neither here nor there.
我妈曾经给我读过这个故事
My mother used to read that to me.
现在我很怀疑她的动机是什么
Now I question her motives.
儿童早期被忽视
Early childhood neglect
可能会导致有缺陷的成年人感情关系
can lead to dysfunctional adult relationships.
你的父母还在一起吗
Are your parents still together,
像吉尔和我一样
like Jill and I?
威尔你以后要... 每周和你♥爸♥爸
Will, you're gonna... spend an extra night a week
多待一个晚上
with your dad.
这是件好事
That's a good thing.
你好
Hey.
你抽这些会让你进棺材的烟
How long have you been sucking
多久了
on those coffin nails?
这个嘛实际上我一直想戒烟来着
Yeah, actually, I've been meaning to quit.
你有过什么恶习或者罪恶的享受吗
You ever had a vice or a guilty pleasure?
我不干抽烟或者偷♥情♥
Not like smoking, or adultery,
或者坑蒙拐骗这种事
or skulduggery,
但... 我会...
but... I have been known to...
喝一两口巧克力糖浆
take a sip or two of chocolate syrup,
直接从瓶子里
straight out of the bottle.
你的恶习是喝好时巧克力糖浆吗
Your vice is drinking Hershey's chocolate syrup?
不
No.
从来没有好时的优♥惠♥券
Never have a coupon for Hershey's.
是啊但我是说...
Yeah, but I mean...
你买♥♥得起名牌糖浆
You can afford name-brand syrup.
我买♥♥得起很多东西
I can afford a lot of things,
但我只用生活必要的钱
but I only spend what I need,
其它全部捐给更需要钱的人
and the rest goes to people who need it more.
对完全对每个月
Yeah. Totally. No, every month,
我会捐15块给全国公共广播电台
I give $15 to NPR.
他们给我印着"全国公共广播电台围裙"的围裙
They sent me an apron that says "NPR Apron."
我喜欢彼得这个名字
I like the name Peter.
是个好名字
It's a good name.
你知道吗
You know what?
我要叫你大P
I'm gonna call you Big P.
这样可以吗
Would that be okay?
你在逗我吗哦...
Are you kidding me? Oh...
酸瓜先生杰夫给我起了个昵称
Jeff Pickles just gave me a nickname.
天啊我感觉就像...
Oh, God. I feel like...
猫王给了我一个衣服上的小亮片我该怎么叫你
Elvis just gave me a sequin. What can I call you?
酸瓜先生杰夫
Jeff Pickles.
抱歉我以为你已经走了
Oh, sorry. I thought you had left.
晚安威尔
Good night, Will.
晚安大P
Good night, Big P.
我能问你点事吗
Can I ask you something?
当然可以什么事
Oh, yeah, man. What's up?
姑娘们喜欢什么味道的漱口水
What kind of mouthwash do girls like?
怎么了
What?
我爱你
I love you.
哦不
Oh, no!
宇航员水獭
Astron-Otter?
怎么了
What's wrong?
你很沮丧为什么
You're frustrated? About what?
她很沮丧
Oh, she's frustrated
因为她的飞船总是掉下来
because her rocket ship keeps falling over.
我觉得她的碰碰助推器不着火了
I think her bam-boosters are misfiring.
你知道我沮丧的时候怎么做吗
You know what I do when I'm frustrated?
我会做一个让自己冷静的深呼吸
I take a calm-me-down breath.
她可能需要另一次冷静的...
I think maybe she needs another calm...
行了停下
All right, stop.
你为什么一直这么做
Why do you keep doing that?
-停下 -停下什么
- Stop. - Stop what?
你一直叫宇航员水獭为她
You keep calling Astron-Otter a she.
上一次他还是公水獭呢
Last time I checked, he was a he-otter.
他以前是男的但现在是女的
He was a he. Now she's a she.
他是男的有20年了
He's been a he for 20 years.
你不能一觉醒来就换了他的性别
You don't just wake up one day and call him a she.
这不稀奇
It happens every day.
全世界的孩子都可能发生
It's happening to children all over the world.
这叫性别流动
It's called gender fluidity.
什么不
What? No.
他是男的
He's a he.
宇航员水獭是月球登陆器的传动轮
Astron-Otter's Lunar Lander Power Wheel.
宇航员水獭是
Astron-Otter's Moon
月球岩石太空堡垒
Rock Space Fortress.
宇航员水獭是沾上污垢的
Astron-Otter's My First Boxer Briefs
我的第一条四角内♥裤♥
with stain guard.
他是出♥售♥给男孩子的
He's a seven-figure line item
7位数单项产品
marketed to boys.
她没有可辨明性别的生殖器
She has no discernible genitalia.
我他妈的希望没有
I should fucking hope not.
我们该传递的重要之事是
What an important thing to impart,
宇航员水獭可以一夜之间改变
that Astron-Otter could change overnight
但还是同一只水獭
and still be the same otter.
这主意不错
It's not a terrible idea.
没人问你谢乐尔
Nobody asked you, Sheryl.
宇航员水獭是男孩
Astron-Otter is a boy.
宇航员水獭是个谎言
Astron-Otter is a lie.
我们得小心对待杰夫
Let's tread very carefully here, Jeff.
你可是要加上一个很贵的阴♥道♥
That's an expensive vagina you're adding.
这可是价值4百万美元的水獭
That is a $4 million otter twat.
能用好听字眼的时候别用难听的字眼
Please don't use a bad word when you can use a good word.
这不是你能决定的事
These are not the decisions you make.
宇航员水獭是男性
Astron-Otter is a male.
不老爸
No, Dad.
她不是
She's not.
也许你该清醒一点
Maybe it's time for you to wake up