开玩笑第一季第三集

Kidding S01E03

Part3

2020年6月1日 16:01

在马特洪峰顶是什么样子的
So what's it look like from atop the Matterhorn?
很孤独
You know, it's lonely.
非常孤独但不是...
It's really lonely. But... but not...
-不是坏的孤独 -酸瓜先生
- not, like, bad lonely. - Mr. Pickles!
比如说我是独自一人
Like, I'm alone,
不过跟最好的朋友在一起
but with my best friend.
我喜欢...
Uh, I like to, uh...
我喜欢把自己想象成别人
I like to imagine I'm somebody else.
我经常这么做
I do that a lot.
看动作片的时候我会把自己脑补成电影人物
I watch action movies, picture myself in them.
把自己想象成自己的另一面特别有趣
It's fun to imagine yourself as your opposite.
或者全新的人
Or someone new, anyway.
你知道你的... 你的大脑有这些愉快的经历对吧
You know, your... your brain has all these grooves, right?
-对啊 -这些东西存在是因为
- Mm-hmm. - And they're there because
你想象出了它们
you made them with your thoughts,
但是如果你停止这些想象
but if you stop thinking those thoughts
开始想新的东西
and start thinking new thoughts,
那你就会有新的愉快经历
then you get new grooves.
这叫做"神经可塑性"
It's called neuroplasticity.
这词念起来挺滑稽
That's a fun word to say.
神经可塑性
Neuroplasticity.
让你的嘴巴开开合合
Makes your mouth into a bouncy house.
神经可塑性对是有点
Neuroplasticity. Yeah, it kind of does.
-抱歉 -没事
- Sorry. - All good.
秘密厨师在你的饭里藏了什么
What did the Secret Chef hide in your meal?
-我这里有青豆 -秋葵
- I got green beans. - Okra.
萝卜萝卜是啥玩意儿
Daikon. What the hell is daikon?
你是打算就在那站会儿
Are you just gonna stand there,
还是说我终于能教你做饭了
or can I finally teach you to cook?
你不能那么逼迫杰夫
You need to go easier on Jeff.
他不像你他很敏感
He's not like you. He feels everything.
你想现在谈吗好吧
You want to have this talk now? Okay,
因为我也担心担心得不得了
because I worry, too. I worry a lot.
麦蒂怎么回事
What's wrong with Maddy?
她惊声尖叫的毛病犯了
She's got a case of the screams.
无视她就行了
Just ignore her.
闭嘴
Shut up!
给你
Here.
按播放键
Press play.
费玛塔艺术大♥师♥
Maestro Fermata buries
将他血脉膨胀的大屌♥
his choir of pulsing dicks
塞进了秘密厨师妹妹的身体
deep inside Secret Chef's sister.
从她的体内他们耳语道...
From inside her, they whisper...
♪ 今天的秘密材料 ♪
♪ Today's hidden ingredient ♪
极乐
Ecstasy!
他叫约瑟普·波特科维奇
His name is Josip Butkovic.
他是个克罗地亚配音演员
He's some Croatian voice actor.
他给很多基于玩偶的情♥色♥作品配过音
He does lots of puppet-based erotica.
这是个充满商机的市场不过他走投无路了
It's a niche market, but he's cornered it.
你到底什么毛病
What the fuck is wrong with you?
不只是约瑟普
It's not just Josip.
原来外面有不少的人
Turns out there are dozens of other guys out there
能扮演完美的杰夫
who do a perfect Jeff.
杰夫才是完美的杰夫
Jeff is the perfect Jeff.
听着
Look.
自打菲尔过世后
Ever since Phil passed away,
我一直在为我们
I have been preparing for a day
可能失去杰夫的那一天做准备
when we might lose Jeff, too,
我们要在没有酸瓜先生的情况下
when we have to continue Mr. Pickles' Puppet Time
把"酸瓜先生的木偶时间"做下去
without Mr. Pickles.
你要放弃他了
You're giving up on him.
-我们要把他动画化 -是吗
- We're gonna animate him. - Mm.
这是唯一的办法你知道的
It's the only way, and you know it.
我不想这么做
I don't want to,
我们可以不这样做
and we don't have to start there,
但是迪迪听我说你好好想想
but Dee Dee, listen to me. Think about it.
他会做我们需要他做的任何事
He'll do whatever we need him to do.
他会说我们需要他说的任何话
He'll say whatever we need him to say.
一个不会剃头的杰夫
A Jeff that doesn't shave his head,
一个不会变的杰夫
a Jeff that doesn't change,
一个永远不会死的杰夫
a Jeff that never dies.
无穷尽的杰夫
Infinite Jeff.
你♥他♥妈♥在胡说什么
What the fuck are you talking about?
这个秀是他拥有的一切
This show is all he has.
你把它夺走的话他会...
You take it away from him, he's gonna...
在腰带上绑上炸♥药♥ 把自己炸成碎片
strap C-4 onto his belt and blow up an IHOP.
杰夫不会回来的
Jeff's not coming back.
他已经死了
He's already gone.
他死在了一辆
He died in a car
他根本没坐进去的车里
he wasn't even in.
这样做对他才是最好的
This is what's best for him.
上帝牺牲了他唯一的亲生儿子
God sacrificed his only begotten son,
但是他们因此写出了"圣经"
but they got the Bible out of it,
那本书自1624年起就是"时代"的
and that thing has been a Times bestseller
畅销书
since 1624.
杰夫会希望即使没有他也能继续传播他的福音
Jeff would want his gospel to continue without him.
他会想让这场秀即使没有他也能继续下去
He'd want his show to continue without him.
他还在
He's still here.
你觉得如果他是个夹在海绵宝宝内♥裤♥和
What do you think he's gonna do when he's a cartoon
内♥裤♥宝宝海绵之间的卡♥通♥人物
sandwiched between Spongebob Dickpants
他会怎么做呢
and Dickbob Spongepants?
我们快无法控制他了
We are losing control of him.
我们需要他的可控版本
We need versions of him we can control,
就像玩偶一样
like the doll.
什么玩偶
What doll?
麦蒂
Maddy,
你喜欢会说话的玩偶吗
do you like talking dolls?
自从"折磨人的艾蒙"以来
ToyCo has been begging us
玩具公♥司♥一直求我们
for a talking Jeff doll
做一个会说话的杰夫娃娃
ever since molest-me Elmo.
今年我们终于能给他们了
This year, we're finally gonna give it to them.
我们说的是当季最火的圣诞节礼物
We're talking the hottest Christmas gift of the season.
把小腿肉放进砂锅里
Introduce the shanks to the casserole.
把小腿肉放进砂锅里
Introduce the shanks to the casserole.
当杰夫看到孩子们有多喜欢这个会说话的娃娃时
When Jeff sees how much the kids love the talking doll,
他甚至不会记得他对白雪溜冰团
he won't even remember how pissed he got
有多生气
at the Ice Capades.
别做白雪溜冰团
Don't do an Ice Capades.
冰上的酸瓜
Pickles On Ice!
塔拉·利平斯基[美国花滑冠军]
Starring Tara Lipinski
扮演冰上的... 杰夫·酸瓜
as Jeff Pickles... on ice.
花样滑冰运动员吗
The figure skater?
正确
Correct.
我们做现场秀
We do a live show,
我们把塔拉扮成杰夫
we dress Tara up as Jeff,
有酸瓜先生的大头
with a big Mr. Pickles head
和可爱的毛绒领带
and a cute fuzzy tie.
是个娃娃不过很大
It's a doll, but it's big.
或者我们...
Or, we...
租一条独木舟带杰夫去钓鱼
rent a canoe and take Jeff fishing.
他喜欢湖泊
He likes lakes.
你会让他崩溃的
You're gonna break him.
他会让我们崩溃的
He's gonna break us.
所以我们要培育市场
That's why we have to train the market.
冰上的酸瓜娃娃
Ice Pickles, the doll,
卡♥通♥...
the cartoon...
天衣无缝的纵向合并
the seamless vertical integration
为了一个我们都爱的男人
of a man we both love.
拜托迪迪
Please, Dee Dee.
为我再造一个杰夫
Build me this other Jeff.