开玩笑第一季第三集

Kidding S01E03

Part4

2020年6月1日 16:01

别要求我那么做
Don't ask me to do that.
亲爱的
Honey,
除了你还能有谁呢
if not you, who?
我该拿她怎么办
What do I do about her?
迪迪相信我
Dee Dee, take it from me.
有时候你们这些孩子只是需要一个拥抱
Sometimes all your kids need is a hug.
好了
Voila.
不伙计像这样
No, dude, like this.
我不明白我们为什么要这么做
I don't get why we're doing this.
别这么消极啊哥们
Yo, curb the negativity, man.
消极心理会导致肠衰竭
Negativity leads to intestinal failure.
兄弟跟我说实话
Hey, dude, be real with me for a sec.
你♥爸♥爸在战争期间真的是个狙击手吗
Is it true your dad was a sniper during the wars?
我觉得不是
I don't think so.
因为网上说
'Cause the Internet says
他打死了三打伊♥斯♥兰♥教♥徒♥
that he aced, like, three dozen hajis.
里根称他是"贝鲁特屠夫"
Reagan called him "The Butcher of Beirut"
还给了他一枚秘密奖章
and gave him a secret medal.
你们看看
I mean, check it out.
我觉得如果我爸杀了
I think I would know if my dad
一群黎巴嫩人我会知道的
killed a bunch of Lebanese people.
你会吗
Would you?
我们来玩这个
Hey, let's get these.
你觉得你♥爸♥爸会杀了
Do you think your dad's gonna kill
你妈妈的新男友吗
your mom's new boyfriend?
不会
No.
那可不好
That wouldn't be nice.
我爸性格多变但他不粗鲁
My dad's a lot of things, but he isn't rude.
对啊谋杀很粗鲁
Yeah, murder is rude.
所以他是个... 混♥蛋♥吗
So, is... he a dick?
-谁彼得吗 -对
- Who, Peter? - Yeah.
不他挺好的
No, he's pretty cool.
当他看着我的时候
When he looks at me,
很... 很怪
it's... it's weird.
就像是...
It's like...
他... 他真的看到了我
he... he actually sees me.
而不是...
As opposed to...
我哥哥
My brother.
其他人... 我妈我爸
Everyone else... my mom, my dad,
我的老师... 他们看着我
my teachers... they look at me,
看到的是我们两个人
and I think they see both of us.
有时候我不想被看成是活死人
Sometimes it's nice not to feel like the living dead.
其他时候呢
What about the other times?
菲尔以前
Phil used to do all this
对其他孩子做过各种坏事
messed-up stuff to other kids,
然后他们就会来打我
and then they would come and beat me up.
-他们以为你是他 -太不幸了
- They thought I was him. - That's unfortunate.
我还有点想念
I sorta miss it.
走吧姬佬们
Let's go, lesbians.
我们还要走八个街区呢
We have eight more neighborhoods to hit.
他觉得我长得像女孩子
He thinks I look like a girl.
我喜欢你的头发
I like your hair.
-哦真的吗 -真的
- Oh, yeah? - Yeah.
如果你剪了我就再也不和你说话了
If you cut it, I'll never talk to you again.
麦蒂麦蒂
Maddy. Maddy!
麦蒂我们不会离婚的
Maddy, we're not getting divorced!
我不知道你为什么这么想
I don't know why you think that,
但我们不会离婚
but we're not.
好吗
Okay?
好
Okay.
还有你看到你♥爸♥做的那件事
And that thing you saw your dad do,
和法波波利斯先生的秘密握手
the secret handshake with Mr. Farpopolis?
别问他这事
Don't ask him about it.
永远都别问
Ever.
永不
Never.
看到了吗
See?
神经可塑性
Neuroplasticity.
多棒的填字游戏空格啊
What an exciting crossword diagonal that would make.
我今晚真的很愉快
I had a really nice time tonight.
结交新朋友总是很荣幸
It's always a privilege to meet a new friend,
如果能结交到一个超棒的朋友
and it's a special privilege when that new friend
那就是特别荣幸
is a remarkable person.
-所以你想上来... -你怎么...
- So do you want to come up... - How did you ever...
抱歉抱歉你先说
Sorry, sorry. You go.
你以前沉迷毒品
You used to have a moustache made of narcotics.
但你用美丽的笑容取代了它
But you replaced it with a beautiful smile.
我也想那样
I'd love to go on a journey like that.
我不知道怎样开始
I don't know how to start.
你从哪里得到的力量
Where'd you get your strength from?
抱歉我还以为那很明显
Sorry, I thought that was obvious.
是你
You.
我
Me.
所以... 你想上来吗
So... do you want to come up?
不我还是回去吧
No, I'd better get back.
好吧
Okay.
谢谢你谢娜
Thank you, Shaina.
谢谢你
Oh. Thank you.
你救了我
You saved me.
不我们不能进去
No, we can't go in there.
我们在做♥爱♥
We're having sex!
抱歉祝你们晚上愉快
Oh, sorry. Have a lovely evening.
亲爱的谢娜
Dear Shaina,
谢谢你的晚餐
thank you for dinner.
虽然我很喜欢我们的会面
Even though I enjoyed our conversation,
但我觉得我们不该继续约会了
I don't think we should see each other anymore.
"你救了我"
"You saved me."
这些年来我已经听了无数遍这种话了
Those are words I've heard so many times over the years,
以各种方式
in so many different ways.
我以前喜欢听这些话
I used to like hearing those words,
现在不再喜欢了
but I don't anymore.
拯救别人需要负很大的责任
It's a lot of responsibility to save people.
也许学习我不想知道的东西
Maybe learning what I don't want
是学习我做事的
is the first step on the climb
第一步
to learning what I do.
谢谢你教我这件事
Thank you for teaching me that.
峰会再见
See you at the summit.
天真的酸瓜先生
Fondly, Mr. P.
不
No.
杰夫
Jeff.
嘿你家有水吗
Hey, does your place have, like, water?
喝酒太容易口渴了
Alcohol can be so dehydrating.
给你
Here you are.
你为什么穿着宇航员水獭的衣服
Why are you inside a space otter?
我能有一只宇航员水獭吗
Can I have a space otter?
哈
Whoop!
我的手黏在一起了
My hands are sticky.
噢来我帮你
Oh, here, let me help you.
谢谢你
Thank you.
我怎么进来的
How did I get in here?
我把你抱进来的
I carried you.
你救了我
You rescued me.
好吧
Okay.
我我现在就得说
I-I need to say this now,
因为明天我就会觉得很尴尬
because tomorrow, it'll feel embarrassing.
但...
But...
只是和你住在同一条走廊里
just living on your same hallway
就很鼓舞人心了
is, like, so inspiring.
你让我想变得更好
Like, you make me want to be a better person
变成我妈想让我变成的人
like the kind of person my mom thinks I am.
这有什么好尴尬的
What's embarrassing about that?