Or sometimes, I'll,
blow really hard into a harmonica.
That's really good.
When I was Will's age, I'd go skating.
Skate it off.
Well, you're pretty good at it.
I'm no Olympian... yet.
Oh. Well, I don't think...
you want to tour meth country in an ice show.
No, but I don't like that he can make another me.
I like to feel necessary.
There's a really great quote
from the Y-Yajurveda.
It's a Hindu text. It'll solve all your problems.
"Punch your fucking father in the face."
Do you know how many people I've punched in the face
ever since I stopped caring about going to jail?
Three, including my oncologist.
Six dollars for a slice of pizza?
That's, like, a $30 meal.
Who comes in here that can afford that?
My boss says global warming
iced out the tomato crops this year, so...
- Can you hang on a sec? - Can you just please
stop yelling at me?
Whatever anybody wants
for the rest of the day is free.
Like, start a tab?
I don't... don't think I'm allowed to do that.
Sure you can.
Give this to yourself.
It feels wonderful.
Thank you, Mr. Pickles.
-谢了 哥们 -谢谢 酸瓜先生
- Thanks, dude. - Thanks, Mr. Pickles.
Saving the world.
Nah... feeding it.
I asked my parents to come up for a week after my next round.
They said it was too cold.
They live in Jersey.
this is a difficult time for them, too.
They're afraid to know a world without you.
No, they're upset that I went
with the recommendations of my doctors
and not something that my dad found on WebMD.
Sorry, your card's been declined.
I-it keeps giving me the code you get
when they place a hold on it due to suspicious activity.
Do you take Discover?
May I enter the residence?
Yeah, just wipe your feet.
Hi. You've reached Jill and Will.
And sometimes Peter.
Please leave a message after the tone.
Have you been using my debit card?
I don't think so.
You haven't used it to buy anything online
or anything like that?
A plumber was applying for a job in a building.
The building manager said, "Are you a good plumber?"
水管工说 "是 我是最好的水管工"
And the plumber said, "Yes, I'm the best plumber."
The building manager asked...
"Have you ever made a mistake?"
And the plumber said, "Never."
"Then how can I hire you?"...
the manager replied.
"If you make a mistake, you won't know how to fix it."
That doesn't make any sense.
Why would the plumber need to know how to fix a mistake
if his whole thing is that he never makes them?
-每个人都会犯错 -哦 所以 水管工撒谎了吗
- Everybody makes mistakes. - Oh, so the plumber was lying?
That's not what I'm saying.
好吧 如果他没撒谎 那挺不公平的
Well, if he isn't lying, then it seems pretty unfair
that he's getting passed up for a worse plumber
just because the manager has a fetish for fuckups.
- Will! - I didn't use your debit card.
Our words have power.
- If you're not careful... - Shut up!
Stop talking! Stop with the lessons!
We get it! You always know what to say!
Sometimes I don't want you to talk.
I want you to listen.
I'm your dad.
I'm always listening.
Poppy already sat me down
and told me everything you're probably gonna say any...
He what? When?
Yesterday, and it took him about five words
to say what takes you 100.
He's not me.
Peter's not me.
Tara Lipinski's not me.
Please don't send Poppy to kidnap me.
He's old, and he scares my friends.
I need to talk to him.
God damn it.
Hey, did you accidentally
text me a bunch of Js this morning?
You know, I'm always on your side,
no matter what, and I just...
I can't wait to meet Vivian. She seems really cool.
And, you know, they're always curing new stuff.
Do you think I have a heart?
Tear that little shit apart, Jeffrey!
Hi, I'm Jeff.
Hello, this is Citibank,
early fraud detection department.
A suspicious transaction in the amount
of $678.43 was charged to Bartleby's Shoes
on Sunday, October 14th.
Please press one to confirm you made this transaction.
On your way to archery, retard?
I know a place where we can light up.
- I thought you quit. - Whatever.
- Whose house is this? - Yeah.
My new invisible neighbor.
- It's empty? - Yeah.
No one moved in. It's just sitting here.
♪ 两个H 一个O ♪
♪ Two parts H, one part O ♪
♪ 不要对未知产生恐惧 ♪
♪ Don't be afraid of what you don't know ♪
♪ 它们就在这里 只是蒸汽与空气 ♪
♪ They're up there, it's just vapor and air ♪
美剧 | 开玩笑 | 导航列表