开玩笑第一季第七集

Kidding S01E07

Part4

2020年6月1日 16:02

"欢迎来到酸瓜桶瀑布
is "Welcome to Pickle Barrel Falls,
维瓦·遗失之页
Viva Lost Pages.
你新的永恒家园"
Your new forever home."
就... 给我点时间
Just... give me a second.
我能做到
I can do it.
我们没必要今天做
We don't have to do this today.
如果让你想起痛苦回忆
We don't have to keep Viva Lost Pages
我们就把这个放在一边
around if it's just gonna dredge up painful memories.
有个女人会活下去
A woman is gonna live.
简直就是奇迹
That's nothing short of spectacular.
我真的没什么借口过来
I don't really have an excuse to come in here,
不过... 反正你也不懂我
but... you can't understand me anyway,
除非我拿着木偶
unless I'm holding a puppet.
只是...
I just...
我给你讲个悲伤又肮脏的故事
May I tell you the sad and sordid tale
关于一个皇后被魔鬼囚禁在阴♥道♥里
of a queen enslaved by the demon locked in her vulva,
后来一个有铁鸡鸡的勇士...
and the warrior with a steel penis...
呼呼... 杀了魔鬼
Whoosh... Who destroyed this demon?
好请讲
Yes, please.
你有没有在遇见新朋友时
Have you ever met a new friend
感觉一见如故
that feels like an old friend?
这... 就是维瓦
This... is Viva.
新朋友维瓦
A new friend. And Viva,
这是无聊和延音大♥师♥
this is Ennui and Maestro Fermata,
你的新朋友
your new friends.
他们感觉就像老友
They'll probably feel like old friends.
你有介绍面包片的书吗
Do you have any books on tartines?
或者介绍莫扎特的
Or Mozart?
我好迷茫
I feel lost.
你不迷茫你到家了
You're not lost. You're home,
你能待在酸瓜桶瀑布
and you can stay in Pickle Barrel Falls
随你想待多久
for as long as you want.
-好了吗 -谢谢
- All done? - Thanks.
永远都可以吗
Forever?
那可是很久但是没错
That's a long time, but sure.
你可以永远待在这里
You get to stay forever.
伟大的勇士一路战斗
The great warrior fought his way
打败了一个又一个守卫终于到了
guard by guard until he made his way
皇后塔下
to the queen's tower.
单身就在她拥抱他之前...
But just before she could embrace him...
皇帝骑马赶到了
The king arrived on his horse.
等等你怎么...
Wait, how are you...
拜托别碰
Please, don't touch it.
年老的统治者解释道
The old ruler explained
城♥堡♥的大门一直打开着
the door to the castle had always been open,
是皇后自己封闭了自己
and it was the queen who had locked herself away.
-勇士去哪儿了 -回家
- Where's warrior going? - Home.
勇士明白了
The great warrior understood
这就是要为皇后斩杀的魔鬼
this was a demon for the queen to slay.
做其他事都是不忠
Anything else would be infidelity.
勇士和皇后
The warrior and the queen
永远不会在一起
are not meant to be.
你圣诞节还在这儿吗
Will you stay through Christmas?
什么鬼
What the actual fuck?
就... 继续剪吧
Just... keep editing
不想看的都剪掉
the stuff out that we don't want to see.
要到什么时候这节目有7分钟
Until when? The show is seven minutes long.
还是PBS的我们没办法
And it's PBS. It's not like we could
插点广♥告♥占用时间
pad it with commercial breaks.
直播的时候怎么办
And what happens when he goes live?
我们怎么阻止他
How do we stop him
玩这种疯狂的把戏
from puking his off-brand lunacy
毁掉他毁掉你
all over his shoes, and your shoes,
-毁掉我们 -别担心
- and our shoes? - Don't worry.
我们不会让那种事发生
We're not gonna let that happen.
那他今年就不主持了吗
Oh, so he's not gonna host it this year?
该死
Oh, fuck.
该死
Oh, fuck!
全国圣诞点灯仪式
The National Tree Lighting.
今年是CBS的了
I think it's on CBS this year.
会有一千万人观看吧
That'll be what, 10 million people watching?
十二月怎么这么快就到了
How did December get here so quickly?
这跟钱无关
It's not about the money.
从来就不是钱的问题格里高利
It's never been about the money, Gregory.
而是要做正确的事
It's about doing the right thing.
对30岁的女人来说 4万2可是一笔不小的债务
$42,000 is a lot of debt for a woman in her thirties.
她有医保能帮她
She has medical bills. This'll help her heal.
作为你的会计我只能给出
As your accountant, I can only recommend
负责任的财务建议
what's fiscally responsible.
或许我们只还清她的发现卡
Maybe we just pay off the Discover card.
全付了吧
Just pay it all, please.
她有你这样的朋友真幸运
She's lucky to have a friend like you.
我们都是
We all are.
再见
Good-bye.
♪ 当我感到忧郁 ♪
♪ When I'm feeling blue ♪
♪ 当我感到低落 ♪
♪ And when I'm feeling low ♪
♪ 我就会开始想 ♪
♪ Then I start to think about ♪
♪ 无忧无虑的人 ♪
♪ The happiest man I know ♪
♪ 他不在意风雪 ♪
♪ He doesn't mind the snow ♪
♪ 他不在意暴雨 ♪
♪ And he doesn't mind the rain ♪
♪ 年末就能听见 ♪
♪ But all December you will hear him ♪
♪ 他在窗口歌♥唱 ♪
♪ At your windowpane ♪
♪ 上帝保佑绅士 ♪
♪ God bless you gentlemen ♪
♪ 上帝保佑你 ♪
♪ God bless you ♪
♪ 如果你没有温顺的猫咪 ♪
♪ If you haven't got a friendly cat ♪
♪ 愿上帝保佑你 ♪
♪ May God bless you ♪
♪ 圣诞即将到来 ♪
♪ Christmas is a-coming ♪
♪ 苹果酒已经备好 ♪
♪ And the cider's in the keg ♪