开玩笑第一季第九集

Kidding S01E09

Part2

2020年6月1日 16:02

♪ 河水湍流不息 ♪
♪ The river streams keep on flowing ♪
♪ 你要离开小镇 ♪
♪ You're leaving town ♪
♪ 这是崭新的一天 ♪
♪ It's a brand-new day ♪
♪ 现在怎样你必须加入 ♪
♪ What was it now, you're in, not out ♪
♪ 那些轮子会一直转着 ♪
♪ While those wheels keep on turning ♪
♪ 我需要一点爱 ♪
♪ I need a little loving ♪
♪ 告诉我一切 ♪
♪ Tell me everything ♪
♪ 会好起来 ♪
♪ Will be all right ♪
♪ 还有10英里 ♪
♪ It's only ten more miles ♪
♪ 我今晚归家 ♪
♪ And I'm coming on home tonight ♪
♪让你属于我♪
♪ Gonna make you mine ♪
♪ 让你属于我 ♪
♪ Gonna make you mine ♪
我需要知道你和你兄弟的日本版本
I need to know, did you have sexual relations
发♥生♥关♥系♥了吗
with the Japanese version of your brother?
酸瓜桑先生帅得很特别
Mr. Pickles-san is independently handsome.
他是你带字幕的兄弟
He's your brother with subtitles.
如果你还有剩的菊花我会给你撕个新的
I would rip you a new one if you had any asshole left.
说真的你从哪里听来的
Seriously, where do you get this stuff?
我是同性恋我是...
Me, a homosexual? I am the...
我见过的最直的直男少来了俄州人
straightest dude I ever met. Go, Buckeyes.
我们谈的是钢琴
We had that whole coded conversation
和单簧管的密语
about pianos and clarinets!
我说的就是钢琴和单簧管
I was talking about pianos and clarinets.
你...你...你在说什么
What-what-what were you talking about?
你的女儿看见她的钢琴老师
Your daughter saw her piano teacher
在我家车道旁给你打飞机
giving you a hand job in our driveway!
天啊谁知道她看到了啥
Oh, my God, who knows what she saw?
雷克斯是我朋友
Rex is my friend.
当然我们有时一起种花
Sure, we garden sometimes,
但我们之间没什么见不得人的事
but there's nothing lurid going on between us.
你都快对我出柜了斯科特
You almost came out to me, Scott!
什么时候
When?
那晚在床上
That night in bed!
我只记得你问我
All I remember is a night you wanted me
离婚后哪个孩子开心
to name a happy child of divorce,
所以在你成为你妈妈前
so think about that
好好想想
before you become your mother.
你是同性恋
You're gay.
你是同性恋你是同性恋
You're gay. You're gay.
你是同性恋同性恋同性恋同性恋
You're gay, gay, gay, gay, gay!
我的阴♥道♥需要关注
And my pussy needs attention.
我的...阴♥道♥...需要...关注
My... pussy... needs... attention.
我能去爷爷家吗
Can I go to Pop-Pop's?
你为什么恨我
Why do you hate me?
就算我恨你时... 我也不恨你
I don't hate you... Even when I hate you.
别忘了你的承诺
Don't forget your promise.
是的我记得
Yeah, I remember.
你答应你和爸爸会永不分离
You promised you and Dad would always stay together.
我答应过你我记得
I did say that. I remember.
嗨
Hi.
你就穿那参加首映式吗
Is that what you're wearing to the premiere?
妈妈不去
Mommy's not coming.
不斯科特...
No, Scott's in an...
他心情不太好
He's in one of his moods.
我觉得他抑郁了
I think he's depressed.
我爱阴♥道♥
I love pussy!
嘿会没事的
Hey, it's gonna be okay.
是吗
Is it?
是的
Yes.
这就好
That's good.
你真的觉得你能
Did you really think you could commit
如此明目张胆地不忠而
such a blatant infidelity
不承担后果吗
without any consequences?
我很抱歉
I'm sorry.
我脑子不清楚
I wasn't thinking.
我很自私
I was selfish.
我是个烂人
I'm a terrible person.
我们的孩子住在这屋子里迪尔德丽
A child lives in this house, Deirdre.
我会告诉她你去旅行了
We'll tell her you're away on a trip.
好你去告诉她
Fine, you should tell her.
我不会撒谎
I'm a terrible liar. Oh.
早上好
Ohayo gozaimasu.
他需要再找个地方睡觉
He needs to find another place to sleep.
我同意
I agree.
他待得太久了
He's overstayed his welcome.
说真的你还要
A-and seriously, how much longer
待多久
do you need to stay here?
这是木偶剧
It-it-it's a puppet show.
你学不成绝地武士的
You're not learning the ways of the freaking Jedi.
祝你愉快
Have a nice day.
去死吧
Yeah, fuck you.
该死
God damn it.
我觉得我们应该大干一场
I think we should fuck.
对不起我不行
I cannot. I'm sorry.
所有的酸瓜桑都许下了贞洁誓言
All Pickles-sans take a vow of chastity.
这自节目开始就一直是传统
This has been tradition since the show began.
总共有多少个酸瓜桑
How many Pickles-sans have there been?
我是第二个
I'm the second.
我觉得我们应该大干一场
I think we should fuck.
我不能对不起
I cannot. I'm sorry.
我为更高的道德权威服务
I serve a higher moral authority:
日本的孩子们
the children of Japan.
我觉得... 我们应该大干一场
I think... we should fuck!
谁想要亲笔签名呀
Who wants an autograph?
我想要我想要
I do. I do.
给你孩子我喜欢你的毛衣
Oh, here you go, kid. I like that sweater.
-谢谢 -谁是下一个
- Thank you. - Who's next?
-是我 -她真漂亮
- I am. - She's beautiful.
你真的很喜欢看利平斯基小姐滑冰是吗布莱恩
You really like watching Ms. Lipinski, don't you, Brian?
如果我不看了她会摔倒的
If I stop watching, she'll fall down.
好吧那你最好不要移开你的视线
Well, then you better not take your eyes off her.
你好
Hello.
你好酸瓜先生
Hi, Mr. Pickles.
我是威尔学校的沃德校长
This is Principal Ward from Will's school.
我们这儿出了点情况
We have a bit of a situation here.
好家伙
Oh, mon dieu!
生活毫无意义
Life is meaningless.
好疼啊
Hey, that hurts!
看起来某人买♥♥了部新手♥机♥
Looks like someone got a new phone.
谢谢威尔
Thank you, Will.
你可以在这等着
You can wait out here.
我现在可以和家长谈话了吗
Can I see the parents now,
只和家长谈谈
and only the parents?
他们找到三号♥鸡了吗
Have they found number three yet?
根本没有三号♥鸡对吗
There is no number three, is there?
你为什么要这么做
Why'd you do it?
为了讨好那个女孩
To impress that girl.
你觉得她明白你的意思了吗
You think she got the message?
女人啊
Women.
女人啊
Women.
没有更好的方式说明这件事
There is no good way to say this.
威尔的其中一只鸡啄了一个厨师的生殖器
One of Will's chickens pecked a cook in the genitalia.
它肿起来了我们不得不
It swelled up, and we had
在它周围包一只特制的袜子
to put a special sock around it.
威尔一般不会这么做的
Will generally doesn't act like this.
他会道歉的
He'll apologize.
我喜欢威尔但他变了
I like Will, but he's changed.
他有了新朋友
He has new friends,
而且虽然我没法证明但是...
and I can't prove it, but...
我觉得他在吸大♥麻♥
I think he's smoking marijuana.