Previously on Kidding...
He needs a new liver, or it will fail.
- 送我去移肝吧 - 我们要离婚了
- De-liver me. - We're getting a divorce.
When Phil died,
- 你把他的器官捐给别人了吗 - 没有
- did you donate his organs? - No.
I am listening.
Listening to the demand for a follow-up toy
like Play-With-Me Pickles.
Puppet Time will be back on the air
within six months.
You have my word.
Hello, Pickle Pals.
It's so good to see you today.
It's so good to see you every day.
What do you see?
Do you see my couch and my room?
Do you see the sky outside my window?
What else do you see?
Purple is the color of kings.
Let's take a trip to Pickle Barrel Falls.
* What do you do?
* What do you do?
* Don't be afraid when you don't know
Whistling is easy.
I'll always be here for you, my friends.
If you've tuned in for Mr. Pickles' Puppet Time,
we're sorry, kids,
he's not here right now.
But I am, with Columbus' top news magazine.
Where'd you go?
There's four more bins at the nurses' station.
But we didn't want to overwhelm you with fan mail.
Fans are for pop stars.
We call it friend mail.
And you can never have too many friends.
Wherever you're going,
you shouldn't be walking there without me.
Did Peter get my oversized lollipop?
I should go talk to him.
I don't think your wife wants that to happen.
What makes you say that?
Because she said she doesn't want that to happen.
He wants to talk to you, though.
They all do.
Dear Mr. Pickles,
first of all, merry Christmas and a happy New Year.
Dear Mr. Pickles, what do you do
when you feel like no one wants to be your friend?
Dear Mr. Pickles, how do you spell "raisin"
Is this how you spell raisin?
it's Peter, the guy you hit with your car.
I got your lollipop.
I really want to talk with you,
but I don't see Jill letting that happen.
Hi, Mr. Pickles, I'm Judy.
You have been with me in every foster home
I've ever lived at in my whole, entire life.
But you're not at my new one.
I checked every channel.
Guess I just wanted to let you know I miss you.
P.S. I know you don't have
a TV show anymore,
but please figure out a way to come back.
I hear the pain
of my fellow man.
I'm sorry, I...
I thought I was alone.
What's your trouble?
I've been told I'm a good listener
because I bleed when I talk.
I'm only ears.
I have too many friends.
Well, I don't have any friends.
I used to trust everyone.
Now I see the world for what it is:
an airport motel room
where people line up to fuck you in the throat.
truly sorry for...
whatever happened to you.
My friends need me.
I don't know how to talk to them all.
It's like someone's...
taken away my voice.
I know how you feel.
I know exactly how to fix it.
But it's gonna invite a lot of controversy.
It's gonna make some people not like me.
Not everyone has to be your friend.
Do you know how we know Jesus was a real person?
Because people didn't like him.
He had enemies.
If everyone has something nice to say about you,
history questions your very existence.
Do you have enemies?
Every champion has enemies.
I want the piano.
- 你不会弹 - 我去上课
- You don't play the piano. - I'm gonna take lessons.
I know some guy who gives 'em.
You're going to learn an instrument to spite me?
No, I'm gonna learn an instrument to break you.
Well, I want full custody of our daughter.
You are completely unfit to be a mother.
And if you'd like, I can throw up
an alphabet of exhibits in front of a judge
to back up that sentiment.
Well, I have an alphabet of hand jobs.
So let's not go down that road.
I'm not going to abandon my kid.
We agreed, split everything 50-50.
Do you know what a forensic accountant is?
No, I do not.
Okay, well, I hired one to go
through our bank accounts to find out what's what
and what's mine and what's yours,
and he found something he called odd
but I call curious
and the IRS would call illegal.
My books are clean.
Every year, you donate hundreds of thousands of dollars
to a charity called
the Indica School for Girls.