Good work, mate.
Cryo-chamber for you.
-去修复你的肌肉吧 -是 教练
- Go and get those muscles repaired. - Yes, sir.
Jesus Christ! Martin!
Oh! Medic! Medic!
Oh, someone get a medic! Paramedic!
毯子 给我拿几条毯子 快
Er... Blankets! Get me some blankets. Quickly!
Kiss me, and I will fucking kill you!
Absolutely timeless banter.
你像这样 "医生 谁能叫个护理员来"
You were like, "Medic! Someone call a paramedic!"
I was all like that because it's the appropriate response
when you find someone dying!
-"帮帮忙 拿几条毯子来" -也是完全合理的反应
- "Help! Get some blankets!" - Again, entirely appropriate response.
答应我 如果我昏倒了 你不会亲我
Just promise, if I ever collapse, you won't try and kiss me?
好吧 那是心肺复苏 如果我不做的话你会死
OK. Well, that's CPR, and you'll die if I don't.
Imagine getting mugged off by the kit man.
"坚持住 马丁 别离我而去
"Stay with me, Martin! Don't die on me.
Think of the shorts and socks!"
- I did not say one word of that. - Mattie!
Oh, my days! Got you again!
那不算是恶作剧 不是吗 你没整到我
That wasn't a prank, was it? You didn't get me.
- Why are you covered in water, then? - I turned around
because someone shouted my name, and that's what humans do.
You're as bad as the Frenchies. I had some banter with them,
next thing you know, I'm sent to HR.
What was the banter?
I called them stinking fucking frogs.
Bro, how do you keep falling for these pranks?
-你觉得我整不到你吗 -我 不可能
- Don't reckon I could get you, then? - Me? No way!
- Yeah? - Yeah.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
- Yeah? - I just said yeah.
We'll see about that.
Well, you're fucked.
I thought Martin had frozen to death!
- You're just annoyed you got done. - Twice in a day.
It's no wonder we never win.
The...the pranks are killing team spirit.
They're nasty, there's always a victim...
I just think someone's got to try to bring this car crash
of a dressing room back together.
Good luck trying to get the team to bond behind a bloke
who thinks the cryo-chamber can freeze people.
它能把人冻僵 本杰 这就是它的用途
It can freeze people, Benji. That's literally what it does.
-是谁 你妈妈吗 -不 是个女孩
- Who's that? Your mum? - Nah, it's a girl.
I'm on that Tinder thing.
It's harder than I thought, though. I've messaged a few girls,
but they expect you to ask questions
and be interested in the answers.
I think it's going all right with this one, though.
Yeah? Let me see.
Have you said anything other than hi?
- Nah. - I'm not sure it's the best idea
for a professional footballer to be on a public dating app.
Well, I haven't used me real name.
It makes me nervous about getting recognised, and that.
But you've used your real photo of yourself?
Well, yeah, cos I want women to want me for the real me,
not cos I'm a rich footballer.
But you are a rich footballer.
Yeah, but they won't know that from looking at the photo, will they?
Unless they know who you are,
in which case they will absolutely know.
This girl's pretty cool, man.
She writes all that tinkling music for, like, yoga studios
and massage rooms, and that,
so she must be absolutely minted.
At least she won't be chasing you for your money.
I'll play you some of her stuff if you want.
Siri, play Tinkly Girl playlist.
Well, she's going to be broke.
This is shit.
Another defeat, and even worse news --
it looked like Carlos Velez limped off injured.
Carlos Velez is injured?
那我们完蛋了 不是吗 真棒
Well, then we're fucked, aren't we? Nice one!
- This is what's wrong with the club. - What, Carlos?
-没错 他是个怪胎 -或者 换个角度看
- Yeah, he's a weirdo. - Or, to look at it another way,
Carlos Velez was voted Player of the Season last year,
但他现在受伤了 独自一人坐在这里 为什么
but now he's injured, he sits alone. Why?
- Because he's a weirdo? - No.
Because he's waiting for the physio?
It's because no-one cares about team cohesion.
Because he's a weirdo!
- Absolute bell-end. - Beast of a midfielder, though.
I mean, when he's fit, he's unstoppable.
No-one here even tries to get to know each other.
There's no team spirit!
Oh, I'm superstitious, me.
I don't like hanging round the treatment room
- in case I catch something. - What, like a torn hamstring?
-没错 -损伤不会传染 杰克
- Exactly. - You can't catch injuries, Jack.
- Not all of them, anyway. - You can't catch any injuries.
Oh, come on, you must have some superstitions.
- I honestly don't. - I wash me hands before a game.
Hygiene, not superstition.
I've done it once before a game, and the water felt nice.
Took the pressure off.
And we won, so now I do it before every game.
Nando's cheesecake is another one.
- What? - I have a Nando's cheesecake before games.
It's also a good one, because I like cheesecake.
A whole cheesecake before a game?
Everyone has superstitions, bro.
Ohh! Superstitions, is it?
Oh, I've got plenty of those.
I, um... I used to not have sex with the wife the day before the game.
Now it's more like the week before.
And we have a game every week,
so I just literally never have sex.
Nah. No, you're fine.
-你有没有... -什么 我没有
- Did you...? - What? Huh? I didn't.
Nah. Don't mention.
Well, see you in a bit.
- Chris... - Well, I'm glad
Carlos is out for a bit, to be fair.
He's absolutely mental in training.
Yeah. He's competitive.
Of course. We all are.
I think he just needs a friend.
And that's going to be you, is it?
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