他现在住你以前的卧室
Oh, he's in your old bedroom now!
他真的很想来 但他还在写书
He really wanted to be here but he's still writing his book.
你感觉怎么样
How are you taking all this?
我在想 生命就像是一段历史
I was thinking how life is just the history
记录我们留意过的那些事物
of things we pay attention to.
其余过程都是打点
The rest is just packaging.
马娅·安杰卢说生命的意义
Maya Angelou says the meaning of life
就是我们施加给别人的影响
is the impact we have on other people,
给他人的感受 无论好坏
whether we make them feel good or not.
埃莉诺总是给人好的感受
Eleanor always made people feel good.
-我也许会放进讲话里 -你应该放
- I might put that in my speech. - You should!
是我给你的礼物
My gift to you.
我告诉你谁喜欢马娅·安杰卢
I tell you who loves Maya Angelou,
那边那个老头子 拄拐杖那个
is that old man over there, with the stick.
去跟他说 他叫尼克
Do tell him. His name's Nick.
没问题
Will do!
你好 你一定是尼克吧
Hello! You must be Nick.
帕特里克 这日子选得真不灵
Patrick, of all the days to have a funeral!
今天是查尔斯亲王结婚的日子
It's Prince Charles' wedding!
如果你觉得那更好玩的话 可以带上
Well, feel free to pop down with your cardboard periscope
你的纸片潜望镜和塑料英国国旗去
and a plastic Union Jack if you think it'd be more entertaining.
你还好吗
Alright?
场地真不错
Lovely venue.
是啊 我想着自己也在这儿火化
Yes, I'm thinking of getting cremated here myself.
-不用着急 -我本来也打算死后再烧
- Well, no need to rush. - I was going to wait until I die.
你怎么样
How are you bearing up?
迷之兴奋
Weirdly elated.
我觉得我母亲的死
I think my mother's death
是最近我身上发生的最好的事了 自从...
is the best thing to have happened to me since,
我父亲的死
well, my father's death.
我相信没有你说的这么简单
I'm sure it's a little more complicated than that.
-你是精神病医生 -心理医生
- You're the psychiatrist. - Psychotherapist.
-随便了 -真是太乱来了
- Oh, whatever. - What utter, utter nonsense.
-站在火炉旁边... -天啊 尼古拉斯·普拉特
- Stand by the furnace... - Oh, Christ, Nicholas Pratt.
两个词 "再见 老家伙
..These words. "Goodbye, old thing.
我们当中注定有人先死 我很高兴那个人是你"
One of us was bound to die first and I'm delighted it was you!"
这是我的精神练习
That's my spiritual practice
尽管放到你可笑的"精神工具箱"里
and you're welcome to put it in your hilarious "Spiritual tool box".
他是不是很暴躁
Isn't he hysterical?
他没意识到的是 我们住在一个美好的宇宙
What he doesn't realize is that we live in a loving universe,
宇宙也爱你 尼克
and it loves you too, Nick!
亲爱的 我从没想过见到你会这么高兴
My dear, I never thought I'd be so pleased to see you!
尼古拉斯 这些怪人是谁
Nicholas, who are these peculiar people?
他们为什么来
And why are they here?
宗教狂 文鲜明信徒 巫医
Zealots, Moonies, witch doctors.
避免眼神交流 跟紧我
Avoid eye contact, stick close to me
我们也许就能逃过一劫
and we may live to tell the tale.
他是谁
Well, who is he?
要不是碰巧
He wouldn't be anybody
是我女儿的心理医生 他根本不值一提
if he wasn't my daughter's psychoanalyst.
其实 他是个魔鬼
As it is, he's a fiend!
你准备好我们就可以开始了 先生
We can start when you're ready, sir.
-等我十分钟 -十分钟
- Ten minutes. - Ten minutes?
还有客人刚刚到
Well, there are people still arriving!
来的正是时候 我们准备开始[死]了
Just in time. We're about to kick off,
如果是用这个词的话
if that's the er... phrase I'm looking for.
并不是
It's not.
-好久不见 -差不多一年了
- It's been a long time. - Almost a year.
你真的又戒酒了吗
Is it true you've given up drinking again?
是的 都戒了
Yes, that's all over.
恭喜
Congratulations.
你现在一定很难受吧
It must be hard just now.
完全不会 一段危机都需要一位英雄
Not at all. A crisis demands a hero.
日子一过顺总会有意外发生
The ambush happens when things are going well.
反正我是这么听说的
Or so I'm told.
你还是改不了冷嘲热讽
Still not given up irony, then?
最难戒掉的瘾
Hardest addiction of all.
海♥洛♥因♥算什么 那种要一语双关的需求...
Forget heroin, that need to mean two things at once...
我一边贴尼古丁贴片
I'm having enough trouble wearing nicotine patches
一边吸烟已经够折磨了
and smoking at the same time.
别抢了我的冷嘲热讽 把讽刺给我留点
Don't take my irony, leave me with a little sarcasm!
讽刺不算 那只意味着一件事
Sarcasm doesn't count. That only means one thing.
你这个怪才
Quality freak.
我们还是进去吧 很明显尸体快堆成山了
We'd better go inside. Apparently the corpses are piling up.
真激动人心 谁掏钱
Very exciting. Who's on the bill?
不知道
I've no idea.
-是玛丽策划的 -真好
- Mary's organized it. - Adorable.
比你母亲称职多了 真的
More like a mother than your own mother, really.
之前确实如此 直到她有了自己的孩子后
She was, until she had her own children
我的身份就暴露了
and that rather blew my cover.
不管是不是真的
Still, real or not real,
我都得火化我唯一的母亲
I have to burn the remains of the only mother I'll ever have.
很高兴再见到你 我还以为再见不到了
It's good to see you again. I wasn't sure I would.
你不是真要住在这吧
You're not really gonna live here, are you?
我尽量把这当成我的单身公♥寓♥
I'm trying to think of it as my bachelor pad.
这里是大家来自杀的地方
It's the kind of place people come to kill themselves.
没错 我也有过这个念头
Yes. The thought had crossed my mind.
别这样 认真点
Don't! Be serious.
天啊 这里真阴暗
Christ, it's all so bleak!
但是 抱歉
But, I'm sorry,
肮脏并不能激发性♥欲♥
squalor is not an aphrodisiac,
对我们这年纪来说不能
not at our age.
我不能再来这了
I can't come here again.
对 我也觉得你不该来了
No, I don't think you should.
罗伯特 你在里面干什么呢
Robert? What are you doing in there?
你好
Hello.
我没听见你进来 过来
I didn't hear you. Come here.
-怎么回事 -我在收拾东西
- What's going on? - I'm picking up a few things.
你还好吗
How are you?
罗伯特 你能带托马斯上楼去吗
Robert, will you take Thomas upstairs, please?
可是我们好久没见了
But we haven't seen each other.
罗伯特 你好吗 最近怎么样
Robert, how are you? Are you well?
学校怎么样了 托马斯呢
How's school? Where is Thomas?
快去
Now, please.
我会上楼跟你道别的
I'll come up and say goodbye.
只是拿点零碎的东西 如果你没意见的话
Just a few bits and bobs, if that's alright. You know.
就是拿点祖传遗物装饰下我的单身公♥寓♥
Just a few family heirlooms to brighten up the bachelor pad...
好吧 想拿什么就拿吧 然后回你的公♥寓♥去
Fine, take what you want. And you can go back to your flat.
昏死在那
Pass out there.
但我不想孩子们看见你这个样子
But I don't want the children to see you in this state.
糟糕
Oops!
别心疼这盏灯了 我会给你买♥♥盏新的
Don't worry about the lamp, I'll buy you a new bloody lamp.
别管了 回家去
Leave it and go home!
家
Home!
你怎么会觉得那里是我家
How sweet of you to think of it as my home!
我现在可不是有家的幸福人士
I am not in the happy position of having a home.
老天 这就是地狱 这就像身处地狱
Christ, this is hell! This is like being in hell!
你 你最应该明白
You - you of all people, should know
这令人无法忍♥受
this is intolerable!
知道吗
You know?
"服务让人无法忍♥受 嘈杂让人无法忍♥受"
"The service is intolerable, the noise is intolerable."
这 这最让人无法忍♥受
Well, this... this is fucking intolerable!
我不是埃莉诺 我也不会袖手旁观
I am not Eleanor and I will not stand by
看着如此不堪 可悲的你
and watch this disgusting, pitiful spectacle of you
自甘堕落
destroying yourself.
我也绝不会让孩子们看见你这样
And I certainly won't let the boys watch it, either.
太不堪入目
It's too much.
也持续了太久
And it's gone on for too long.
如果你真决心要喝死自己
If you really are determined to drink yourself to death,
就在你自己公♥寓♥里喝
now you have a flat to go and do it in.