Last night, I woke up
with one of those 3:00 a.M. Panic attacks,
realized our "One Year Fertility Break"
had turned into three
and now I am way closer to 40 than 30.
We're like "That Couple with No Kids"
in a family neighborhood.
The neighbors kind of think we're pitiful and weird,
which is ridiculous,
because we're objectively so much better than them.
But we're ready to try again.
We wanna do this. We're... We're all in.
We are all in this time.
How often are you having sex?
How often are we having sex?
I mean, to be honuf8f5
we've been off our game a little bit lately.
I've been working crazy hours on this huge pitch,
for a fancy new theater at The Hamilton School,
where Jack works?
- 她上班... - 所以上个月uf8f5
- She works... - So the last month...
isn't really an accurate representation
of how often we... have...
Right. And also,
I've been having this, like,
persistent kind of acidy thing in my stomach here...
That's... it's kind of a problem.
Maybe the fact that I'm talking about it
is another factor
in why we're not reaching our potential, I guess.
I'd say we do it, uh...
1.5 times a week?
I mean, not that we have fractional intercourse,
我们大概 呃 一个月做六次吧
we have it, like, six times a month.
- 嗯 - 她uf8f5她记下来了
- Hmm. - Sheuf8f5she wrote it down.
- 是不是比别人多uf8f5 - 行了 知道了
- Is that more than-- - Okay, got it.
That means we're doing well?
That's pretty good, right?
对啊 我也觉得这挺好的 是吧?
Yeah, that's pretty good I would say, right?
I mean, what's youruf8f5
Yeah, we're doing good, right?
How'd it go?
The doctor asked us how often we had sex
and we lied.
With disturbing specificity.
Oh, you gotta lie.
Like I'm gonna tell the whole neighborhood
we haven't had sex in two months?
Well, you just did.
for the Real Housewives of Hawthorne Heights!
Okay, carry on.
Why would she be coming to Jenna Weeden's divorce party?
They used to work together or something.
You're gonna change before we go out, right?
Nobody under 40's gonna hit on that biz-cas bullshit.
Hey what are you doing?
Wanna crack a couple beers, watch a game,
maybe get some pizza?
Um... no, I gotta read over some college essays, so.
Is it because he's crying?
Do I actually have to answer that question?
It's called teething, okay?
He's trying to get teeth.
Imagine that for the first time.
It's a big deal.
对啊 宝贝儿 谢谢
Yeah. Thank you, honey.
What the hell?
Are you jacking off to football?
That is so fucked up.
I was justuf8f5 I was just cradling it.
are about to do some intercourse.
You ready for this?
Do you know why...
Jenna got divorced?
I couldn't pick Jenna out of a lineup,
so I have no idea who you're even talking about.
Well, when the divorce party went "Predictably darkuf8f5”
Oh, my God.
You have to have some water or something.
She said they fell deeply
"Out of lust and deeply into like."
You air quote so much when you're drunk.
Does that sound familiar to you?
Oh, yeah? You like that?
I don't know.
'cause it is about to get real dirty up in here.
Can you even hear what you're saying?
Can you even hear yourself?
I can hear you.
What does that even meuf8f5?
Oh, God. Did you smoke the entire pack of cigarettes?
Did you eat an entire bag of Funions?
Of course not.
There's till some left, I think.
'cause this is raw.
这里有烟 有洋葱圈 什么都有
This is cigarettes and Funions and shit.
Come here. Come here. Slap me.
- 扇我 - 扇你? 不不不
- Spank me. - Spank you? No.
Pull my hair and spank me.
This is seriously what you want?
Spank me. Come on.
What are you talking about?
扇我 扇我 扇我 扇我
Spank me. Spank me. Spank me. Spank me.
- 就像这样 - 我不会这么做的
- Like that. - I'm not doing it.
- 你试一下! - 宝宝是拒绝的
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