Come on, where is it?
Where is it? Stuart!
- Where's the bag? - Oh, hold my hand, hold my hand.
I think we need to get a move on.
I want to share every beautiful moment together.
- You just told me to set myself on fire. - It's fine.
The doctor said there might be swings.
After me, breathe in the love,
breathe out the baby.
- Breathe in the... - Love.
- Breathe out the... - The baby.
April, where's the hospital bag?
I want to take all your clothes off.
-什么 -催产素的作用 医生说我可能会欲♥火♥难耐
- What? - It's the oxytocin. The doctor said I might get randy.
Yeah, she also said you might shit yourself.
I want to have this child while we make love.
I think we need to get you to the hospital.
- Dad? - I'm entertaining!
- Have you taken a bag out of my room? - Just a moment.
Stuart, this is Igor.
Kicked off a bit early, then.
When you were born, your mother was twice as loud.
Heard her from the pub.
Can you get out of bed? It's two o'clock.
Didn't get back until nine.
Cannot remember beyond lunchtime.
I know we had cocktails in town.
Dad, I need some help.
Then we did poppers in the bog at Cafe Rouge.
- Dad... - Did we end up in a field?
have you seen a blue sports bag?
Full of nappies and nighties? Over there.
- Where's all the Red Bull? - We ran out of cocaine.
-我要见我妈 -好 我该给她打电♥话♥吗
- I want Mummy. - OK, should I phone her?
God, no. She hates me.
It's just such a festival of men in this house.
Can you ask Kate if she'll come over?
- It's probably a bad idea. - It's just all so Mars.
I need some Venus.
Back in a minute.
- I love you! - Yep.
-斯图 -你好 巴里
- Stu! - Hi, Barry.
Fancy hopping on for a Campari?
- April's in labour. - Oh, felicitations.
Congrats on the beard.
- Doesn't look dyed. - Is Kate there?
I'm in the middle of woodwork sesh,
building a pagoda for my birthday girl.
-她不是你女儿 -你要送她什么 又是牛仔裤吗
- She's not yours. - What'd you get her, jeans again?
It's what real dads do, Stuart.
They don't buy disappointing presents
and they don't shit themselves on the ferry to Santander.
Could you just shut up and get Kate, please?
It was supposed to be here an hour ago. What's the hold-up?
怎么了 斯图尔特 我正要
What is it, Stuart? I'm trying to
sort Madonna's birthday present.
April's gone into labour.
Just make sure it's here before three.
Congratulations. Shouldn't you be...
- ..there? - It's a bit bloke-heavy.
She wondered if you could pop over.
Don't be so ridiculous.
Why would she want your ex-wife gawping up her chuff?
Play well with the female voters.
Do you really think I'm that cynical?
Won't be long.
Holler if you need me.
I'll be at the lathe.
What's she supposed to do with a pagoda?
We saw them in Japan. They're actually quite beautiful.
You know you can see his knob through that dressing gown.
-你的货车呢 -去重新喷漆了 想让它变得靓一点
- Where's your van? - I'm getting it pimped up with a respray.
- Don't try to compete with Ted. - Wasn't.
So, how are you getting to hospital?
-你为什么在这儿 -生日快乐 亲爱的
- Why are you here? - Happy birthday, sweetheart.
- I thought you were getting your hair done. - I did.
I'm trying to win an election.
What? I thought you'd like it.
I'm challenging traditional notions of feminine beauty.
你看起来像帕特里克·斯图尔特You look like Patrick Stewart.
- Who? - I like it.
Not that way.
Ted's organising a surprise.
走 我需要你的帮助 艾普尔要生了
Come on, I need your help. April's in labour.
I'll stick the kettle on.
Honestly, I really like it.
Piss off, Dad.
I'm here now, April.
You off, then?
Oh, God, it feels like it's coming out of my bum.
Oh, you're doing so well.
Better than I am.
How on earth did I get home?
Dad, can you not vape?
Balls, it's a harmless smelling mist.
I am so glad you chose to join our magical adventure.
It's like having my mum here.
- How long's this cab going to be? - I haven't ordered it yet.
What do you mean you haven't ordered it?
Oh, don't make this another Alton Towers.
What happened at Alton Towers?
I lost my gay virginity on the teacups.
什么 不是 我忘了打车
What? No. I forgot to order a cab.
Oh, I can't find my good place.
I can't find my good place!
Gucci businesswear, that's what I think about when I'm depressed.
She's not depressed.
Stuart, go and tell Ted he's taking April to the hospital
and, on your way, book the cab. We'll follow in that.
- I'm not asking Ted for help. - Just do it!
I think one's coming again.
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