I'm going to confession.
When's the last time you did that?
I want to get serious about atoning.
Well, you know, I'm gonna see Father Phil tomorrow
at the parade, so I'll just ask him about it.
Just a reminder. C... confession is confidential.
So even if I kill someone, he can't tell you.
Mm. That's true.
And you just remember... god is always watching.
I just wanted to hear it, Mom.
Oh, a lot of options, huh?
有吸水因子的 有翼的 吸水夹层
We've got pearls, wings, flex foam.
Hmm, what feels lucky?
Early-onset menopause. That feels pretty lucky.
Let's read the back.
"Toxic shock." Nope.
Excuse me, sir.
My daughter here is
experiencing her first period,
and I'm helping her out all on my own.
Uh, these are the ones my daughter used.
She loved them.
Yeah? He likes these.
Oh, my god.
You're being a good dad.
She's not a little girl anymore.
Before you know it, she's off to college.
There's so much I haven't taught her yet.
Shannon, you're a woman now.
I'll be waiting for you in the trunk of the car.
Little girl's growing up.
You got to give her the tools she needs to leave you
and survive in the real world,
before it's too late.
Two vegan raw apple pies.
Whoever called this apple pie is a liar.
It's like someone sneezed in my mouth.
Um, so, your parents...
they're... they're cool with you being gay and vegan
and getting petitions signed in parking lots?
Yeah, my parents live in a tree.
And my mom...
she's not really cool with anything.
She doesn't know I'm on this date.
This is actually my first date with a guy.
Am I going overboard?
I wouldn't know 'cause it's my first time
going overboard on a date with a guy.
I think if you tell the waitress,
she'll give you a free artichoke.
Oh, my god. My first gay date
was everything I imagined it would be...
I never thought being vegan could be this much fun.
好了 现在 过肩摔 开始
Okay, now, twist and flip. Go.
Oh, my gosh!
Now you know how to disarm an attacker, okay?
Next lesson... never put your drink down in public.
- 为什么不行? - 你放下饮料
- Why not? - You put your drink down,
some guy's gonna put something in it,
and... boom... you're dead in a ditch.
Why are you doing this?
Because I have to because you were right.
Leprechaun costumes are for little girls.
You're a woman now, so I have to teach you some adult things,
like choke holds and how to change a tire.
I can't even drive yet.
Well, women who can't change tires
会被困在那里 然后 死在阴沟里了
get stranded, and... boom... dead in a ditch.
- 爸爸 - 好吧 我必须要
- Dad! - Well, I have to
teach you this stuff.
Not all in one day.
We went from leprechaun costumes
to dead in a ditch in like 10 seconds.
If I wanted it to be weird,
I would have told Mom about my menses.
Well, now you've made it weird.
Jimmy, the date was perfect!
So, who paid?
Um, he did, but I pulled out his chair.
So he's the chick.
Did you hear from him?
Yes. We talked,
and we're meeting again tomorrow.
Tom... no, not tom... tomorrow's the parade.
Mom's gonna flip out if you don't ride
in the float with the rest of us.
This is a huge deal. I'm finally dating.
She needs to understand that.
- 所以你告诉她了? - 噢天哪,没有
- So you told her? - Oh, god, no.
No, she needs to understand that
without ever finding out that it happened.
Why are you eating ice?
I'm in crisis, dude.
Jessica Newman is having a slumber party next door.
A pillow fight?
That's a little on-the-nose, don't you think?
What else are they gonna do? Like, braid each other's hair?
They literally did that right before the pillow fight!
But I'm not..I'm not gonna take a shower, though,
'cause I... I made a promise to god.
So I'm gonna... I'm gonna keep working on the float.
Now they're shaving each other's legs?
Girls are so weird.
Top 'o the mornin', O'Neals!
Put your green sweaters on!
We've got a float to ride!
What are you doing?
What's in that closet?
Not me anymore.
I thought we weren't keeping secrets anymore.
We're not.Let's go!
What are you doing with all this yarn?
Because it looks like you're using it to knit a web of lies.
You went back to the craft store, didn't you?
I went on a date with the guy from the parking lot,
and I'm seeing him again today.
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