This is house where my family lives.
Yesterday we were perfect,
The O'Neals were wholesome, well-respected,
religious... the face of St. Barklay's parish
But then last night happened.
I'm gay, mom.
I think Kenny said he's gay.
And it also sounds like you're getting a divorce.
Unfortunately, the acoustics in here are amazing.
Oh, and as it turns out,
my sister is a thief and my brother's not eating.
Who knows what life will be like for us now?
There's no one left to wrestle,
so I'm wrestling my demons.
I stole it from dad,
but I forgot to steal the bullets.
I'd give you a hug, but I don't have any arms.
Also, you're gay.
Uh, ma, you're bleeding all over the rug.
Your father's roasting vermin for dinner.
I'd have given my right arm
to see your father cook before the divorce.
Oh, and one more bit of bad news, Kenny.
Because of our sins,
They canceled "Jimmy Kimmel live!"
Now I have to get a real job.
What takes like an hour a day and pays a billion dollars?
Hey! Morning, Kenny.
How is everybody?
What is happening?
Mom's over-performing domesticity
in a misguided attempt to avoid our family's new reality.
And she's making pancakes.
I don't know what's more disturbing
bloody stumps and vermin or this breakfast.
This is definitely more disturbing.
You're always right, Jimmy Kimmel.
- 谢谢 - 不客气啦
- Mmm. Thank you. - You're welcome.
Mom, these pancakes are amazing.
Oh, thank you.
Uh, so, are we gonna talk about what happened?
Sure. Your father and I
discussed the situation last night,
and we are on the exact same page about everything.
You completely went against our plan.
We were gonna wait until the kids
were in college before we split up.
Oh, and keep up a lie so everyone could think we're perfect?
I am not ashamed that I finally spoke up.
And now we're getting a divorce and sleeping in the same bed.
This is so like you.
You never think things through.
You don't need three pillows.
My elbows rub.
So after a restful night's sleep,
I came up with a plan.
I have a plan, too.
I mean, I don't need it written on a little list, but...
It's up here.
It's a brain plan.
That's made up. Here's how a real plan works.
First, I made Jimmy pancakes in the shape of jesus
to encourage him to eat and get over his male anorexia.
And it worked. This is my fourth jesus.
We can cross that off the list.
Next, your father and Jimmy
are gonna go sell that car Shannon illegally bought
With the money she raised for poor african children.
Thanks, guys. That really frees up my day.
不 小姑娘 你才没有什么 "空闲" 呢
Oh, no, young lady. You do not have a "Free day."
You have your science fair today,
which we will attend as a family
In perfectly pressed shirts
So we can watch you win first prize
and put this public shaming behind us.
And that is how you make a plan.
Um, okay. Well, actually,
I think you're forgetting
a couple of pretty important things.
Like my thing from last night?
Oh. You still have that?
What? No. It's not tbd.
It's "D". It's way "D"!
- 我以为是LGBT呢 (同性恋双性恋变性人群体简称) - 不是 看
- Well, I thought it was LGBT. - No, just look.
I know this is hard for you
Because it means we're not perfect anymore.
But there's no sense in trying to hide it.
I'm gay and everyone knows it!
Sorry I didn't say goodbye last night.
I had to leave early,
And then I dropped my phone in the toilet.
Did I miss anything?
Not a thing.
Look, Kenny. I know it's hard,
but you got to break up with Mimi like a man.
Even though you're gay.
Not that gay people aren't men.
Here's a joke.
What do gay horses eat?
You can go sell that car now, dad.
Dad, I really liked your joke.
Hey. Sorry, Mimi.
Uh, Mimi, I have something to tell you.
Shannon, why don't you show Mimi your science project?
She made an erupting volcano.
Actually, I haven't done it yet.
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