辛普森一家第三十一季第一集

The Simpsons S31E01

Part1

2020年2月16日 09:30

对折
Fold down that...
然后往上折
and then up that...
这个翻过来
and this and over there
你就能得到一个漂亮的天鹅
and you have a beautiful swan!
什么鬼
What the...?!
垃圾自己收拾干净
与安格·沃特金斯一起阻截傻♥逼♥
我是安格·沃特金斯你现在正在收看的是
This is Anger Watkins, and you're watching basic cable's
有线电视台里最愤怒的体育节目
angriest sports show.
兄弟们这句话难以出口
Folks, this is difficult to say,
但今天我很愤怒
but, today, I'm angry!
我喜欢他愤怒的样子
I like how angry he is.
与安格·沃特金斯一起阻截傻♥逼♥
我想提一个话题
I want to broach a topic
别人都没法在节目上有时间讨论
that no one else has the airtime to fill to discuss.
所有时代中最杰出的人物
Greatest of All Time.
勒布朗科比还是迈克尔·乔丹
LeBron, Kobe or MJ?
我来告诉你们为什么这些答案都是错的
I'll tell you why you're all wrong!
我们来接通观众吧
Let's open the lines.
制♥作♥人说我要接通了
The producer says I'm gonna go on.
拜托了体育界的耶稣
Please, Sports Jesus,
引导我胡言乱语
guide my blather.
欢迎致电美国愤怒
Welcome to Rage Nation.
你♥他♥妈♥什么毛病
What the hell is your problem?
我第一次看节目
Uh, first-time listener,
打了很久的电♥话♥
long-time caller.
所以我
So, I, uh...
给我一个观点
Give me a take!
安格需要一个观点
Anger needs a take.
谁是第一
Who is number one?
约翰·斯托克顿
Uh, John Stockton!
与安格·沃特金斯一起阻截傻♥逼♥
正在接通: 侯默·辛普森春田镇美国
约翰·斯托克顿
John Stockton?!
我们正在进行日常对话
We're trying to have our daily conversation
一遍遍选出三个最受崇拜的时代爱康
in which we rank and re-rank three demigods,
你却提名约翰·没名没姓·斯托克顿混淆视听
and you bring John "Never Won a Title" Stockton into the mix?!
真可耻太可耻了
Shame! For shame!
再您妈的见
Dodbye.On!
侯默你被冲走了
Homer, you got flushed.
不懂体育的男人
A man who don't know sports,
算不上什么男人
um, he ain't much of a man.
你对我来说一无是处
You're nothing to me now.
只是一个丈夫和父亲
Just a husband and father.
傻♥比♥安格·沃特金斯
Stupid Anger Watkins
用声效把我冲走了
flushing me with an audio effect.
为什么不把坏情绪合着烤串吃掉呢
Why not eat your feelings with a cheer-up kebab?
来看看披萨切片
Let's see. Pizza slice,
夏日香肠
summer sausage...
来吧
Here you go.
只是个愚蠢的电♥话♥互动节目
It was only a dumb call-in show.
你说的挺容易
Easy for you to say.
如果那个混♥蛋♥不喜欢你的体育观点
If that jerk didn't like your sports notions,
听听别人的意见
listen to someone else.
网上都是自♥制♥体育节目
The Internet's full of homemade sports shows.
随便谁都能放一个上去
Anyone could put one on,
我是说即便是别说"你"
I mean, even... Don't say "You."
别说"你"
Don't say "You."
即便是你
Even you.
妈的
Damn it.
当然了是的
Oh, yes. Of course!
一档网络体育脱口秀
An Internet sports talk show!
但我去哪里找一个
But where could I find a host
完全赞同我的观点的主持人呢
who thinks all my opinions are great?
就是我自己
Me.
马姬准备庆祝烤串
Marge, prepare a congratulations kebab.
土豆小孩
这些跟石头一样硬
These are hard as rocks.
食物大战
Food fight!
这号♥召我们大规模反击
Uh, this calls for massive retaliation.
用你们的二次方程兄弟们
Use your quadratic equations, men.
老天我出现幻觉了
Oh, my God. I'm having a flashback.
上帝我重来了遍新春攻势[越战战役]
Good Lord, I'm reliving the Tet Offensive.
史金纳
Skinner...
我用海姆利克氏操作法救你
I'll Heimlich you, sir.
请保持不动我从后面抱你
Just be still so I can embrace you from behind.
放开我
Get... off... me.
乖你安全了
Shh, you're safe now.
回收土豆块
哪个小流氓丢了第一块土豆
Now, which of you little hoodlums tossed the first tot?
-书呆子干的 -可能是丽莎
- The nerd did it. - Uh, could be Lisa.
史金纳校长不是我是物理现象[菲克斯]
Principal Skinner, it wasn't me. It was physics.
是真的吗菲克斯
Is this true, Fizix?
我以为来自土库曼的交换生表现良好呢
I would've thought better of a Turkemenistan exchange student.
我与此事无关
Ah! I had nothing to do with it.
我来这个国家是为了躲避因为食物引发的暴♥力♥
I came to this country to escape food-based violence.
丽莎一周留堂
Lisa, one week's detention.
举止不当
《再见本垒打》[homer=home]
侯默·辛普森出品
再见
欢迎来到《再见本垒打》
Welcome to Walkoff Homer!
我是侯默·辛普森
This is Homer Simpson,
由管上最粗鲁的大兄弟
the rudest dude on the InnerTube.
人们说穆♥罕♥默♥德♥·阿里是最棒的拳王
They say Muhammad Ali was the greatest of all time,
但他没有跟卡休斯·克雷较量过
but he never fought Cassius Clay.
他害怕什么
What was he afraid of?
爆♥炸♥了吧
Boom! Hot take.
还有为什么在篮球界
And how come, in basketball,
他们一直用篮筐
they use the basket all the time
但你踢球的时候真的可以不用脚[指橄榄球]
but you could literally play football without any feet?
这节目太糟糕了
This show sucks.
真不敢相信他把弗兰德斯的无线网浪费在这上
I can't believe he's wasting Flanders' Wi-Fi on this.
《再见本垒打》
侯默·辛普森出品
驼鹿屎
有一些事情一直在困扰着我
Here's a few things that bug me.
他们怎能对主场球队说走步
How can they call traveling on a home team?
为什么足球运动员都这么蠢
Why is soccer so stupid?
在花♥园♥里怎么玩曲棍球
How can they play hockey in a garden?
为什么高尔夫运动员不能自己拿球杆
Why can't golfers carry their own clubs?
一群懒蛋
Lazy jerks.
驼鹿屎
"Moose Poo"?!
为什么你个搞笑的
Why, you hilarious...
尝尝日落玫瑰
Eat Sunset Rose!
半哑光的
Semi-gloss.
种子铃铛
Seed bell?
好像玩意能阻止我似的
Like that's gonna stop me.
太可爱了
Oh, so cute!
看看
Look at...
我的脸我的脸
Oh, my face! My face!
什么鬼东西这么好笑
What the hell's so funny?
海平面上升
我们一定要齐心协力
We must come together...
降低我们的碳...
to lower our carbon...
-破孩子 -傻老爸
- Stupid boy. - Dumb dad.
首先他毁了我的生活
First, he ruins my life.
-然后他又毁了我的直播 -我对他直播的破坏
- Then he ruins my livestream. - Me ruining his show was
-就是他直播的唯一看点 -我要靠自己的主意
- the only good part of his show. - I'm gonna change the NHL
-改变曲棍球界 -这是他唯一不错的观点
- with my idea - Fat goalie was his only good take.
-对病态肥胖守门员的看法 -应该当做开端
- for morbidly obese goalies. - Should've led with it.
你们好话题第一印象
Hello. #FirstImpression.
天呐是个网红
Oh, my God, a hipster!
马姬给他拿瓶微酿啤酒
Marge, bring him a microbrew!
-快 -马上就来
- Quick! - I'm on it!
冲击平原的啤酒花真的有河岸湿地般的苦涩感
The alluvial hops really bring out the riparian bitterness.
他喜欢
He likes it.
-我以为 -我确实喜欢