So, you know in horror movies when the girl's like,
"Oh, my god. There's something in the basement.
Let me just run down there in my underwear
and see what's going on, in the dark."
And you're like, "What is your problem?! Call the police!"
你就会说 "你什么毛病啊 快报♥警♥"
And she's like, "Okay," But it's too late,
Because she's already getting murdered.
Well, uh... my story's kind of like that.
It's a surprise for Spencer.
I'm just gonna walk in, and I'm gonna drop my coat on the ground.
He says he has this fantasy
that I'm a stripper with a heart of gold
and he's helping me put myself through college.
He didn't say the college part, did he?
Um, no. I-I wanted to create a 3-dimensional sex character.
Really? What's your stripper name?
Uh... Rebecca Johnson.
Your stripper name's Rebecca Johnson?
Boobies Johnson. T-two boobs Johnson.
Look at you, in the back of a cab, totally naked.
瞧你 坐在计程车后排 全身赤♥裸♥
I am so proud of you.
I came home early.
Jess! What --
You're talking to...
I'm doing sexy things
With a pillow
She's doin' sexy stuff
To the plant right --
I'll pick that up later
Who's that girl? ?
Who's that g-I-I-I-irl?
So, that happened.
That's why I need a new apartment.
I'm sorry. What was the question, again?
Do you have any pets?
You know, it's funny.
When I saw your ad on craigslist,
I thought you were women.
Why would you think that? That's crazy.
I mean, well, I made the --
Schmidt wrote the ad.
Oh, I guess it was something about the words you used.
It was like, uh, like...
"Sun-soaked and beige-y."
What are you doing?
What about these? These look beige-y to you?
I'm his trainer, so, uh...
It's kind of the house that Coach built right here.
What are we looking at here? That's baby-smooth.
This is L.L.S. -- "Ladies love Schmidt."
What?! What did you just say?
Go put a dollar in the jar right now.
Are you serious? Yeah! Now!
你说真的吗 是的 马上放钱
"L.L.S."? What is wrong with you?
This place is beautiful. It gets so much light.
Spencer hated light.
It's hard to say his name.
It's okay. Nick knows. He got dumped.
没事 尼克了解你 他被甩了
"Dumped"? Yeah, I got dumped.
被甩 是啊 我被甩了
I can't hear you! That means we're not breaking up!
Yes, we're breaking up. We can't break up if I can't hear you!
是的 我们在分手 我听不到就不能分手
I'm breaking up with you.
I need some time away...
Yeah, I got dumped.
She dumped me.
And I'm over it.
Okay? It was six months ago, guys.
Get past it!
I don't even know why we're still talking about it!
Why is everybody looking at me?!
You know what? I want to live here.
Actually, I-I still have some questions.
I mean, like, no offense, but we barely know you.
Yeah, okay. Yeah.
So, um... full disclosure.
I'm kind of emotional right now 'cause of the breakup,
So I'll probably be watching "Dirty Dancing"
at least six or seven times a day.
Um, I'm a teacher,
so I-I bring home a lot of popsicle sticks,
stuff like that.
Also, I like to sing to myself a lot.
I'm tired of living with my friend.
She's a model. All her friends are models.
Uh, how soon can you move in?
Actually, Schmidt, slow up. Not happening.
施密特 悠着点 不可能
Okay, uh, can you give us a second?
I just got to -- got to talk to my boys.
"My boys" is not a thing around here.
My bros, okay? Okay, douchebag jar.
弟兄们 行了吧 放钱吧你
For what? For "My bros"?
I'm gonna say yes. Her friends are models.
Okay, you guys? Models.
I say no.
I need to be able to come home from work, sit on my couch,
and let my beans out, let them breathe!
Nick, it's all you, buddy.
Well, first, let me say
I think you guys make some really interesting points,
Points that I respect, but I will say this.
I have lived with a woman -- Caroline, as you guys know --
我曾经和女人住过 卡洛琳 你们知道的
And so I know that there are pros
and I know that there are real cons, guys.
Nick, you're weak!
Okay, pro -- they smell nice.
Every once in a while, the mood changes,
and you're not sure why.
They'll ruin your life if you let them.
They'll break down your will to live.
Pros -- they're really good at folding.
Make a decision! I'm sorry. You know what?
快决定 抱歉 知道吗
But, like, another pro -- like, when you, like --
Oh, don't do it. Don't do it. Put it down.
别这样 别这样 放下帽子
Don't -- don't hood me.
You guys don't know what you're talking about.
Don't hood me. Please don't hood me.
Okay. I know what I'm talking about.
Okay. Pushed him too hard.
We did pushed him too hard. Damn it.
Executive decision -- she's in.
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