Can I have some rainbow sherbet?
我们没有
We don't have any.
商店有
The store does.
好 这就去
Right, right. I'm on it.
因为我是个好妈妈 好妈妈会这么做
'Cause I'm a good mom, and that's what good moms do.
我就从你包里取十块钱
I'm just gonna take ten bucks from your purse.
我还是拿走整个包吧
I'm just gonna take the whole purse.
我还要开你的车
I'm gonna take your car, too.
对不起 我要买♥♥什么来着
I'm sorry, what am I getting again?
已经收拾完了吗
Are we done cleaning up already?
破纪录时间
Record time.
而且少两个人
And with two less people.
你知道原因
Well, you know why.
吉尔 积点嘴德
Jill, be kind.
因为少的人是克丽丝蒂和邦妮
Because the two less people are Christy and Bonnie.
在背后说她们坏话
I'm uncomfortable talking about them
令我感到不适
behind their back.
我没有不适 我会再说一遍
Well, I'm not, and I'll say it again.
克丽丝蒂和邦妮不在一切更简单了
Everything's easier without Christy and Bonnie. Whoo!
这不公平 她们也帮忙了
That's not fair. They help.
你知道她们不在 我们可以说实话吧
You get that they're not here, so we're being honest, right?
好吧 我也来
Okay, I'll play.
你们注意到邦妮搬完一把椅子后
Have you ever noticed how Bonnie takes, like, one chair
就靠在上面等到我们干完活吗
and just leans on it until we've finished all the work?
然后克丽丝蒂不干活了 去吼邦妮
And then Christy stops helping to yell at Bonnie.
然后我们都得停下 调停和聆听
And then we all have to stop to referee
她们愚蠢的感受
and validate their stupid feelings.
然后一切都围着她们转
And then everything's about them.
太好玩了
Ooh, this is fun.
如果没她们收椅子更快
Hey, if putting chairs away is better without them,
想想去咖啡馆会变得多棒
think how great the bistro's gonna be.
等等 是克丽丝蒂和邦妮
Wait. Christy and Bonnie are the ones
强迫我们去咖啡馆的
that make us go to the bistro.
我们可以去任何地方
We can go anywhere.
-对 墨西哥餐厅怎么样 -或者意大利餐厅
- You're right. How about Mexican? - Or Italian.
街角有一家希腊餐厅的服务员会跳舞
There's a Greek place around the block where the waiters dance.
好吧 还是去咖啡馆 但不是被强迫的
Okay, we'll go to the bistro, but we don't have to.
自♥由♥
Freedom!
好 这个是止咳的
Okay, this one's for cough,
这个是退烧的
and this one's for fever.
我孩子两种症状都有 我不知道该买♥♥哪个
My kid has both. I don't know what to do.
是啊 我女儿得了流感
Yeah. My daughter has the flu,
但我不想给她劲太大的药
but I don't want to give her anything too strong.
她个头很小
She's so tiny.
这是德克兰第一次病这么重
This is the first time Declan's ever been this sick.
我感觉非常无助
I feel completely helpless.
是的 看到孩子躺在床上受苦
Yeah, it's so hard to see your child
感觉很不好受
lying in bed, suffering.
他们不知道发生了什么
And they don't understand what's happening.
没错 你应该看看我告诉女儿
No. You should've seen my daughter's face
她不能去上学后她的表情
when I told her she couldn't go to school.
你听起来是个好妈妈
You know, you sound like such a good mom.
加上我 你是今天第三个说这话的人
Counting me, you're the third person to say that today.
我选这个
I'm going with this.
上面写着"儿科医生推荐"
It says "Pediatrician recommended."
我选这个 克丽丝蒂喜欢葡萄味
I'm gonna go with this. Christy loves purple flavor.
人们说孩子长大后会更轻松
They say it gets easier when they get older.
-但愿吧 -我孩子刚满2岁
- Oh, fingers crossed. - Mine just turned two.
-你孩子呢 -41岁
- How old's yours? - 41.
你们专门等我拿了东西
Do you guys wait for me to pick something up,
才打电♥话♥吗
and then call?
你知道我们看不到你吧
You know we can't see you, right?
克丽丝蒂怎样了
How's Christy?
她吃下饼干了
She's keeping down crackers.
如果不吐出来 那再试试吐司
If that holds, we'll try some toast.
如果依然不吐 我们会给苹果酱上一课
If that stays put, we'll show applesauce who's boss.
你真是个好妈妈
Well, aren't you the good mom.
坊间是这么传的
That's the word on the street.
我必须告诉你 如果我知道
I got to tell you, if I'd known
照顾孩子这么有成就感
taking care of your kid was so rewarding,
我会更早开始照顾的
I would've jumped in much sooner.
是啊 真可惜人母的喜悦
Yeah, too bad the joys of motherhood
是个无人知晓的秘密
are such a well-kept secret.
可不是嘛 谁应该发到脸书上
Totally. Someone should put that on Facebook.
我要挂了
I got to go.
转告克丽丝蒂我说
Tell Christy I said
早日... 喂
feel-- hello?
演唱会如何
How was the concert?
-还好 -只是还好吗
- Ah, it was okay. - Just okay?
你没去 我说起这个很内疚
I feel bad talking about it 'cause you weren't there.
亲爱的 我选择将孩子放在首位
Honey, I made a choice to put my child first,
这令我非常满足
and it's been deeply fulfilling.
我一点也不后悔错过了这场演唱会
I don't regret missing the show at all.
我去了后台
I went backstage!
什么
What?!
是啊 我坐在乔·沃尔什的牙医旁边
Yes. I'm sitting next to Joe Walsh's dentist.
他带我进去了 我见到了所有人
He totally hooked me up. I met all the guys.
太棒了
That's... great.
是啊 乔·沃尔什让我拨弄他的吉他
Yeah. Joe Walsh let me noodle around on his guitar.
这就是他的原话 拨弄
That's what he called it. "Noodling."
我们玩到凌晨三点
We hung out till 3:00 A.M.
唐·亨利问我是否想和他一起分蛋卷
Don Henley asked me if I wanted to split an egg roll with him.
我说 好啊
I was like, "Yeah."
太棒了
It was so awesome.
我 对不起
I-I-I-I... Sorry.
别啊 我其实没事
Don't be. I'm... actually fine.
真的吗 你不生气吗
Really? You're not mad
我度过了这辈子最美妙的一晚 而你不在
that I had the greatest night of my life, and you weren't there?
不生气 我想跟唐·亨利
No. Would I have loved to share an egg roll
分蛋卷吗 当然啦
with Don Henley? Absolutely.
他肯定会拿更少的一半
I bet he'd take the smaller half.
但我女儿需要我 我陪着她
But my daughter needed me, and I was there for her.
我也度过了这辈子最美妙的一晚
So I had the greatest night of my life, too.
妈妈 我吐在枕头上了
Mom... I puked on my pillow.
得走了
Got to go.
我有我和大伙儿的照片
I have a picture of me and the guys.
适可而止
Don't push it!
因此 我得清空整个冰箱
And because of that, I had to empty the entire refrigerator.
肉变质了
The meat had spoiled,
奶酪变质了
and the cheese had spoiled.
我以为生菜没坏
And I didn't think the lettuce had spoiled,
但它的确坏了
but it did spoil.
该死 我得去上厕所了
Darn it, I got to pee.
我回来后讲完这故事
I'll finish the story when I come back.
迫不及待 亲爱的
Can't wait, sweetie.
天啊 她还觉得这是个故事
Oh, my God, she thinks that's a story.
我在监狱里浪费了七年的生命
I lost seven years of my life in prison.
我没法耐着性子听完这些
I can't afford to sit through this.
怎么回事
What's going on?
我告诉你怎么回事
I'll tell you what's going on.
少了终极猎食者
Our apex predator is missing.
什么
What?
我昨晚在自然频道看到了一档节目
I saw this show on the Nature Channel last night.
我不想看 但我的指甲油没干
I didn't want to watch it, but my nails weren't dry,
所以我没法拿遥控器
so I couldn't touch the remote.
原来有个叫生态系统的玩意儿
Turns out there are these things called ecosystems,
缺失一环时
and when one piece is missing...
一切都完蛋了
whole thing goes to hell.
我看出你想说什么了
I see where you're going.
完全不懂
Not a clue.
印度有老鼠