我们在这里学习吧 因为
I thought we'd work in here cuz...
这是唯一有桌子的房♥间
well, it's the only room with a table.
你没有专用的学习区吗
Huh. You don't have a dedicated workspace?
我连专用的厕所都没有
I don't have a dedicated bathroom.
我能给你拿什么喝的吗
Can I get you something to drink?
有汽水吗
Uh, you have Coke?
我有可乐
I have cola.
有聪明水吗
You have Smartwater?
我有水槽水
I have sink water.
我喝可乐吧
I'll take the cola.
教授把你和不认识的人配对真尴尬
It's kind of awkward when the professor pairs you up with someone you don't know.
就是
Totally.
至少我们都没分到"清嗓男"
Well, at least neither of us got "Throat Clearing Guy."
我上个项目其实分到了"清嗓男"
Oh, I actually got Throat Clearing Guy on the last project.
进行得不是 咳咳
It did not go so...
很顺利
...well.
总之 我觉得在我笔记本上做比较好
Anyway, I, uh, figured we'd do this on my laptop.
除非你有N-voke
I mean, unless you have N-voke.
这得看情况
That depends.
那是什么玩意
What is it?
是一种演示软件
Presentation software.
就像Powerpoint 但不是那个 因为不难用
Like Powerpoint, only not, because it doesn't suck.
我有盗版的Word 97
I have pirated Word '97.
我用它写了冲突解决的
And I used it to write up the first seven precepts
-前七个规则 适用于... -好吧
- of conflict resolution as it pertains to... - Yeah.
放松 我来吧
Relax. I got this.
真的吗
Oh, really?
那我做什么
And what do I got?
我想吃点薯条
I can go for some chips.
我不是你的服务员 活宝
Not your waitress, Skippy.
我叫库珀
Cooper.
我还是叫活宝吧
I'm sticking with Skippy.
我们之间有问题吗
Are we gonna have a problem here?
有吗
Are we?
明智的决定 活宝
Good call, Skippy.
该死 我的屏幕不动了
Oh, crap. My screen's frozen.
克丽丝蒂说你在找公♥寓♥ 我心想
Christy told me you were looking for an apartment, and I thought,
当然了 你可以开车绕遍纳帕
sure, you could drive all over Napa,
或者 我可以帮你省去麻烦
or... I could save you the hassle
带你来看看这个小天堂
and show you this little slice of paradise.
房♥顶怎么回事
What's going on with the ceiling here?
这叫建筑元素
That's what you call an architectural element.
高档
Ooh, fancy. Mm.
这是什么东西
What's this all about?
邻居厕所的排水管
That's drainage from your neighbor's toilet.
-真的吗 -别担心 小个子 吃的不多
- Really? - Don't worry. Little guy. Doesn't eat much.
你觉得如何 想要吗
So what do you think? You in?
因为还有个一夫多妻者在找姐妹房♥
'Cause I got a polygamist looking for a sister house.
我越早有自己的家
Well, the sooner I have my own place,
就能越早接回艾米莉
the sooner I can get Emily back.
我只是没钱交两个月定金
I just don't have first and last month's rent.
两难窘境
Hmm, predicament.
该怎么办 该怎么办
What to do, what to do...
我有个主意
Here's an idea.
你用现金交租 我就不要定金
You pay me in cash, I'll overlook the deposit,
甚至还会把地下室的一些家具给你
and even throw in some furniture I got in the basement.
听起来不错
Sounds great.
或许重刷一遍漆
Maybe a fresh coat of paint?
别过分 梅拉尼娅
Stand down, Melania.
极品老妈 第五季第三集
等等 我给你拿把干净的叉子
Hang on. I'll get you a clean fork.
我只会走一圈再把叉子还你
Just gonna walk in a circle and bring you the same one.
我依然不敢相信你让她搬进了你的大楼
I still can't believe you moved her into your building.
拜托 吉尔
Oh, come on, Jill.
你是个很好的养母
You've been a great foster mother,
但艾米莉应该和娜塔莎在一起
but Emily belongs with Natasha.
我同意 我只是觉得这等于双标
I agree. I just think there's a double standard afoot.
在我抚养艾米莉之前
I mean, before I could foster Emily,
我受到了质询 被采了指纹
I had to be questioned, fingerprinted
整个屋子都做了婴儿防伤处理
and baby-proof my whole house.
我依然进不了我的泳池
I still can't get into my pool.
让她和生母住在那个垃圾堆里
Slap her in that dump with her birth mother,
一切都皆大欢喜了
and everything's hunky-dory.
我们就住在那个垃圾堆里
That dump is where we live.
我知道 我去过
I know. I've been there.
她刚戒完瘾
She's just out of rehab.
她哪有钱自己租♥房♥♥
How can she afford her own place?
她租不起 她跟我是私下交易的
She can't. She's paying me under the table.
什么 你没和我说过
What? You didn't tell me that.
所以才叫"私下交易"
That's what "Under the table" means.
他们在大学怎么教你的
What are they teaching you at that college?
你要知道如果你被抓了
You realize that if you get caught,
我们得重新寻找公♥寓♥
we're gonna be looking for a new apartment, too.
小乌云
Well, Little Black Cloud,
我被抓的唯一可能是被人揭发
the only way I'd get caught is if someone ratted me out.
那某些人最好给我分一杯羹
Well, then, somebody better give me a little taste of the action.
你也想尝尝鲜是吧
Oh, you want to wet your beak, do you?
她们为什么讲黑话
Why are they talking like that?
永远不要问我生意的事 温蒂
Never ask me about my business, Wendy.
我告诉你我怎么做
Tell you what I'm gonna do.
很高兴与你做生意
Pleasure doing business with you.
我在想 应该由我做口头报告
So, I was thinking, I should do the oral presentation,
你来切换幻灯片
and you should manage the visuals.
穿点漂亮的衣服
And wear something pretty.
对 最好是低胸的 能让我们得高分
Right, something low-cut so we can get a good grade.
完全对
Exactly.
你知道你该穿什么吗
And you know what you can wear?
屁♥股♥上带我脚印的裤子
My foot in your ass.
我只是想各展所长
Hey, I'm just trying to play to our strengths.
你做你擅长的事
You do what you do,
我在公开场合演讲一点不怯场
and I'm super comfortable speaking in public.
我演过两个中学话剧
I was in two high school plays,
而且我有自己的油管频道
and I have my own YouTube channel.
别嘚瑟 西贡小姐
Slow your roll, Miss Saigon.
一周有好几次
Several times a week,
我站在一个满是酒鬼和瘾君子的房♥子里
I stand in front of a room full of drunks and drug addicts
分享我最痛苦的经历
and share my most painful experiences.
而且 我朋友的猫都有油管频道
And P.S., my friend's cat has her own YouTube channel.
这样如何 我们都做口头报告
Tell you what. How about we both do the presentation,
我穿点漂亮的衣服
and I wear something pretty?
谢谢
Thank you.
记得露点沟
And show a little cleavage.
我们要得"A"
We do want the "A."
我有点饿了
Hey, I'm a little hungry.
你想吃鸡翅什么的吗
You want to get some wings or something?
和你吃吗
With you?
别担心 我们分摊买♥♥单
Don't worry. We'll split the bill.
哥们 你是个性别歧视的嬉皮混♥蛋♥
Dude, you're kind of a sexist, hipster douche.
鸡翅你买♥♥单
Wings are on you.
你确定没人会想念这些东西吗
You sure nobody's gonna miss this stuff?
确定 这些都是搬出去的房♥客留下的
Nah, this was all left behind by tenants who moved out.
有几个还是抬出去的
Couple of 'em feet first.
真的吗
Really?
鸡骨头噎死
Choked on a chicken bone,
肺栓塞死
pulmonary embolism.
那家伙搬去了夫勒斯♥诺♥市
That guy moved to Fresno,
跟死了一样
which is the same thing as dying.
过来 帮我一把
Come on, give me a hand.
我不知该怎么感谢你 邦妮
I don't know how to thank you, Bonnie.
你只用确保每个月给我本杰明爷爷就行了
You just make sure I get those Benjamins every month.
还有 别给克丽丝蒂