Hey, uh, if you're interested,
给我一点时间 我会撮合你们
give me a minute, and I'll set you up.
太棒了
Awesome.
我赢得了你
I won you.
瞧瞧
Ta-da!
作为额外奖励
And, as a bonus,
我刚跟那边的一个妹子聊天
I was just talking to this girl over there...
你真刻薄
You're mean!
真抱歉
I'm so sorry.
我们最后在他车里亲热了一小时
We ended up making out in his car for about an hour.
瞧瞧我 我有千禧一代的嘴部烧伤了
Look at me-- I have millennial scruff-burn.
真好 我还以为你
Oh, good. I thought you just did
跟小孩一样一直在舔嘴唇呢
that thing kids do where they lick their mouth too much.
这孩子多大了
How old is this fella?
大到知道自己在干什么
Old enough to know what he's doing
年轻到让我只有一丢丢犯罪的感觉
and young enough to be just the right side of wrong.
你会再跟他约会吗
Are you gonna see him again?
绝对的
Oh, yeah.
我们今晚要约会
We're going out tonight.
去金宝贝童装还是熊熊工作室
Gymboree or Build-A-Bear?
我觉得你嫉妒了
I think you're jealous.
我同情嫉妒的白♥痴♥
I pity the fool who's jealous!
T先生啊 你们是穴居人吗
Mr. T. What, do you live in a cave?
一位非常出名的美国演员
口头禅是我同情那个白♥痴♥
奇怪的是 我刚跟他认识时
The weird thing is, when I first met him,
还以为他是个彻头彻尾的混♥蛋♥
I thought he was a total dick.
克丽丝蒂 他们一开始都是彻头彻尾的混♥蛋♥
Oh, Christy, they all start out as total dicks.
最后也是彻头彻尾的混♥蛋♥
And they end as total dicks,
但中间有甜蜜地带
but there's that sweet spot in the middle.
我就处于这种位置 在两个混♥蛋♥[丁丁]之间
That's where I am-- between two dicks.
我也需要两根
That's where I need to be.
不好意思 小姑娘
Excuse me, young lady.
现在是上学期间 你这是要去哪里t
Where do you think you're headed on a school night?
真好笑
Ha-ha.
拜托 你在高中约会时我一直烂醉如泥
Oh, come on, I was hammered the whole time you were dating in high school--
让我享受这一刻吧
let me have this moment.
好吧妈咪 我来演
Okay, Mommy, I'll play along.
过来 坐下
Come. Sit.
我知道你真的很喜欢这男孩
Now, I know you really like this boy,
但是要记住
but remember,
没必要就因为他想做一些事
you don't have to do things
你就曲意逢迎
just because he wants to.
但如果我想让他喜欢我呢
But what if I want him to like me?
他该爱你这个人
He should like you for who you are.
但如果我想让他狠狠喜欢我呢
But what if I want him to really like me?
那你就得让他爽翻天
Then you got to bang his brains out.
-我们总是做得太过了 对吧 -是啊
- We always go one step too far, don't we? - Yeah.
没错 小猫咪
We sure do, kitten.
玩得开心哦
Have fun.
再见
Bye.
孩子长得真快
Oh. They grow up so fast.
邦妮 我是个完全失败的妈妈
Bonnie, I'm a total failure as a mom.
我也是啊 有什么大不了的
So am I. Big deal.
我是认真的 我做不到
I mean it. I can't do it.
-好吧 怎么了 -我买♥♥了一些食物
- All right, what happened? - Well, I bought a bunch of food,
做了一顿不错的晚餐
and then I made this nice dinner,
然后艾米莉给我发短♥信♥说
and then Emily texts me she's spending the night
她要在艾希莉家过夜
over at someone named Ashley's house.
孩子们都这样 实际上我女儿
Kids do that. In fact, my daughter's having
今晚要在她同学库珀家过夜呢
a sleepover tonight with her little school friend Cooper.
但这是我们重聚的第二晚
But it's our second night together,
她都不想回家
and she didn't want to come home.
你能怪她吗
And can you blame her?
我也不想回家见到我
I wouldn't want to come home to me, either.
天啊 我想喝一杯
God, I want a drink.
好吧
Okay. Okay.
我可以的
I got this.
坐下
Have a seat.
你坐得真快
Wow, you sat fast.
我还以为那会为我争取更多时间呢
Uh... I thought that was gonna buy me a little more time.
我知道了
Oh. I know.
我们好好想想酒
Let's think through the drink.
-那是什么意思 -假设你喝了一杯
- What does that mean? - Well, let's say you have that drink.
我们都知道那意味着你还要喝十杯
We both know that means you're gonna have ten more.
至少是
At least.
你破戒了
You lose your sobriety,
失去了工作
you lose your job,
我绝对要把你赶出公♥寓♥
I am definitely kicking you out of that apartment,
最重要的是 你还会失去艾米莉
and most important, you lose Emily.
所以你尽力努力上进
So you try to get your act together,
但那比你想象的更难
but it's harder than you thought,
你还没反应过来 三年时间就过去了
and before you know it, you've blown through three years,
你完全没法陪着你的孩子
and you haven't been there for your kid at all,
到了那时候 她也许甚至都不在乎了
and by that point, she probably doesn't even care anymore.
所以你要怎么样
So what'll it be?
杜松子酒 伏特加
Gin, vodka,
还是我没机会尝试的
or one of those candy-ass microbrews
没劲微酿啤酒
I never got a chance to try?
好吧 我知道了
Okay, I got it.
是吗
Do you?
我只是很害怕
I'm just scared.
你该害怕
Well, you should be scared.
很多事都取决于此
You've got a lot riding on this.
克丽丝蒂34岁时才回到我身边
I got Christy back when she was 34,
我每天都在努力补偿她
and I spend every single day trying to make up for it.
这十分费力 相信我 实际上坚持不喝酒
It's a lot of work-- trust me, it's actually easier
还更容易
to just not drink.
谢谢你 这真的有所帮助
Thank you. That really helps.
谢天谢地
Thank God.
现在还很早 我们去参加互助会怎么样
It's still early-- how about we catch a meeting?
我愿意
I would like that.
克丽丝蒂有你真是她的福气
Christy's really lucky to have you.
娜塔莎 我跟你说清楚
Natasha, let's get something straight.
每个人有我都是他们的福气
Everybody's lucky to have me.
早上好
Morning.
你觉得班里每个人
So... you think everyone in class
都会知道我们上♥床♥了吗
will know we're sleeping together?
我告诉他们时 他们就知道了
They will when I tell them.
库珀
Hey, Coop.
我在洗衣服 你有要洗的衣服吗
I'm doing a load of laundry-- got anything?
妈妈 真的吗
Mom, seriously?
妈妈
Mom?
抱歉 不知道你还有伴儿
Sorry. Didn't know you had company.
我在门把上挂了袜子
I put the sock on the door.
它掉了 我还以为是要洗的衣服
Oh, it fell off-- I thought it was laundry.
你好 我是洛琳
Hi. I'm Lorraine.
克丽丝蒂
Christy.
我想站起来 但我的内♥裤♥在台灯上
I'd stand up, but my underwear's on the lamp.
反正我也在洗衣服 不如顺便帮你洗了
Well, I am doing a load-- happy to toss it in.
算了
That's okay.
我该走了
Y-You know, I should get going.
你确定吗 妈妈的薄煎饼做得很好吃
You sure? Mom makes great pancakes.
我的确喜欢薄煎饼
I do like pancakes.
你能信吗
Can you believe it?
她给我做了早餐 洗了衣服
She made me breakfast and did my laundry.
第一次我约会回家后
First time in my life I came home from a date
衣服比离开时还干净
and my clothes were cleaner than when I left.
性♥爱♥怎么样
So, how was the sex?
还行吧
It's not bad.
但薄煎饼
But these pancakes...
我跟你们说 她放了些香草