I know, but I thought since I got sober,
我就要活得越来越广阔
my life's supposed to get bigger and bigger.
别
Don't.
知道吗 我不记得我上次
You know, I can't remember the last time
看纸质读物是什么时候了
I read something printed on paper.
-很奇怪 是吧 -是的
- It's weird, right? - Yeah.
我一直想放大 但没反应
I keep trying to make it bigger, but nothing happens.
我喜欢没网络的感觉
Well, I'm enjoying being unplugged.
没有脸书上的好友
No more friends on Facebook
用华丽的度假刺♥激♥我
rubbing my nose in their fancy vacations.
我知道
Oh, I know.
然后你就想开车去他们家
Then you think about driving to their house,
闯进去 偷走他们的所有东西
breaking in and stealing all their stuff.
不想吗
No?
不想
No.
马上回来
Ooh, be right back.
该死
Holy crap.
我去里诺时 是她偷了我的iPod
She's the one who stole my iPod when I went to Reno.
你好啊 贝弗莉
Oh, hey there, Beverly.
我的过道灯不闪之前 我不和你聊天
No chitchat till my hall light stops flickering.
包我身上
Consider it done.
既然我遇见你了 我需要为业主
Hey, while I got you, I need to update tenant information
-更新租客信息 -你想知道什么
- for the building owners. - What do you need?
和往常一样
Oh, the usual, you know.
你妈妈的婚前姓 你长大的街道名
Your mother's maiden name, street you grew up on,
第一个宠物名之类的
name of your first pet, stuff like that.
业主为什么要这个
Why would they need that?
他们为什么要两个月定金
Why do they need first and last month's rent?
我觉得都是扯淡
It's all nonsense to me.
我懂了
I get it.
你想破解我的WiFi密♥码♥
You're trying to crack my Wi-Fi password.
贝弗莉 你肯定是你们小学
Beverly, you were probably the funniest kid
最搞笑的孩子了吧 校名叫什么
in your elementary school, which was...?
好吧 你想这样玩吗
Fine. You want to play this game?
我妈妈的婚前姓是巴蒂斯塔
My mother's maiden name is Bautista;
我在前街长大
I grew up on Front Street,
我的猫叫捣蛋鬼
and my cat was named Rascal.
你还是猜不出密♥码♥的
You still won't figure it out.
拜托
Oh, come on.
贝弗莉 别疑神疑鬼了
Beverly, you're acting crazy.
巴蒂斯塔 前街 捣蛋鬼
Bautista, Front, Rascal, Bautista, Front, Rascal.
最后 作为一个变性母亲忽视的孩子
"In closing, as the neglected child of a transgender woman,
我觉得我能为爱达荷大学
"I think I can bring a unique perspective
带来独到的见解
to the University of Idaho."
这应该能让我脱颖而出
Ah, that ought to put me on top of the pile.
有空吗
Hey, you got a minute?
没空 但我们都知道你还是会进来
Not really, but we both know you're coming in anyway.
好 我遇见的那个男人
Okay. So, the guy I met,
他叫泰迪·布卢门撒尔
his name is Teddy Blumenthal,
但大家都叫他泰迪医生
but everybody calls him Dr. Ted
因为他是音乐界大佬
'cause he's a big deal in the music business
而且他在肥皂剧里演过医生
and he played a doctor on a soap opera once.
总之
Anyway,
他非常喜欢我的小样 他要请我飞去洛杉矶
he really liked my demo and he wants to fly me down to L.A.
-停 -怎么了
- Stop. - What?
坐下
Sit.
娜塔莎 我是最不想
Natasha, I'm the last person
戳破别人梦想的人
who wants to crush anybody's dreams,
但是这个泰迪医生 他不是你想的那样
but this "Dr. Ted" isn't who you think he is.
他很可能只是想睡你
Most likely he just wants to sleep with you.
不不 我专门问过他
No, no, I specifically asked him about that.
他说他不想
He said he didn't.
对 他们都会那样说
Yeah, they say that.
然后紧接着
Next thing you know,
他就在红辣椒餐厅的厕所里
he's got his hand down your pants
把手伸进了你的裤子里
in the bathroom at a Chili's.
你为什么就这么难相信
Why is it so hard for you
我是个优秀的创作歌♥手
to believe that I'm a good songwriter
而这个男人只是想帮我
and this guy just wants to help me?
因为男人不会平白无故帮女人
Because men don't just help women.
你没有看过《日界线》吗
Have you never watched Dateline?
NBC深度报道节目 聚焦犯罪/娱乐等新闻
我应该早知道你会这样
I should've known you were gonna be like this.
你不希望别人成功 因为你过得很悲惨
You don't want anybody to succeed 'cause your life sucks.
我还剩一步就能进
I am one step away from getting into law school
尤卡坦半岛大学法学院了
at the University of the Yucatán Peninsula.
如果你不想听我的真实意见
And if you didn't want my honest opinion,
那你还为什么来
why'd you come over here?
因为我很害怕 我以为我的朋友和互助对象
'Cause I'm terrified and I thought my friend and sponsor
会给我点支持
might give me a little support.
而且我要借个拖轮箱
And I need to borrow a roller bag.
是啊 我没有拖轮箱
Yeah, well, I don't have a roller bag.
你当然没有了 因为你哪都去不了
Of course you don't 'cause you ain't going nowhere.
天啊
Oh, God.
我为什么一直被魁梧高大的女人折磨
Why am I tormented by these giant women?
你在看什么呢
Hey, what are we watching?
《与星共舞》
Dancing with the Stars.
不错
Oh, good.
真希望他们能把窗帘开大点
Wish they could open their curtains a little more.
是谁在跳舞啊
Who is that dancing?
好像是格莱塔·范·苏斯泰瑞
I think it's Greta Van Susteren.
也许是欧文·威尔逊
Maybe Owen Wilson?
你觉得我对娜塔莎太严厉了吗
You think I'm being too hard on Natasha?
让我考虑一下 是的
Let me think about it. Yes.
我不是故意让她灰心的
I didn't mean to discourage her.
-我只是不想让她受伤 -我懂
- I just don't want her to get hurt. - I get it.
但你得记住
But you got to remember,
痛苦与受难才让人们变得有趣
pain and suffering is what makes people interesting.
好吧
Well...
-说到这个 -怎么了
- Speaking of which... - What?
吉尔在内曼·马库斯商场崩溃了
Jill is having a meltdown at Neiman Marcus.
瞧 那一切都很有趣
See? Everything about that's interesting.
我去拿钥匙
I'll get the keys.
谁能想到呢 不是格莱塔 也不是欧文
Hey, what do you know? It wasn't Greta or Owen.
是汉森乐队的那孩子
It was the kid from Hanson.
我们找我们的朋友 吉尔·肯德尔
Uh, we're looking for our friend, Jill Kendall.
她经常在这里购物
She shops here a lot.
很多女人都经常来这里购物
A lot of women shop here a lot.
胖姑娘 也许在哭
Big girl, might be weeping.
四号♥试衣间
Room four.
吉尔 你在吗
Jill, you in there?
是的
Yeah.
我们能进来吗
Can we come in?
好吧
Okay.
怎么了
What's going on?
我在这里购物20年了
I've been shopping here for 20 years,
现在什么都穿不上了
and now nothing fits.
也许你需要买♥♥更大的码
Well, maybe you just need a bigger size.
没有更大的码了
There are no bigger sizes.
就连袜子都有点紧
Even the socks are a little snug.
吉尔 我们可以带你去别的商店
Jill, there are other stores we could take you to.
塔吉特怎么样
Yeah, how about Target?
塔吉特
Target?
你为什么恨我
Why do you hate me?
我们不恨你 我们爱你
We don't hate you, we love you.
如果你们爱我 就会在我变成这鬼样子之前
If you loved me, you would've said something
说点什么的
before I turned into... this.
我们还以为你知道
We assumed you knew.
我们还以为你接受了
Yeah, and we thought you were okay with it.
你总是吹嘘
You were always bragging about
你泡到了多少帅哥
how you were picking up all these guys.