买♥♥单
Check, please.
天啊 吉尔不在 谁来付钱啊
Oh, God, Jill's not here. Who's gonna pay?
真厉害 你怎么做到的
Impressive. How'd you do that?
我不想承认 但温蒂教了我一些技巧
I hate to admit it, but Wendy showed me some tricks.
你看起来很难过
You look sad.
的确如此
I kind of am.
瞧 你很痛苦 现在我感兴趣了
See? You're in pain, and now I'm interested.
怎么了
What's going on?
我感觉申请斯坦福大学是个大错误
I feel like applying to Stanford was a huge mistake.
为什么
Why?
现在我会担心几个月 等着看我是否被录取了
Now I'll be tortured for months waiting to find out if I got in.
如果我没被录取 我会心碎的
If I didn't, I'll be crushed.
如果我被录取了 天啊
And if I did, holy crap.
我得去上斯坦福大学了
I'll have to go to Stanford.
我们能暂停一会儿 将你今天的生活
Can... can we pause a second and compare your life today
与五年前进行对比吗
to where you were five years ago?
过去 你最大的问题是
Your biggest problem used to be
如何对一个胖子跳令他满意的大腿舞
how to give a satisfying lap dance to a fat guy.
现在 你在担心
And now, you know, here you are worried about
是否能上国内最棒的大学之一
getting into one of the best schools in the country.
你说得对
You're right.
瞧瞧我的高级问题
Look at me with my classy problems.
不管发生了什么 我都很骄傲你申请了
Whatever happens, I'm just proud of you for applying.
谢谢你 妈妈
Thanks, Mom.
怎么了
What?
没什么
Nothing.
只是你上斯坦福大学
Just you going to Stanford.
很搞笑
It's funny.
既然你这么大胆 干嘛不也申请哈佛呢
Hey, why don't you apply to Harvard while you're at it?
我能看看你的冰淇淋吗
Oh, uh, hey, could I see that for a second?
谢谢
Yeah. Thanks.
看起来你需要胶带啊
Looks like a job for duct tape!