极品老妈第五季第七集

Mom S05E07

Part1

2020年1月3日 21:57

某人闻起来很香
Mmm, somebody smells nice. Ah.
我假装要买♥♥化妆品
I pretended to buy makeup
这样能在梅西百货偷样品香水
so I could swipe perfume samples at Macy's.
看起来天气预报是多云
Looks like the forecast is cloudy
并有可能亲热
with a chance of doing it.
你们能去别的地方聊
Can you guys go somewhere else
克丽丝蒂和我弟弟亲热的事吗
to talk about Christy banging my brother?
没人会亲热的
No one's banging anyone.
我们决定先了解对方
We decided to get to know each other first.
不好意思但做♥爱♥
I'm sorry, but having sex
是了解对方的敲门砖
is how you get to know each other.
如果我能把电视搬到厨房♥ 我会的
If I could carry the TV into the kitchen, I would.
我只想说
All I'm saying is
等待是存在真风险的克丽丝蒂
there's a real danger in waiting, Christy.
你也许会对帕特里克动真感情
You could develop serious feelings for Patrick
然后才发现他下面是歪的
and then find out he's got a crooked unit.
那对我来说不重要
Well, that wouldn't matter to me.
好吧
Ugh. All right.
已经太迟了
It's already too late.
帮帮我们亚当
Help us out here, Adam.
你们是一起长大的
You guys grew up together.
洗澡裸泳
Bathing, skinny-dipping--
泳裤那块有没有什么古怪或不正常
is there anything exotic or unorthodox in the swimsuit area?
即使我现在暴毙我也不会介意
If death took me right now, I would not hate it.
我们要去哪
So, where are we going?
克丽丝蒂你也许注意到了
Well, Christy, as you may have gleaned,
我是个爱定计划的人
I am something of a planner.
所以我在两家同样好的餐厅
So I made two dinner reservations
都订了晚餐座位你可以选择
at equally fine restaurants, and you get to pick.
你订了座位
Wow. You made reservations,
你没结婚你没穿工装短裤
you're not married, you're not wearing cargo shorts.
我有点头晕了
I'm getting a little dizzy.
在你晕倒之前以下是你的选择
Well, before you pass out, here are your choices.
以上等肋排出名的牛排屋
Steak house known for their prime rib,
以龙虾出名的海鲜餐厅
seafood place known for their lobster.
牛排屋
Steak house.
我害怕龙虾
Lobster freaks me out.
那是只巨大的海虫我才不会吃的
It's a giant sea bug and I'm not having it.
对吧
Right?
有时候他们让你自己选龙虾
Sometimes they make you pick out your own.
我不想决定谁死
I don't want to decide which one dies.
我凭什么当龙虾上帝
Who made me lobster god?
说到巨大海虫我妈妈来电了
Ugh. Speaking of giant sea bugs, it's my mom.
看好了这是我在这世界上最爱的事
Watch. This is my most favorite thing in the world.
忽略
Ignore.
真的吗最爱的事
Really? Most favorite?
我最爱的是水上滑梯
Mine's water slides.
看在上帝的分上妈妈
Oh, for God's sake, Mom.
抱歉我最好接一下
Sorry, I better take this.
你知道我在约会你为什么打电♥话♥
I'm on a date, which you know. Why are you calling?
好的
Oh, okay.
我马上到
I'll be right there.
对不起
I'm sorry.
只能改天了
I'm gonna need a rain check.
我朋友玛乔丽的丈夫中风了
My friend Marjorie's husband had a stroke.
极品老妈第五季第七集
他在走廊突然倒了
He just collapsed right there in the hall.
你立刻把他送到了医院
Well, you got him to the hospital right away.
这永远是最重要的事
That's always the most important thing.
对那是最重要的事
Yes. That's the important thing.
还有人身保险
That and life insurance.
妈妈
Mom.
他现在拿不到保金
He can't get coverage now.
过来说句话
A word.
我们马上回来
We'll be right back.
你有什么毛病
What is wrong with you?
什么这是很合理的问题
What? That's a legitimate question.
你最近看过棺材的价格吗
Have you priced a casket lately?
你看过吗
Have you?
看过你有次不是咳嗽停不了吗
Yeah, when you had that cough that wouldn't go away.
好吧从现在开始
Okay, from now on,
如果你想说什么话别说
if you have the urge to say something, don't.
所以我只能坐在那里吗
So I'm just supposed to sit there?
不试着帮帮忙
No. Try to be helpful.
给她端杯茶什么的
Offer her a cup of tea or something. Ugh.
我会试试的但我对
I'll try, but I know a thing or two
冻死人头有所了解所以如果有机会
about freezing a dead guy's head, so if there's a lull,
我会提起来的
I might bring it up.
温蒂他怎么样了
Wendy, how is he?
他动完手术了情况稳定
He's out of surgery and stable.
谢天谢地
Oh, thank God.
这是好消息
Oh, that's great news.
稳定是好事
Stable is good.
我能看他吗
Can I see him?
几个小时后把他转到重症监护室就行
In a few hours when we move him to ICU.
所以我猜维克托想说的是
Oh, so I guess what Victor's saying is,
几小时后见哦[谐音]
"I-C-U in a few hours."
你想喝茶吗
Would you like some tea?
爆米花给我
Mmm, pass me the popcorn.
你吃光了
You ate it all.
你为什么给我一个空碗
Why would you hand me an empty bowl?
因为我想让你知道我吃光了
'Cause I wanted you to know that I ate it all.
那我的回应是
Well, to that I say,
你为什么打自己
why are you hitting yourself,
你为什么打自己
why are you hitting yourself, huh? Ow.
住手
Quit it!
真是...
What a...
那我们该做什么
So, what are we supposed to do?
熬一整夜吗计划是什么
Stay up all night? What's the plan?
-计划吗 -是的
- Plan? - Yeah.
兄弟这里是普兰科特村
Dude, you're in Plunkettville.
不存在计划
There are no plans.
那是什么意思
What does that mean?
你约会有进攻性的戒瘾女人时是这样的
This is how it works when you date an aggressively sober woman.
她们有很多问题多多的朋友
They have a lot of friends with a lot of problems
她们任何事都一起去
and they show up for everything together.
当遇到危机时
When there's a crisis,
她们会在乌云中点亮互助会标志
they shine the AA signal on a cloud.
然后她们会消失几个小时
And then they're gone for hours.
所以她们就像弱点是金酒的超级英雄吗
So they're like superheroes with a weakness for gin?
差不多
Pretty much.
互助会是邦妮和克丽丝蒂的全部生活
AA is kind of Bonnie and Christy's whole life,
但我找到了钻空子的办法
but I found a way to work around it.
我让邦妮周一晚周四晚和周日晚
I got Bonnie to do her meetings on Monday night,
去参加互助会
Thursday night and Sunday night.
你找到了看黄金时段橄榄球的方法
You-you found a way to watch prime-time football
还搞得像为她做了好事一样
and make it look like a favor.
我跟我在运动酒吧的朋友们说了这事
I told my buddies at the sports bar.
他们想给我造个神龛
They're thinking of building me a shrine.
那是你应得的
You deserve one.
而且我总是有代驾司机
Yeah, and I always have a designated driver,
但我不应该为此太开心
but I'm not supposed to be too happy about it
不然就危险了
or it's a red flag.
邦妮
Ah, Bonnie.
她说维克托稳定了
She says that Victor's stable,
但她们会与玛乔丽一起
but that they're gonna spend the night
在医院过夜
in the hospital with Marjorie.
也许我应该去那里
Oh, well, maybe I should go over there
给克丽丝蒂带点换洗衣物
and bring Christy a change of clothes.
不不不不行
Oh, no, no, no. No way.
为什么