大家好 我是克丽丝蒂 酒瘾者
Hi. Christy, alcoholic.
I can't help thinking
where I was Christmas five years ago.
I mean, I-I've really thought about it and...
I literally don't know where I was.
But if any of you were there, maybe you could help me
piece it together or my deepest apology,
whichever applies. Thanks.
大家好 我是玛乔丽 我是酒瘾者
Hi, I'm Marjorie and I'm an alcoholic.
This is a difficult holiday with Victor being sick,
I know I need to focus on him,
so I'm sad to say
that I won't be able to host my annual Christmas cookie party.
Aw. u202dOf course I'm disappointed...
Good thing we're in a meeting so we can manage our grief.
-嘘 -对啊 嘘
- Shh. - u202dYeah, shh.
I love this meeting.
You ladies have really carried me through the last few weeks,
so to show my gratitude, next week
I am bringing my famous nutty fruit log.
Would anyone else like to share?
-我是玛丽 酒瘾者 -我是玛丽
- Mary, alcoholic. - Hi, Mary.
I'm afraid Mary isn't very merry this year.
It was recently brought to my attention
that my holiday letter was a bit of a bummer.
- I don't think we got one. - u202dWe did.
That's why the table doesn't wobble anymore.
I understand telling everyone that my daughter was in jail,
that my brother got evicted, and that my pink eye came back,
was not exactly holiday cheer, but it is what happened,
and I did make it rhyme.
Thanks for letting me share.
I know you all care.
Okay. Okay, my turn.
Everybody always shares about how hard it is
around the Christmas holiday.
And to them I say, ba-bam!
That's all I got.
Look what happy people do for the holidays.
Please. They're obviously overcompensating.
You see Christmas cheer, I see a miserable couple
on the brink of divorce.
You get all that from the front door?
And I read their mail.
Did you leave the light on?
Oh, my God, we've been robbed.
We don't have anything.
Oh, damn it, I left my watch on the nightstand.
-那是你吗 -不 我在后面
- Was that you? - No. I was in back.
Oh, my God! That means they were still in here.
Get out, get out, get out!
That means they're out here now.
Get in, get in, get in!
Looks like he got in through the bedroom window.
He? It could've been a woman.
You might want to get that window fixed.
I'll tell the building manager.
I'm sure she'll get to it in a few months.
Is now really the time?
Here is a list of the missing items.
Is there any chance you're gonna find our stuff?
You want hope or the truth?
I've never had either. I just want my laptop.
-谢谢 警官 -没事
- Thanks, officers. - Yeah.
I don't get the feeling we're the cold case
those two are gonna carry to their graves.
I had a term paper on that computer
and it's my entire grade.
Did you back it up?
If I had backed it up, would I be freaking out right now?
Maybe. You run pretty hot.
Now I'm gonna fail that class, and then I won't graduate,
and then I won't get into law school
and all this hard work will have been for nothing,
and I might as well just stick my head in the oven.
Well, if that's the plan, kitchen's over there.
You're not gonna talk me down?
Excuse me, but there are two victims here.
That worthless punk stole my watch.
Here it is.
Hmm. Looks like they didn't touch Roscoe's stuff.
Baseball cards, paintball gun.
Hey, maybe we should consider getting a real gun.
Are you serious?
是的 我们是成年人 我们有分寸...
Yeah, we're adults. We know what to...
I'm sorry. It was an accident.
It was not an accident!
Oh, come on, why would I shoot you?
Why wouldn't you shoot me?
Go get a towel.
Still want to get a real gun?
Are you planning on sleeping with the lights on?
I don't plan on sleeping at all.
It just creeps me out some stranger was in our home.
I mean, for all we know, he could have come up here
and rubbed his ugly naked butt on your pillow.
Why would you say that?
Oh, come on, we're both thinkin' it.
No, I really wasn't.
You are now.
What was that?
Sounds like the water heater.
How could it be the water heater?
The water heater doesn't work.
Maybe the burglar broke in and he's fixing it.
Well, at least somebody is.
I told you, it's on my list.
-我在等零件 -我在等零件 我确实在等
- I'm waiting for parts. - I'm waiting for parts. Well, I am.
Just turn off the light and go to bed.
I broke into a house once.
I needed money for drugs.
I cased a couple of houses.
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