I saw one where the mail was stacked up.
I went around back and broke a window.
That's a straight-up felony.
Only if you get caught.
It was the one time I really,
you know, crossed the line.
The one time?
I mean, I did what normal people do.
You know, go to a party, raid the medicine cabinet,
rifle through the jackets on the bed,
take an outfit out of the closet, wear it home.
Who does that?
You might not want to hear this,
but that's what you were doing Christmas five years ago.
I can't believe you broke into somebody's house.
Me neither. God...
I never thought about what I put those people through until now.
Just curious, what'd you steal?
现金 珠宝 肾上腺素针
Mmm. Cash, jewelry, an EpiPen.
I hope the kid didn't eat peanuts the next day.
That's what those are for?
Oh. It just made me run fast.
I'm sorry you went through that.
Yeah. I'm still pretty shaken up.
You should get a dog.
My mom's barely housebroken.
How about a cat?
A security cat?
Mine freak out when a stranger comes to the door.
You should see my mailman's ankles.
Well, I did put up some cheap webcams.
Check it out.
Living room... kitchen. u202dMm-hmm.
Yep. There's Bonnie.
Look at her.
I live with Homer Simpson.
Wait, why is she going through my laundry?
Better question, why is she taking off her sweatpants?
That's my underwear.
She's putting on my underwear.
Oh, my God. That's why all my thongs are stretched out.
Strange butts in my underwear,
strange butts on my pillow.
Will this nightmare never end?
-克丽丝蒂 我好像找到你的笔记本了 -什么
- Christy, I think I found your laptop. - What?
Someone just posted it on craigslist,
and it has that lame "Follow your dreams" Sticker on it.
Oh, my God. This is it.
How did you know to look there?
A lot of people sell stolen stuff online.
Or so I've heard.
Unbelievable. They want $300 for it.
The "Z" doesn't even work.
You wrote an entire term paper without a "Z"?
No. That's astonishing,
incredible or jaw-dropping.
Why so squirmy?
It's almost like your underwear is the wrong size.
What's it to you?
I saw you take mine on the spycam.
That is such a violation of my privacy.
You can't say that in my panties.
I hate to interrupt,
but I think that's the building.
Are you sure this is a good idea?
What? Four middle-aged women waltzing into a crime scene?
What are we supposed to do?
The cops won't even return my phone calls.
Well, in their defense, you left super long messages.
Well, screw them.
I'm gonna go get my laptop back.
I'm not sure-- this is a pretty dicey part of town.
Oh, come on. We've all been in worse neighborhoods
than this to buy drugs.
Or to sell drugs.
Or just hoping to meet someone.
Come on, ladies, let's hit the bricks!
Why is no one hittin' the bricks?
I have a diamond ring to protect now.
But your kid, your kid you can lose?
I'm sorry, what?
Did this guy sound dangerous on the phone?
We only e-mailed,
just the time and place.
Okay, someone's got to go in first.
Who's the most expendable?
Are you all staring at me so I'll say Wendy?
Just knock. u202d
What if he lured us here so he can rob us again?
Well, you wanted to meet somebody.
Oh, hello, girls.
What are you all doing here?
*God rest ye merry gentlemen*
*Let nothing you dismay*
*Remember Christ our Savior*
*Was born on Christmas Day...*
*Two turtle doves, and a partridge in a pear tree.*
What a treat!
Oh, thank you for coming and bringing some Christmas cheer.
How about if I make us all a cup of hot cocoa?
That'd be great, Mare.
That bitch stole our stuff.
This doesn't make any sense-- it couldn't have been her.
Is it just me, or did we sound really good caroling?
Will you focus?
We're dealing with a criminal mastermind.
Tiny marshmallows all around?
-好啊 -玛丽 等等
- Lovely. - Mary, wait a minute.
Actually, we're here because of a very strange situation.
Christy and Bonnie got robbed.
Is there anything I can do to help?
Actually, there might be.
We tracked down my stolen laptop to this address.
I don't understand.
-你把抢走的东西♥藏♥哪儿了 老太婆 -妈妈
- Where you hiding the loot, old woman? u202d- Mom.
I'm sorry, did you want to be bad cop?
Of course we don't think it's you.
Uh... does anyone else live here?
Oh, just my grandson, Todd.
On Law & Order,
this is when we would exchange a knowing look.
Oh, no, not my Todd.
He's always been a good boy.
I'm sure he has. Can some of us comfort you