希望你不会看不起我
I hope you don't think less of me.
克丽丝蒂 你的生活我管不着 但我得告诉你
Christy, your life is your life, but I got to tell you,
你这样撒谎 偷偷摸摸的
all this lying and sneaking around,
不像是你
it doesn't sound like you.
更像你妈妈
Sounds more like your mom.
天啊 这是你说的最可怕的话
Oh, my God, that's the worst thing you could say.
抱歉 我只是说你比她要好
I'm sorry. I just mean you're better than she is.
她知道 我跟她说过
She knows. I told her.
那么
So...
这个不是我弟弟的男人是谁
who is this guy who's not my brother?
学校的同学
Just someone from school.
本该只是炮♥友♥的
It was supposed to be casual.
我打算当个渣男
My attempt at being a dude.
然后他搞砸了这一切 因为他对我有了感情
But then he went and screwed it up by having feelings for me.
等等 你定了基本规则吗
Hold on. Did you set up the ground rules?
没有 我就以为我们想法一致
No, I just assumed we were on the same page.
低级错误
Ooh, rookie mistake.
如果你要表现得像是个渣男
Listen, if you're gonna act like a dude,
你就得定规则
you got to set up the rules.
你得说这种话 我不想谈恋爱
You got to say things like "I'm not looking for a relationship,
我不适合谈恋爱
"I'm not built for a relationship,
我不是谈恋爱的那种人 那种鬼话
I'm not a relationship kind of guy," That type of nonsense.
你说得对
Oh, you're right.
男人的确这么说
Guys do say that.
我想我从来都没听到过 因为那时候
Guess I never really heard it because at that point
我总是在想 我可以改变你
I'm always thinking, "I can change you,
我可以改变你 我可以改变你
I can change you, I can change you."
女人什么时候才会学到 她们无法改变男人
When will women learn they can't change men?
说这话的人给我妈妈戴上了戒指
Says the man who put a ring on my mom's finger
现在都听阿黛尔的歌♥了
and now listens to Adele.
王八蛋
Son of a bitch.
好吧 这怎么样
Okay, how does this sound?
亲爱的库珀
"Dear Cooper..."
不好
Bad.
就是条短♥信♥ 不是军营里写的信
It's a text, not a letter from camp.
什么都没发
Don't send anything.
但我需要他原谅我
But I need him to forgive me.
你道歉了多少次
How many times have you apologized?
四次
Four...
十四次
teen.
你试过送水果吗
Did you try an Edible Arrangement?
她在为"睡过"而道歉
She's apologizing for an "Edible arrangement."
你们真是浪费了老娘的段子
I am wasted on all of you.
太可怕了
It's horrible.
我没法吃东西 睡不着
I can't eat, can't sleep.
这就是我担心的
This is what I was worried about.
你产生了感情
You developed feelings.
我懂了
Oh, I get it.
睡过啊
"Edible."
是库珀产生了愚蠢的感情
Cooper developed the stupid feelings.
我是渣男啊
I was the dude.
如果你真是渣男 你就不会在乎
If you were really the dude, you wouldn't care.
你会开着摩托车
You would ride off on your motorcycle
去打台球 也许去射杀熊
and go shoot pool, maybe a bear.
我拒绝听她说话
I'm not even listening to her anymore.
亲爱的 你得接受这一事实
Honey, you're just gonna have to live with the fact
有人不喜欢你
that there's somebody out there who doesn't like you.
不喜欢你 他恨死她了
"Doesn't like you"? He hates her guts.
顺便说一句 不止他一个
And FYI, he's not alone.
我只是说
I'm just saying
你继续伤害他只为了让自己心里好受
that it's not fair for you to continue hurting him
这样不公平
just to make yourself feel better.
她真明智
She's so wise.
但她觉得紫色丝绒运动服
And yet she thought a purple velour tracksuit
是个好主意
was a good idea.
好吧
Fine.
我不烦库珀了
I'll leave Cooper alone.
很好
Good.
还有谁恨我啊
Now, who else hates me?
周四晚互助会的格雷格
Greg at the Thursday night meeting.
格雷格是谁
Who's Greg?
你总是叫他斯考特
The guy you always call Scott.
天啊 斯考特恨我吗
Oh, my God, Scott hates me?
天啊 你什么时候毕业啊
Oh, God, when do you graduate?
我知道我已经道歉了
Look, I know I already said I was sorry,
但我只是想告诉你我真的很抱歉
but I just need you to know that I'm really, really sorry.
我只是不懂 克丽丝蒂
I just don't get it, Christy.
如果有第三者那就是另一回事了
I mean, it would be one thing if there was another guy.
有的
Ooh, there is!
绝对有第三者
There's totally another guy.
那有所慰藉吗
Does that help?
没我希望的多
Not as much as I hoped.
我的意思是 如果我能见到他
What I mean is if I was able to actually see him,
我就不会需要你了
I wouldn't have needed you.
哎呀 说出来有些无情
Oops, that came out a little harsh.
你说的每句话都有些无情
Everything you say comes out a little harsh.
我的意思是 我们是异地恋
I just mean that it's a long-distance thing,
我很沮丧 因为那很复杂
and I was frustrated because it was so complicated
而你又那么容易搞定
and you were so easy.
你的道歉让我想自杀
Your apology is making me want to kill myself.
我不想那样
That's not what I want.
那你想怎么样
Okay, then what do you want?
我大概想和另一个人在一起
I guess I want to be with the other guy.
那就去吧
Then go.
好吧 也许你会觉得这话慰藉
"Okay. Well, perhaps you will take comfort
我会比你先死
"In the fact that I will die long before you.
再见
Au revoir."
玛乔丽说适度是关键
Marjorie said moderation is key,
所以我每天就喝一杯咖啡
so I'm just gonna have one cup of coffee a day.
我能忍♥受
I can live with that.
你肯定是个搞笑的酒鬼
You must have been a fun drunk.
我有几个忠心的狂热信徒追随
I had a small but fervent cult following.
克丽丝蒂开车去圣克鲁兹见帕特里克了
Wow. Christy's driving down to Santa Cruz to see Patrick.
她说要么修复感情 要么心碎
She said she's either gonna make it work or get her heart broken.
难以置信她这么爱我弟弟
I can't believe she's that crazy about my brother.
他可是个傻子
He's kind of a tool.
我们能拥有彼此真是太幸运了
We are so lucky to have each other.
是啊 你永远不用
Yeah, we are. And, hey, you don't ever
担心我出轨
have to worry about me cheating on you.
我没担心 但你继续说
I wasn't, but go on.
同时谈几个女友
I mean, juggling girlfriends,
努力记住你跟谁撒过什么谎 偷偷摸摸
trying to remember which lie you told who, sneaking around.
跟你在一起麻烦少多了
Being with you is so much less trouble.
瞧瞧你 已经在写婚誓了
Look at you, writing your vows already.
不 你明白我的意思
No, no, you know what I meant.
是的 你知道如果你敢出轨
I do. And you know if you ever did cheat on me,
我就把你轮椅的轮子卸下来
I would take the wheels off your chair
把你丢在森林里
and leave you in the woods.
我知道
I do.
克丽丝蒂在路上疾驰 风吹拂着她的头发
It's just kind of wonderful that Christy is racing down the highway
这一切都是为了爱 这真是太棒了
wind in her hair, all in the name of love.
*我十分激动*
*I'm so excited*
*无法掩饰*
*And I just can't hide it*
*我知道我想要你 想要你*
*And I know, I know, I know, I know I know I want you, want you*