I hope you don't think less of me.
克丽丝蒂 你的生活我管不着 但我得告诉你
Christy, your life is your life, but I got to tell you,
all this lying and sneaking around,
it doesn't sound like you.
Sounds more like your mom.
Oh, my God, that's the worst thing you could say.
I'm sorry. I just mean you're better than she is.
She knows. I told her.
who is this guy who's not my brother?
Just someone from school.
It was supposed to be casual.
My attempt at being a dude.
But then he went and screwed it up by having feelings for me.
Hold on. Did you set up the ground rules?
No, I just assumed we were on the same page.
Ooh, rookie mistake.
Listen, if you're gonna act like a dude,
you got to set up the rules.
You got to say things like "I'm not looking for a relationship,
"I'm not built for a relationship,
I'm not a relationship kind of guy," That type of nonsense.
Oh, you're right.
Guys do say that.
Guess I never really heard it because at that point
I'm always thinking, "I can change you,
I can change you, I can change you."
When will women learn they can't change men?
Says the man who put a ring on my mom's finger
and now listens to Adele.
Son of a bitch.
Okay, how does this sound?
It's a text, not a letter from camp.
Don't send anything.
But I need him to forgive me.
How many times have you apologized?
Did you try an Edible Arrangement?
She's apologizing for an "Edible arrangement."
I am wasted on all of you.
I can't eat, can't sleep.
This is what I was worried about.
You developed feelings.
Oh, I get it.
Cooper developed the stupid feelings.
I was the dude.
If you were really the dude, you wouldn't care.
You would ride off on your motorcycle
and go shoot pool, maybe a bear.
I'm not even listening to her anymore.
Honey, you're just gonna have to live with the fact
that there's somebody out there who doesn't like you.
"Doesn't like you"? He hates her guts.
And FYI, he's not alone.
I'm just saying
that it's not fair for you to continue hurting him
just to make yourself feel better.
She's so wise.
And yet she thought a purple velour tracksuit
was a good idea.
I'll leave Cooper alone.
Now, who else hates me?
Greg at the Thursday night meeting.
The guy you always call Scott.
Oh, my God, Scott hates me?
Oh, God, when do you graduate?
Look, I know I already said I was sorry,
but I just need you to know that I'm really, really sorry.
I just don't get it, Christy.
I mean, it would be one thing if there was another guy.
Ooh, there is!
There's totally another guy.
Does that help?
Not as much as I hoped.
What I mean is if I was able to actually see him,
I wouldn't have needed you.
Oops, that came out a little harsh.
Everything you say comes out a little harsh.
I just mean that it's a long-distance thing,
and I was frustrated because it was so complicated
and you were so easy.
Your apology is making me want to kill myself.
That's not what I want.
Okay, then what do you want?
I guess I want to be with the other guy.
"Okay. Well, perhaps you will take comfort
"In the fact that I will die long before you.
Marjorie said moderation is key,
so I'm just gonna have one cup of coffee a day.
I can live with that.
You must have been a fun drunk.
I had a small but fervent cult following.
Wow. Christy's driving down to Santa Cruz to see Patrick.
She said she's either gonna make it work or get her heart broken.
I can't believe she's that crazy about my brother.
He's kind of a tool.
We are so lucky to have each other.
Yeah, we are. And, hey, you don't ever
have to worry about me cheating on you.
I wasn't, but go on.
I mean, juggling girlfriends,
trying to remember which lie you told who, sneaking around.
Being with you is so much less trouble.
Look at you, writing your vows already.
No, no, you know what I meant.
I do. And you know if you ever did cheat on me,
I would take the wheels off your chair
and leave you in the woods.
It's just kind of wonderful that Christy is racing down the highway
wind in her hair, all in the name of love.
*I'm so excited*
*And I just can't hide it*
*And I know, I know, I know, I know I know I want you, want you*