Wait, not since he got married.
这故事可不怎么好
You know, this story's not getting better.
好吧 听着
Okay, look,
我保证我不会说出来
I promised I wouldn't say anything,
但其实是你哥哥给我的钱
but I got the money from your brother.
什么
What?
别小题大做好吗
Let's not make it a thing, okay?
当然不会
Yeah. Of course not.
你好大的胆子 敢借我女朋友钱
Where do you get off loaning my girlfriend money?
你做了什么
You did what?!
-我还以为那没什么 -保密工作做得真好
- I thought it wasn't a thing! - Nice job keeping a secret!
我必须告诉他 他以为我和我前夫睡了
I had to tell him; he thought I was sleeping with my ex.
你又跟巴克斯特睡了吗
You're sleeping with Baxter again?
没有
No!
真的没有
No!
好 我们解决这事
All right, we're cleaning this up.
你借了他多少钱 因为我现在
How much did you loan her? 'Cause I'm giving it back
就还你 加上利息
to you right now with interest.
-别收他的钱 -我不收他的钱
- No, do not take his money. - Oh, I'm not taking his money.
-反正有人收我的钱 -我们需要个新冰箱
- Well, somebody's taking my money. - We could use a new fridge.
没问题 空白支票 给你
Consider it done. Blank check, there you go.
你借了我女友钱
You lend my girlfriend money,
我也借了你女友钱
I lend your girlfriend money.
感觉怎么样
How's that feel?
挺好的 我终于可以喝冰啤酒了
Great. Finally my beer will be cold.
帕特里克 你不能给我妈妈钱
Patrick, you cannot give money to my mom.
特别是空白支票
Especially a blank check.
等太阳落山 她就会戴上黑色假发 拥有新指纹
She'll have a black wig and new fingerprints by sundown.
你女人有了麻烦 我解决了
Look, your woman had a problem, I solved it.
别觉得受到了很大的威胁
Don't get all threatened.
-他的女人 -去你的
- His woman? - Screw you.
去你的
Screw you!
去你俩的
Screw both of you!
打扰一下 我想我得坐下来一会儿
Excuse... excuse me. I think I need to sit down for a minute.
-你没事吧 -没事 只是大家都在吵架
- You okay? - Yeah, it's just everybody's fighting,
没人生我的气
and nobody's mad at me.
我不知道自己该做什么
I-I don't know what I'm supposed to do.
-巴克斯特 -嘿
- Hey, Baxter. - Hey.
-抱歉打扰你吃午餐了 -没事
- Sorry to interrupt your lunch. - Don't be.
坎迪斯给我做了羽衣甘蓝三文鱼卷
Candace made me a kale and salmon wrap.
她骗了我 因为这看起来像是玉米煎饼
She fooled me 'cause it looked like a burrito.
多谢你收回车
Thanks for taking the car back.
我只开了十英里
I only put ten miles on it,
但那是我这辈子最愉快的十英里
but they were the happiest ten miles of my life.
再见 可爱的银色轿车
Ugh. Good-bye, sweet silver sedan.
拿着吧
Take it.
把创可贴扯了
Rip the Band-Aid off.
克丽丝蒂 车子我不收回
Christy, I'm not taking the car back.
难以置信
Unbelievable.
你保证过
You promised.
你是我见过的最自私
You are the most selfish,
最不靠谱的人
unreliable person I've ever met,
包括我妈妈
and that includes my mother.
你为什么在笑
And why the hell are you smiling?!
因为你一会儿就会内疚
'Cause you're gonna feel so terrible in a second.
什么意思
What does that mean?
那辆车我给你买♥♥下了
I'm buying you the car.
什么
What?
我们总是专注于你对我做过的坏事
Look, we always focus on the bad stuff you did to me,
但我也对你做了许多坏事
but I did a lot of bad things to you.
我会连续消失很多天
I would disappear for days on end,
我抽了你的大♥麻♥ 睡了你的朋友们
I smoked your weed, I slept with your friends.
朋友们 我还以为只有一个
Friends? I thought it was one.
睡了一个朋友六次 睡了六个朋友一次
One friend six times, six friends one time.
重点是
The point is...
多年来 我看着你
over the years, I've watched you
弥补了你做过的所有错事
make up for all the bad stuff you did wrong,
我觉得这很鼓舞我
and I found it really inspiring.
所以这是我对你的改正
So, this is me making an amendment to you.
其实该说补偿
It's actually called an amends.
大姐 我都送你一辆车了 别纠结了
Dude, I'm giving you a free car. Get off my ass.
你说得对 抱歉
You're right. I'm sorry.
但是你为我花钱
But isn't Candace going to be upset
坎迪斯不会生气吗
about you spending money on me?
她不会知道的
Eh, she'll never know.
我弄了个开始新生活的秘密基金
I had a secret start-a-new-life fund,
然后我意识到 我在逗谁呢
but then I realized, who am I kidding?
金钱把我变成了家猫
Money's turned me into a house cat.
谢谢你 巴克斯特
Thank you, Baxter.
等等
Wait.
你这样做
You're not doing this
不是为了和我上♥床♥ 对吧
so you can sleep with me, are you?
克丽丝蒂 我都结婚了
Christy, I'm married.
除非你坚持
So only if you insist.
-算了 -行
- I'm good. - Cool, cool.
巴克斯特对我也挺混♥蛋♥的
You know, Baxter was kind of a dick to me, too.
你觉得他也会送我辆车吗
You think I can get a car?
也许你可以更换机油
Maybe you can get an oil change,
就跟我行驶了2981英里后要做的事一样
like the one I'm getting in, uh, 2,981 miles.
等等 格兰诺拉燕麦卷
Whoa, whoa. A granola bar?
你干嘛不在车上锯木头
Why don't you just saw a piece of wood in here?
看来这个熟透了的桃子我也不能吃了
So I guess it's a no on this incredibly ripe peach?
你要怎么和帕特里克说车的事
How are you gonna tell Patrick about the car?
我跟他一起去车店见巴克斯特
Mm. I ran him by the dealership to meet Baxter,
而他在一个大轮胎后躲着他老板呢
who was hiding from his boss in a large tire.
帕特里克不再觉得受到了威胁
Patrick's no longer threatened.
干得漂亮
Well played.
王八蛋
Son of a bitch!
我现在可以吃桃子了吗
Can I eat my peach now?