Hi. My name is Christy. I'm an alcoholic.
that's all I got.
I think there's more.
我的计划是当律师 你们支持了我 并且说
The plan was to be a lawyer, and you guys supported me and said,
去追梦吧 克丽丝蒂 你能做到
"Oh, go for it, Christy. You can do it."
Turns out every law school I applied to disagrees.
And I can't tell you how mean it was
of all you people to make me believe in myself.
I don't know how you sleep at night.
So, thanks a lot.
Anyway, for all of you who say,
"Oh, sobriety's full of miracles..."
抱歉 我应该以正能量结尾 所以
Sorry. I should end on a positive note, so...
Hi. Jill, alcoholic.
Well, transitioning back to the real world has been really tough.
Eating healthy was so easy at the wellness retreat.
I mean, carbs weren't allowed on the premises,
and I had a inner strength coach on call 24 hours a day.
It's just not the same
FaceTiming her from the frozen dessert aisle
with a Sara Lee strudel in my trembling hand.
I mean, temptation's all around me.
Every time I open Google Maps, it reminds me that I live
three-eighths of a mile from a Perkins Pancake House.
And they're open all night.
You know, during those dark hours when you can't stop your thoughts.
Like right now.
Wait, you all hear that ice cream truck, too, right?
Hey, look at that.
A spot right in front.
That's what you get for praying to the parking gods.
The only god you believe in.
Not true. I also believe in the lotto god.
Son of a bitch!
Little guy, big motorcycle.
Hey, buddy, we were here first.
You were here first.
You had an opportunity, but you didn't take it.
Check it out, this Muppet thinks I'm teachable.
Miranda, you're here!
You know her?
She's my inner strength coach from the retreat.
Well, she's a dick.
Oh, you must be Bonnie.
Many people have heard of me; you're not special.
Thank you so much for coming.
When one of my little lost bunnies calls me, I'm here.
I'd like to stay and mock whatever this is,
but we still got to park.
Ah. Try around the corner. I'll save you a seat.
邦妮 记住 看到车位就停进去
Hey, Bonnie, remember, see the space, take the space.
Hey, see my foot, watch your ass.
Oh, my God, just having you here, I feel safer.
I think the donut dreams are finally gonna stop.
Jill, the only person that can make you feel safe is you.
What about a fireman?
They always make me feel safe.
Except when you fool around with one of them in the supply closet
and the next time they bring in a burn victim,
it's all, "Do I know you?"
And how does that make you feel?
I'm used to it.
Wendy, it's okay to be angry.
You have a voice and we need to hear it.
I will be heard!
I will be heard.
Wow, she actually got quieter.
Turns out the closest spot was the Home Depot parking lot,
three-quarters of a mile away.
I had to buy this so they don't tow me.
So, what did I miss?
Miranda is helping Wendy find her voice.
You sure that's a fuse you want to light?
Hey, back off!
There's Wendy the Lion.
All right, give me the hammer.
Yeah. That's probably smart.
So, Miranda, tell us,
what exactly do you do at the retreat?
Oh, it's simple, really.
Everyone has an untapped reservoir of strength,
and it's my calling to help them frack their way into it.
This woman saved me.
I'd been at the retreat for three weeks
and only lost half a pound when Miranda looked me
straight in the eyes and said...
I see you.
-你真看到了 不是吗 -是的
- You do, don't you? u202d- Yeah.
She stood by my side for the next 12 weeks,
and bam, look what happened.
I'm back to being the hottest one here.
Jill, we talked about this.
Everyone's beautiful in their own peculiar way.
How is that better?
It's important for you to remember
that you had the power to change all along.
I've been obsessing over German chocolate cake
with cream cheese frosting
and how it would solve all my problems.
Get out of your problems, get into your power.
I think I could do that better back at the retreat.
Aw, would that mean Miranda has to leave?
Oh, well, off you go.
The Mindful Cactus is a wonderful place,
but you need to learn to live in the real world.
And in the real world, cake happens.
So I can have some?
In moderation, sure.
You have the power to take a bite and push that plate away.
好吧 米兰达 我们不是那种
Uh, yeah, Miranda, we're not really
a moderation bunch of gals.
I once drank floor cleaner.
Give me the hammer.